
in we, j'Dxs 



THE 



2f? 



CHRISTIAN PARENT. 



BY 



; ; 



Rev. A. B. MUZZEY,- 

AUTHOR OP "THE YOUNG MAIDEN," " THE YOUNG MAN'S 
FRIEND," ETC. 



G s 



V 



BOSTON: 

WM. CROSBY AND H. P. NICHOLS. 

Ill Washington Street. 

1850. 






Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1849, by 

A. B. Muzzet, 

in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts. 



CAMBRIDGE: 

STEREOTYPED AND PRINTED BY 
METCALF AND COMPANY, 

PRINTERS TO THE UNIVERSITY. 



> : 



PREFACE 



The present volume has been prepared from 
a deep sense of the importance of its subject, 
and in the belief that no work of the kind is 
now before the public. The writer has encoun- 
tered difficulties, which have doubtless kept back 
others, and which, had they been all foreseen, 
might have deterred him from the undertaking. 

In the first place, it is not easy to find the 
proper limits of so vast a field as that of pa- 
rental education. We might well entitle a com- 
plete work on this subject, " A World-Dis- 
course," or "A Universal Guide." For all 
topics are pertinent to it which relate either to 
the powers of our nature or to the history of 
their development. The whole theory of men- 
tal, moral, and spiritual influences is involved 
at every stage of the treatise. The entire cir- 
cuit of experimental and practical life should be 
taken in the course it pursues. It should em- 



IV PREFACE. 

brace comprehensive principles, and these must 
be carried out and illustrated with minuteness. 

The book, being intended for all classes of 
parents, the educated no less than the illiterate, 
ought to contain broad views, expressed with a 
pure taste ; but, at the same time, all subtilties 
must be avoided, the thoughts must be obvi- 
ous, the style plain, and the illustrations fa- 
miliar. Much may be well left to be supplied 
by the imaginative reader, and yet for the un- 
learned everything should be fully written out. 

Amid these and other complex difficulties, all 
I have dared to anticipate is moderate success. 
If for any reason the attempt shall prove a fail- 
ure, it is hoped the obstacles which stood in 
the way of the writer will serve to mitigate 
any strictures to which he might otherwise be 
reasonably subject. 

The title of this volume is " The Christian 
Parent." In whatever other respects it has 
failed, I trust none will have cause to say it 
is untrue to its title. I have earnestly desired 
to do something to impress parents with a sense 
of their duties to their children as Christians. 
The claims of literature, patriotism, science, and 
art, and of the manifold industrial pursuits, on 
the attention of the young, should never be for- 
gotten by the parent. But to have taken up 



PREFACE. 



these topics would have extended this work to 

an inordinate length. I have, therefore, confined 

myself, for the most part, to the single point 

of moral and religious education. If anything 

I has been done to enlighten and to quicken par- 

, ents in this regard, my main object is accom- 

' plished. 

The work has grown constantly in my hands, 
j and the reader will notice occasional repetitions 
1 of the same thought in various chapters. The 
different connections in which they occur will, 
it is hoped, excuse them in part. Perhaps 
" line upon line " was indispensable to fix the 
great principles of the writer in the mind. 

Many parents will probably be disheartened 
by the great requisitions which this volume 
makes upon them. Let such consider, how- 
ever, what a work they perform if they are 
but faithful parents. We may fail in our as- 
pirations for wealth, honor, and power, but if 
we do our duty to our children, all other losses 
and disappointments are made up to ns. To 
bring up a family well is an object sufficient to 
compensate for any labor and anxieties, and to 
gratify any reasonable ambition. We see the 
mother become pale, while her daughters are 
full of bloom, and the father emaciated in pro- 
portion as the sons grow in stature and vigor. 



VI PREFACE. 



But let them not regret the change ; true, they 
must part with the energy of former days, but 
it is absorbed by those iu whom and for whom 
they now live. Let every parent, then, say, 
with a pious content, I must decrease, but these 
shall increase. 

The position of our parents in this age is 
such, all thoughtful observers must perceive, as 
to call for the utterance of a clear and loud 
voice on the parental duties. Authority has 
nearly passed away from the fireside, and in- 
fluence and moral suasion have as yet but im- 
perfectly supplied its place. In this state of 
things, the conscientious parent is troubled, and 
is looking anxiously for light on the means 
and methods of fulfilling his task. If a single 
ray shall be thrown on his path by the perusal 
of this volume, the prayer of the writer will 
be answered, and his labor not unrewarded. 

Cambridge, December 1, 1849. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

HOME. ITS ASSOCIATIONS. ITS INFLUENCES. 

PAGE 

Memories of home. — Honored by Jesus. — A Divine institu- 
tion. — Its ties universal; permanent. — Exert a moral and 
spiritual influence. — Restore to virtue. — Nurture liberal- 
ity, spirituality. — Parental influence. — The mother's pow- 
er ; the father's. — The mother and daughter. — Brothers 
and sisters. — Remark of Lamartine. — Home promotes 
sincerity. — Its enjoyments. — A foretaste of heaven. — In- 
fluence of its events. — Leaving home. — The final parting. 

— Sacredness of home. — The spirit of Christ needed. — 
Privileges and dangers of home. — "Why are these ties 
formed ? — Reunion above. 1 

CHAPTER II. 

THE PARENT. HIS OFFICE NOT TRANSFERABLE. 

Educational means of the age. — What more can we need 1 — 
A prevailing error. — None can take the parent's place. — 
Testimony of J. Q. Adams. — Little now said to parents. 

— Their work begins in the cradle. — Physical care. — Men- 
tal culture. — Moral and religious training. — " No place 
like home." — Memory of our parents' sacrifices. — Substi- 
tutes for home. — Reform schools. — The State can only 
imitate the parent. — Error of sending a child from home. 

— Lreverence of children. — " Liberty and Equality." — 
Home must sustain the Sunday school. — The parent can 
trust no ao-ent in his stead. 26 



Vlll CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER III. 

THE STEP-MOTHER. 

Difficulties of the step-mother. — The child needs a mother's 
love. — No natural fountain in the step-mother. — No nat- 
ural love for this parent. — Interference of connections. — 
The husband's love greatest. — Different treatment of her 
own and her husband's children. — She must resolve and 
pray and strive to be just 41 

CHAPTER IV. 

SCHOOL EDUCATION. 

Decisive influence of the school-room. — Duties of the parent. 

— First, to form a clear idea of the object of the school. — 
Moral above intellectual culture. — Secondly, importance of 
your part; what you can do. — Thirdly, home discipline. — 
Lady Jane Grey. — Imitate the mother of Increase Mather. 
— Fourthly, send your children regularly to school, and punc- 
tually. — Fifthly, converse with them about the school. — 
Excessive application to be shunned. — Sixthly, aid them in 
their studies. — Seventhly, attend examinations ; visit school 
at other times. — Eighthly, encourage liberal vacations and 
holidays, for the sake of health, moral improvement, and op- 
portunities to leave home. — Ninthly, join domestic to school 
education. — Tenthly, teach that education is never " fin- 
ished." — Keep up an interest in mental improvement. . 48 

CHAPTER V. 

TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. TRAINING ESSENTIAL. 

Most parents have some system of education. — Not a few in- 
struct alone. — Training must be added. — We train for 
business, trades, &c. — Importance of habit. — The Danes 
had their wealth buried at their death. — Self-help essential. 

— Good principles fixed only by practice. — Truthfulness, 
how insured. — Remark of Dr. Johnson. — Habit of exag- 
geration. — Must we tell the truth always? — Fear leads 
to untruth. — Anecdote of an African mother. — Profane 
speaking. — Asseverations to be avoided. — Little acts es- 
tablish habits. — Reply of Plato. — Good manners at home. 

— Paul a model of courtesy. — Nervous fears contagious. — 



CONTENTS. IX 

Practice of Montaigne. — Importance of industry. — Re- 
mark of Carlyle. — Idleness and vice. — Knowledge and 
character, their difference. — The conduct and the heart of 
the parent train his children. — Training essential to obe- 
dience 64 

CHAPTER VI. 

OBEDIENCE. 

The foundation of government, law, and piety. — Obedience 
should be taught early. — Children like to be command- 
ed. — The parent must be obeyed. — The Scriptures en- 
join obedience to parents. — So does Providence. — God a 
model to the parent. — Obedience required by parental su- 
periority. — The basis of a good character. — Warning of 
Hophni and Phineas. — Even harsh commands may do 
good. — Obedience does not weaken a child's love. — The 
parent must beware of anger. — Indulgence destroys love 
and gratitude. — We begin to govern our children too late. 

— Children should not object and argue against their par- 
ents. — We give thanks for the authority of our own par- 
ents. — When we should allow our commands to be dis- 
cussed, and when require implicit obedience. . . .82 

CHAPTER VII. 

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 

Hoav shall obedience be secured ? — The rod sometimes safe- 
ly laid aside. — Its u3e a violation of a law of nature. — The 
errors of the past may make it necessary. — The animals 
governed by kindness. — Whipping to save trouble and 
time. — Early care supersedes the rod. — Forbear threaten- 
ing. — Never punish before others. — Take right methods. 

— Watch opportunities. — Keep away temptations. — Al- 
low for childhood. — Good dispositions, but little self-re- 
straint. — Disobedience growing in this country. — The par- 
ent to be reinstated in authority. — Voices from homes of 
woe, and from prison- walls. 96 

CHAPTER VIII. 

SELF-GOVERNMENT. 
The prophet Samuel ; the influence of his mother. — Her gov- 



X CONTENTS. 

eminent led him to se^-government. — " Each man a dra- 
ma."- Activity of childhood. — Turn it inward. —Remark 
of NmTilis on the will. — Seek power over the child's will. 

— Train to Belf-restramt, and to a control of desires. — II- 
lustration of Dr. Bushnell. — Desires the Bpring of happi- 
ness and of a balanced character.— Washington a model of 
self-control 108 

CHAPTER IX. 

MORAL COURAGE. SELF-SACRIFICE. 

Mural courage the need of this age. — " Do right because it 
is right." — Some children taught retaliation. — Franklin 
when a boy. — Self-possession in danger. — Lesson of the 
ancienl Mexicans. — Inspire to self-help. — The sailor-hoy 

to he imitated.' — Duly llOt always pleasure. — Hard to 

make children do for themselves.— Self-sacrifice, inculcat- 
ed by Herbert. — The little girl with her sick mother. — 
Two courses before the parenl : First, to deny himself and 
deny Ins children j Secondly, lo Leave them unrestrained, 
and their characters unformed. — Leave them not to make 
up for your neglect 117 

CHAPTER X. 

MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 

Subtlety of human motives. — " The child is father of the 
man." — Beware of " the little foxes." — Scale of motives. 

— Appetite and sense the lowest. — Hope ; ele\ ate and Cll- 

courage it. — Fear: shun its excess. — Lord Byron. — 
Shame; servitude or fashion. — The traveller in New Mex- 
ico. — The love of gain. — ( Ihildren should lay up to give 
away. — Hiring children to do right. — The love of appro- 
bation. — Praise more than you blame. — Reward not 

merely according to your own mood. — The lather and the 

|, ,.i,| of wood. — " What did my child mean by this act ?" 126 

CHAPTER XI. 

MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. CONTINUED. 

Family opinion. — Love to the parent. — Disinterestedness. 

— Love to animals.— Example of a divine. — Desire of 
Superiority. — Love of improvement. — Conscientiousness. 



CONTENTS. XI 

— Confession of faults. — Enlighten conscience. — "I know 
I am right." — The fox among the grapes. — Different dis- 
positions, how to be treated. — Learn to touch every note. 

— Complexity of motives. — The approbation of God the 
highest motive 139 

CHAPTER XII. 

SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 

Jesus a friend to children. — We forbid their approach. — To 
teach a child, gain the spirit of a child. — Adaptation and sym- 
pathy of Paul. — Stoop to the child. — Error of the Pil- 
grims. — A gathering of children in London ; another in 
Boston. — " Discern, follow, lead." — Those we" love, we 
imitate. — Vice contagious. — Coldness between father and 
son. — Love must sweeten instruction. — The trials of child- 
hood. — Place confidence in your children. — Allow for 
faults. — Be a child, and you are happy. — Keep yourself 
young. , .151 

CHAPTER XIII. 

RECREATIONS, BOOKS, COMPANIONS, OCCUPATION. 

A child's sports not trifles. — Children must have amusements. 

— Join in their sports, and they will love and obey you. — 
The muster on the Daguerreotype-plate. — Memories of a 
pleasant home. — Direct your child's reading by sympathy. 

— Children forced to read the Bible. — Dr. Johnson's ex- 
perience of Sunday. — Value of a taste for good books. — 
Seldom acquired late in life. — Encourage your child to 
read to you the books he likes. — Influence the companion- 
ships of the young. — Excite and restrain their choice of 
friends wisely. — Choice of occupation, when to be dictated 
by the parent. — Two points : First, no employment to be 
chosen which has irresistible temptations ; Secondly, every 
one must have some occupation 162 

CHAPTER XIV. 

RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 

Religion the sun of moral education. — The child led natural- 
ly to God. — Receives Him as a Witness ; as a moral Judge ; 
as a Father. — Cherish in him a love of Nature. — Remark of 



Xll CONTENTS. 

Paley. — Happiness of a love of Nature ; a moral safe- 
guard. — Forms and institutions of religion. — Should lit- 
tle children be taken to church ? — The Sunday school de- 
pends on the parent. — Testimony of Dr. Bigelow. — What 
fathers and mothers can do for the Sunday school. — Why 
does this institution sometimes fail 1 — How shall a child 
spend the Sabbath ? — Reminiscence of repeating hymns 
in concert. — Value of good hymns. — Blend the idea of 
God with every event. 173 

CHAPTER XV. 

RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 

Death, wrong views of it. — The true view of it. — Two caus- 
es of the terrors of death : First, a sense of unfitness for 
the future world ; Secondly, injudicious education. — Ex- 
amples given by Miss Hamilton, one of gloomy, another 
of cheerful, views of death. — Explain what children see at 
funerals. — Cemeteries adorned now. — Be minute in relig- 
ious instruction. — How children should be taught to pray. 

— Make the Bible your model. — Anecdote of the French 
Quaker. — Awaken a love of the Bible. — Doctrinal in- 
struction. — Inculcate charity and philanthropy. — Piety 
the central figure in life's picture. — Be pious yourself; 
then life or death will be well for you and your children. . 186 

CHAPTER XVI. 

DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 

The antiqtiity of family prayer. — Its advantages. — Morn- 
ing and evening call for it. — Equal wants of the family. — 
Promotes a Christian spirit. — Diminishes envy, and self- 
ishness in general. — Interrupts our earthliness. — Sets up a 
pure standard in the family. — Impresses the young favor- 
ably. — Consistent with other parental offices. — Prepares 
for the day of trouble and bereavement. — Makes religion 
seem a reality. — Teaches us that we are only pilgrims here. 

— A prayerless family an affecting spectacle. . . .199 

CHAPTER XVII. 

OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 
" It is properly only for professors of religion." — " My life 



CONTENTS. Xlll 

would not correspond to this act." — Mixed character of the 
family. — Different sects in it. — "I cannot find time for 
it." — Inability to peiform the service. — Tear of criticism. 

— Natural diffidence. — A form recommended. — Shall the 
torch of fireside devotion expire in our hands ? — Christian- 
ity a social religion. — The father under the highest obliga- 
tions to the family. — Fix the time when you will set up an 
altar to God 213 

CHAPTER XVIII. 

THE BIBLE. SINGING. 

" The neglected Bible." — Restore the reading of this book. 

— Read it in turn at family worship. — Let children select 
passages. — Bitter recollections of reading the Bible in 
course. — Methods to make it interesting. — Baptism and 
the Lord's Supper. — Singing as a part of domestic wor- 
ship. — Music as a means of happiness ; an aid in mental 
culture. — Bad taste of " Negro Melodies." — Preoccupy 
the mind with good songs. — Vocal music aids parental 
discipline. — Family music binds to the fireside. — Is a 
means of making others happy. — Prepares for singing in 
the Sunday school, and at church. — Congregational sing- 
ing. — Singing a healthful exercise 224 

CHAPTER XIX. 

REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 

Expect little and you will gain much. — Too great expecta- 
tions, their evils. — The boy not a man. — Restlessness a 
good thing in children. — Give it scope by occupation. — 
Do not expect gravity in childhood. — Love of authority 
not an evil. — Good manners in private insure propriety in 
company. — How to make children grateful, — Speak of 
your own services. — Teach the young to express thanks. 

— Gratitude to man awakens piety to God. — The child 
must learn by experience. — How to foster a benevolent dis- 
position. — Warn against ridicule and mimicry. — Avoid 
scolding. — Destroy the appetite for contention, &c. — A 
hint from military tactics. — Patience and deliberation es- 
sential. 236 



XIV CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER XX. 

INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 

" Education a trite subject." — Do we know everything per- 
taining to it 1 — Two classes of means, direct and indirect. 
— We understand the former, but not the latter. — Indirect 
means the most powerful. — Incidental education; illustrat- 
ed in Nicoll, Chatterton, and Linnaeus. — One event may 
decide our whole fortune. — Too little thought of inciden- 
tal culture. — Its great fountain is home. — Effect of com- 
mon conversation. — "What subjects predominate ? — Con- 
verse like Jesus. — Power of example, seen in a tribe of In- 
dians. — An agent mightier than teachers and books. — 
No Jesuitry can deceive a child. — Be what you would ap- 
pear. — Direct education important in its place. — Actions 
more potent than words 250 

CHAPTER XXI. 

INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 

Amazing progress in the first six years. — The true mode of 
moral education. — Evil of parental partialities ; seen in 
Isaac and Jacob. — Importance of agreement in education 
between parents. — Indirect influence of applying coarse 
epithets to parents or to children. — Observation. — " Eyes 
and no Eyes, or the Art of Seeing." — Advice of Mon- 
taigne. — Beware of personal peculiarities. — The child's 
mind a stereotype-plate. — Watchfulness good for the par- 
ent. — Law of the Puritans. — Parental retribution. . . 264 



CHAPTER XXII. 

INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 

Testimony of Amie Martin. — Two points require the moth- 
er's special attention. — Eirst, health ; the elder daughters. 
— Dangers of this age. — Secondly, the culture of common 
sense. — Daughters need strong minds. — Cultivate a taste 
for the fine arts. — Power of the voice over children — Ex- 
ample of a patient mother. — Love for the sick and the de- 
formed • 276 



CONTENTS. XV 

CHAPTER XXIII. 

PARENTAL ANXIETIES. _ 

Anxieties relative to the body, the mind, and the character. — 
God a sovereign with our children. — Family ambition. — 
What the parent can decide. — Principles and habits con- 
trollable. — Companionships. — Cowper's view. — " Guard- 
ed exposure" recommended. — Religious instruction. — 
Increase of juvenile crime. — How save our children from 
the prison. — Migratory spirit of the young. — An evil of 
college life. — Home influence needed at all ages. — " Hope 
on, hope ever." — Comfort amid fears. — Absorption in our 
children. — The dying mother's prayer. — Be anxious to do 
your own duty. — " Guard thy heart's album." . . . 289 

CHAPTER XXIV. 

EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR. BOTH WORLDS. 

We separate the two worlds. — The New Testament unites 
them. — Care of the body. — A great principle stated. — 
Physical regimen ; exercise, bathing, pure air, &c — Train 
the young to be children first. — The minister who died 
young. — How to join earth and heaven. — Make the dead 
your child's teachers. — What truth to be the corner-stone. 
— The world ivithin. — Reliance on family wealth and dis- 
tinction. — The boy needs a root in himself. — How can we 
find time to do so much 1 — Shoals and rocks. — No conflict 
of duties. — Our ambitious aspirations ; what though we 
fail in them 1 — The gold sacrificed for the dross. — Time 
saved by beginning right; labor saved. — The trouble of 
an obedient and a disobedient child. — How to escape anx- 
ieties. — Progress the great thing. — The final parting. . 305 



THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 



CHAPTER I. 

HOME. ITS ASSOCIATIONS. ITS INFLUENCES. 

Home, — what associations cluster around that 
brief word ! Whether we contemplate the origin, 
the peculiar nature, or the duration of its bonds, how 
delightful is the theme ! It was there our unsoiled 
spirits first waked to a vital consciousness. It was 
there a mother's love once watched our slightest 
movement and our every wish, and a father's care 
and counsels were early and ever around us. There, 
too, it was, that from cradled helplessness we ad- 
vanced through childhood's happy hours and youth's 
unclouded hopes. And when the sad day came to try 
our hearts with unknown scenes and anxious toils, it 
was home, its honored forms, its fraternal ties, its 
dear remembrances, from which, " with lingering 
steps and slow, we took our way." 

But more than this, it is there Christianity erects 
her throne. The Saviour of the world, as he hung 
upon the cross, amid bodily agonies and mental 
1 



2 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

pangs, with a sublime forgetfulness of himself, thought 
of his mother's wants, and in words brief — for his 
sufferings permitted him no lengthened speech — 
he committed that mother to the care of his beloved 
disciple. Henceforth the tender tie to her, severed 
by his own departure, is to be renewed between 
these two individuals. In the act itself, and in the 
selection for this office of the affectionate John, Je- 
sus exhibited, what he has been singularly charged 
with lacking, the strongest regard for the domestic 
relations. He taught the great lesson, that they who 
would be his true disciples must " be careful to show 
piety at home." Plis whole life, indeed, by its ten- 
der and holy affections, its meek and quiet virtues, 
the love he bore to Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, the 
raising of the widow's son, and by how many other 
similar incidents, manifests a constant respect for the 
fireside virtues. It has been remarked, that " Jesus 
began every great section of his life with some do- 
mestic scene." His advent occurred amid the genial 
influences of home. The gentle Joseph and Mary, 
a father and a mother, brethren and sisters, all were 
there. His first miracle was blessed by his mother's 
presence ; and Bethany, and Nain, and how many 
other hallowed spots, bore witness to the home- 
born, humanizing nature of his religion. 

For many reasons, it will be found we can hardly 
attach too great importance to our home. 

Consider, first, that it is a Divine institution ; its 



HOME. 



relations were established by God himself. It was 
he who pronounced it not good for man to be alone, 
and gave him a companion, and ordained through 
these two all the families of the earth. The world 
is filled with other institutions, embracing the inter- 
ests of religion, of government, of society, and oi 
country. But these are nearly all human institu- 
tions ; few, if any of them, can be said to have been 
positively and directly established from above. They 
differ in this respect entirely from our domestic rela- 
tions, and they are so far of secondary importance. 

Then, too, the ties of home are universal. God 
evidently intended that they should be respected by, 
and formed between, all his children. Many of them 
are altogether involuntary, and the others, wherever 
the race have been civilized, are voluntarily estab- 
lished. Think of the millions of homes embraced 
in this single country. What a multitude of protect- 
ing roofs invite the weary, as each nightfall returns, 
to gather beneath them for repose ! How many 
doors are opened with the breath of every morning, 
to send forth a tide of living souls, that swells and 
sweeps onward, each passing year, with a rapidity 
we can scarcely measure ! What influences are 
here ! What a sway, for the weal or woe of indi- 
viduals and of the nation, must these domestic ties 
every day and every hour exert ! 

Yet more, the relations of home are permanent. 
All others on earth do, or may, change ; we can form 



THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 






and we can dissolve the partnerships of gain, of hon- 
or, of pleasure, and to some extent we can modify 
our friendships. But the bonds of the fireside are, 
for the most part, indissoluble. So long as we live, 
so long do we continue husbands and wives, fathers 
and mothers, sons and daughters, brethren and sis- 
ters. Days may come of temporary alienation and 
coldness. Some, indeed, may never join us in the 
happy family meeting ; but the bond still holds be- 
tween these and ourselves, as between us who do 
meet. Be our lot one of affluence or of need, rise 
we to distinction or sink we to obscurity, nay, what 
is far more affecting, possess we such virtues and 
graces as to command the respect and win the love 
of all around us, and excite a just pride in our char- 
acters, or yield we to temptation, and bring we on 
ourselves a name that shall pierce like an arrow our 
tenderest relative, the bond still holds between us. 
Together we are to divide Heaven's bright gifts, and 
to taste each bitter cup our Father may send us ; and 
together, with inextinguishable sympathies, " if one 
member suffer, shall all the members suffer with it, 
and if one member be honored, all the members re- 
joice with it." Though lands separate, or oceans roll 
between us, and we never more look on the face of 
each other, the same bond still unites us. How mo- 
mentous is the unchangeableness of these ties ! What 
an interest and what importance does it give to them ! 
Nor is it the permanence alone of our domestic 



HOME. 



relations which clothes them with consequence. 
They exert, in their legitimate tendency, a deep 
moral and spiritual influence. A Christian home 
tends to preserve and to increase the purity of all its 
inmates ; they act and react upon each other for 
good. Those who constitute the united head of a 
family are intrusted not only with the happiness, but 
the character, of each other. They cannot be faith- 
ful to their position, without becoming mutual helpers 
in the great work of personal virtue. Let either 
have a high moral standard, and rise steadily toward 
it, the other also will advance in the same direction. 
Who has not seen the power, the almost divine pow- 
er, of goodness illustrated in some family where the 
" believing wife sanctified the unbelieving husband " ? 
Here are two individuals, who stand pledged, through 
all the changing periods and circumstances of life, to 
love, honor, and aid one another. What tenderness 
and confidence, what watchfulness and self-sacrifice, 
are involved in that pledge ! Can there be a more 
perfect seminary than this for moral and spiritual cul- 
ture ? If the vow be paid, if these two hearts do 
thus beat in unison, then will they surely attain the 
fulness of the Gospel stature. Here, within this 
consecrated bond, will Christian charity, a spirit 
of unaffected kindness, that precious disposition 
which knows not envy, resentment, pride, nor any 
malign quality whatever, be gained and matured. 
In this, the only connection of its kind upon earth, 



D THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

does man most directly learn that only true greatness, 
to live out of himself, to forget in a measure his own 
contracted indulgences in rejoicing with another, — to 
control each selfish grief, and to enlarge each disin- 
terested feeling. And here, as with the revolving 
years come the changes of life, — as trouble, sickness, 
bereavement, and sorrows, wave after wave, break 
on these hearts, — there is awakened a growing spirit 
of submission to Providence, and of prayer, and of a 
holy, ever-deepening trust. 

There are no agencies on earth so powerful for 
the preservation and growth of our moral energies as 
those of home. And when we have gone astray in 
the world, we cannot return to our fireside without 
hearing voices that call us to repent. Where is it 
that the wanderer usually feels first a disposition to 
break off his vices ? Can the erring father reflect 
on his example, and look on his sons, and still con- 
tinue in iniquity ? There is an eloquence in the 
tones of a gentle wife which must penetrate the heart 
of her fallen husband. There is a power in the very 
countenance of a good mother which must melt that 
son who comes home reeling from the haunts of dis- 
sipation, from the abode of licentiousness, or from 
the gaming-table and the cup. 

The fireside is the natural nursery of liberal souls, 
and of an enlarged, active excellence. They who 
cherish that spirit of disinterestedness to which its 
relations constantly incite them will find their moral 



HOME. 



sympathies extending more and more, and their dis- 
position to social usefulness daily strengthened. 
Where are we to look for the genuine patriot, or the 
sincere philanthropist, except among those true to 
the calls and claims of home ? He that is faithful 
in that which is least is most likely to be faithful in 
the greatest of his duties. Name to me a family 
among whose members the law of kindness prevails, 
where husband and wife have no strifes but in gener- 
osities to each other, and where the brothers and 
sisters are emulous to render services to one another, 
and the children leap to wait round the father and 
mother, and I will go there with confidence for Sun- 
day-school teachers, for almoners to the poor, and 
for young missionaries of the cross. 

Yes, there is a direct spiritual influence going forth 
from a pure fireside. There may be exceptions, yet 
scarcely can one be entirely faithful at home and yet 
uninterested in the great theme of religion. Point 
me to a true mother ; that mother is constrained to 
teach her child that he has a Father in heaven. Did 
she refuse this office, we should look that the very 
beams from the walls would cry out on her sin. The 
first prayer we learned was caught from our mother's 
lips. Blessings on her memory ! for, if we love God 
now, it was perhaps that very prayer which first 
raised our hearts toward him. And if there be one 
of our childhood's circle now immersed in guilt, the 
dew of heaven in those infant prayers may yet fall on 



8 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

his sin-scorched spirit and save him. How often 
would the penitent one fain seek out a dear mother's 
dust, and pour out his swelling sorrows in the fervent 
strain, — 

" O, come, whilst here I press 
My brow upon thy grave, — and in those mild 
And thrilling tones of tenderness, 
Bless, bless thy child ! 

" Yes, bless thy weeping child, 
And o'er thy urn, — Religion's holiest shrine, — 
O, give its spirit undefiled 
To blend with thine ! " 

Home derives its chief importance from the deci- 
sive influence exerted on the child by the parent. 
Both father and mother leave their impress more 
or less distinct on the character of their offspring. 
But of these, that of the latter is always deepest and 
most permanent. It has been observed of our Sav- 
iour, that " we hear nothing of his reputed father after 
his childhood, while his mother is prominently put 
forward." This is a significant fact ; it is true to 
human nature in all ages ; for, however dear may be 
the father, or however important his services, the 
love of the mother is usually the stronger, and her 
assiduities the more unwearied. cc Her influence," 
it has been beautifully said, " like some concentrated 
perfume, penetrates with potent but invisible agency 
every nook of home, pervading where the coarser 
authority of the father could never reach ; it begins 



HOME. 9 

with the first breath we draw, with the first light we 
see. On her were fixed our first affections, from her 
we received the first food, on her lap spoke the first 
word, and thought the first thought. Under her 
rule it was that we enjoyed what now appears to have 
been the only period of unalloyed happiness, and 
from underneath her warm and sheltering wing were 
taken to the first taste of anxiety and toil, and trans- 
ferred to the comparatively stern control of the fa- 
ther. The father may instruct, but the mother instils ; 
the father may command our reason, but the mother 
compels our instinct ; the father may finish, but the 
mother must begin. The empire of the father is over 
the head ; of the mother, over the heart. Supposing 
the degree of piety the same, the woman always ex- 
hibits it in a more engaging view than the man. It 
seems in her more innate and less earthly ; some of the 
sweetest Gospel graces are hers almost by inheritance. 
Angelic meekness, faithful affection, enduring pa- 
tience, uncomplaining resignation, having free play by 
her retirement from the passion-stirring and tumult- 
uous scenes of life, grow up in her to most enviable 
ripeness." 

Who, then, can over-estimate a mother's influ- 
ence ? For what high offices is she qualified by her 
constitution, her temperament, her condition, her 
character ! And what destinies are committed to her 
care ! She first forms her child's conscience ; nay, 
with such a relying spirit are the questions even in 



10 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

prattling infancy put to her, — " Mother, is this 
right ? is this wrong ? " — that it is hardly too much 
to say of this parent, " She is the child's con- 
science." Of how many pure affections and enno- 
bling virtues is she at once the direct teacher and the 
daily model ! If true to her station, she is a living 
transcript of the wise man's image of u a virtuous 
woman," — a combination of industry and discretion, 
and of kindness and piety, which the influence of the 
Gospel alone can produce. There is a trust in her 
hands, than which earth does not present one more 
sacred or responsible. She is the instructress of in- 
fant immortals ; to her is confided the care of that 
portion of man's nature before which the body sinks 
to insignificance, and to which, as a head-spring of 
life, not even the intellect, with its angel capacities 
and its highest soarings, can be justly compared. It 
is her part to train the affections in their earliest bud- 
dings and at their most decisive period. How many 
of the wise and good owe the germs of all that they are 
to a mother's fostering spirit! How much of deep 
sensibility, of gentle virtue, of martyr-like adherence 
to truth and right, might be traced to maternal fidel- 
ity ! I sometimes, indeed, doubt whether o?ie, blessed 
by a good mother in his early days, will prove ultimate- 
ly and hopelessly recreant. Happy is she who walks 
before her sons and daughters in true uprightness. 
Thrice blessed is that parent whose love is guided 
by wisdom, whose authority is blended with forbear- 



HOME. 11 

ance, whose even discipline shows that passion does 
not irritate or harden, nor indulgence spoil, the ob- 
jects in her charge ; but that, in oneness of mind 
with her favored companion, she directs these tender 
hearts through filial obedience on earth up to the love 
of their Supreme Parent in heaven. 

This effect will be at once anticipated where 
the father is an image of our Divine Parent. His 
character then helps the child to understand that of 
God. He is the principal in the great school of do- 
mestic piety. Just in all his commands, kind in his 
every act, never sparing himself where the happi- 
ness, and especially where the virtue, of his child is 
concerned, — commending cordially all that deserves 
approbation, and reproving always in evident sorrow 
and not with anger, — how easy is it to win a child 
blessed with such an earthly father to love his Father 
in heaven ! Our Saviour directs us to address God 
by this title, and it is from this relation we derive our 
clearest and most delightful views of the Divine char- 
acter. The head of a pious and well-ordered family 
affords a beautiful counterpart of the God of all fam- 
ilies ; he is in the likeness of our Divine Guardian, 
the object of an affection which is chastened by a 
becoming reverence. The exercise of these senti- 
ments toward him is a discipline for that mingled love 
and adoration due to the great Protector of man. 
That son who bestows on this earthly benefactor his 
rightful tribute of respect, obedience, and trust, is made 



12 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

meet thereby for that holier fear, that full and sacred 
homage, and all those childlike returns, we owe to the 
Sustainer of our lives. And that father who, by his 
faithful instructions and kind, though firm, training, 
copies his own great Master above, shows forth in 
celestial colors the beauty and power of the Christian 
faith. His children are indeed " arrows in the 
hand of the mighty " ; they are " olive-plants round 
about his table." And on him shall the blessing at 
last be pronounced, — " Well done, good and faith- 
ful servant ; thou hast been faithful over a few things, 
be thou ruler over many things." 

As we said of the mother, so must we now say of 
the father ; it is fearful to contemplate his influence. 
His words and his ways do something every passing 
day, either to bless or to blight the tender germs on 
which they fall. To be a good father, — how much 
is implied in it ! To educate a son wisely and well, to 
encourage and call forth all that is purest in him, and 
to check in the very bud whatever seems wrong in 
his tendencies, to establish his principles, to watch 
against and prevent corrupt communications, to in- 
spire love, and at the same time to secure obedience 
and command respect, — how arduous is the task ! 
and yet, to fail in it, what bitterness is there in the 
thought ! 

It is not easy to exaggerate the influence of a true 
mother over a devoted daughter. As the little one 
advances from the helplessness of the cradle, through 



HOME. 13 

her dependent girlhood, the affection of this trusted 
one toward her assumes a new, and, if possible, a 
more beautiful form, until at length the mother 
sees before herself the ripened fruit of her toils, the 
companion her own hand has raised up. Grateful to 
her inmost heart must be this treasure, and delightful 
to every eye is the spectacle of a true mother and a 
devoted daughter. On the one side we see wisdom 
and a self-denying love ; on the other, unlimited con- 
fidence leaning upon parental counsel, as the vine 
winds its tendrils about its ever-trusted support. 

Consider, now, the tie between brothers and sis- 
ters. Dependent alike on parental care, their rela- 
tion is suited to call forth the deep and unselfish 
affections of our nature. If they owe their virtue in 
common to a father's admonitions and encourage- 
ments and to a mother's gentler assistances, there is 
much of this good which they can bestow on each 
other. The elder can aid in how many ways the 
younger, the more prudent the thoughtless, the ad- 
vanced the tender and inexperienced ! To what ex- 
alted deeds and worthy attainments does one bright 
example sometimes incite others of the same family 
circle ! Many a youthful folly has been amended by 
a brother's counsel. Think of the instances, too, in 
which a sister, by mild persuasions and by her own 
praiseworthy qualities, has moulded the character of 
those in the same dear relation with herself. In the 
fraternal tie, indeed, there is hardly a virtue, either 



14 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

active or passive, but may find incitements to its cul- 
ture and growth. Wherever in the wide world God 
has formed this interesting bond, there, by a mutual 
acknowledgment of faults and forgiveness of errors, 
are souls trained up to confess their sins before 
Heaven. And there, too, through an accustomed 
well-doing in the thousand nameless kindnesses of the 
fireside, is the bright reward held out to those who 
follow the self-denying Saviour effectually secured. 

Home affords a preparatory stage, in all its ties 
and influences, for the formation of those traits de- 
manded in our broader social relations. The judg- 
ment of Lamar tine is wise when he says, — "I have 
always loved to know the homes and the domestic 
circumstances of those with whom I have anything 
to do in the world. It is a part of themselves ; it is 
a second external physiognomy, which gives the key 
to their disposition and destiny." The fireside is a 
primary school for all who are to sustain the conflicts 
and meet the shocks of this rude world. It will not 
do to expose the germs of faith and the unfixed prin- 
ciples of the little child to the full dangers of life at 
once. The plant cannot endure yet the rough winds 
of heaven ; we must place it within sheltering walls. 
Home, with its genial atmosphere and its softer influ- 
ences, is indispensable to our starting goodness. The 
youthful heart is a tender scion ; when kindred and 
friends have faithfully cherished it, then it may be 
left to sustain itself. Let its boughs spread forth far 



HOME. 15 

and wide. Send out the young probationer, and let 
him wrestle himself into Christian energy. Let the 
contact be with neighbour, fellow-citizen, countryman, 
all of his race. And fear not, for, thus armed, the 
dutiful son shall become the pure patriot, the good 
Christian, the true man. And the daughter, she 
who was mindful in past time of her parents and sis- 
ters, and who graced the little sphere of her birth, 
shall be everywhere welcomed, as an ally of truth 
and virtue, not only the joy of her nearest compan- 
ion, and the devoted matron, but a " sister of char- 
ity," an heir and favorite of Heaven. 

The fireside is, again, friendly to moral and spirit- 
ual excellence, because we are there most intimately 
known, and therefore most truly sincere. Christian- 
ity bids us be " pure in heart " ; it looks mainly at 
our feelings and motives. But, while in the broad 
world, we are peculiarly tempted to transgress its 
command. Our secular interest calls for deference 
and external attentions to others. For this cause 
alone passion may be curbed, moderation and for- 
bearance exhibited, and a winning courtesy assumed. 
The desire of popular favor, the restraints of cus- 
tom, the fear of man, — nothing deeper than these 
is needed to smooth every asperity of evil, and rep- 
resent virtue in her fairest costume. Insensibly in 
this way a polished exterior may usurp that place 
which Christianity gives only to a single-hearted 
goodness ; and thus the garb of meekness, humility, 



16 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

or disinterestedness may cover up a sordid, resent- 
ful, and self-elated spirit. 

But at home, where we are seen just as we really 
are, our motives habitually disclosed, and our true 
feelings and opinions laid bare, — there, if a kind 
deed be apparently performed, the reality is usually 
as pure as the appearance, that which is within cor- 
responds to that which is without. For pride is not 
there to veil our infirmities, nor ambition to toil for 
applause ; and neither hope nor fear comes in to cor- 
rupt our motives. In the common phrase, " we act 
ourselves out." 

Now, is it not much to escape the temptations of 
insincerity and deceit ? Will not integrity be nur- 
tured by the consciousness that we stand before an 
all-searching tribunal ? Before the public eye, on 
that wide stage where all is gilded, illuminated, and 
unwontedly transformed, we may almost impercep- 
tibly assume good qualities, and so pass for more 
than our worth. But in the hallowed recesses of 
home we are " weighed in the balance," and there 
the coin is stamped at its true value. The habit of 
being sincere in one place cannot but do something 
toward making us sincere in all places. Let us then 
give thanks that there is one unfailing ordeal, one sit- 
uation, where all things invite and urge us to the high 
calling of the Christian, to u simplicity and godly 
sincerity." 

And now let me say, it is home to which we must 



HOME. 17 

turn for our truest earthly enjoyments. This re- 
mark has been anticipated by all I have said of the 
elevating and purifying nature of its influences. For 
religion, let its effects be felt where they may, leads 
directly to happiness. But there are deep, substan- 
tial pleasures to be found only in the domestic circle. 
The family, I have already said, is a divine institu- 
tion ; it was constituted by our Father to be a means 
of unequalled satisfactions to his children. Its pass- 
ing scenes afford that quiet enjoyment which is im- 
measurably more to us than the exciting and fitful 
pleasures of society. There, too, are embraced 
those ties whose very purity is a pledge of the joys 
they bring. Other friends may fail us, and we may 
be alienated from unworthy companions ; absence 
dissolves other bonds ; caprice breaks how many, 
and with them vanish the bright visions of future 
happiness they promised. But brothers and sisters 
are still left to us ; and they will stand by us against 
the false and the estranged ; and, so long as life lasts, 
we can find a smile and a welcome from parental 
love. 

Home is the chief seat of our joy, from the rem- 
iniscences it yields of that one friend who knew no 
happiness like that of befriending us. That mother's 
face was a perpetual sunbeam in our early days ; she 
had a place in our hearts none else ever entered. 
She was the kind mediator who drew for us many a 
favor from a less tender, it may be a less weakly in- 
2 



18 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

dulgent, father. To her we ran with every childish 
want and every simple tale. In our absence, to her 
was always addressed the first confiding letter ; she re- 
ceived the earliest tidings of our success, and the first 
call for sympathy when we failed. The thought of 
her was uppermost when the tears of home-sickness 
fell fastest. That dear image was enshrined among 
the sweetest thoughts of home ; and when brothers 
and sisters came forth to meet us on our return, she, 
we knew, would lead the train. Her gentle voice 
even now rises over the loud swell of the discordant 
years, and tells us there is no place like that home ; 
and we feel assured, that, while memory lasts, that 
voice will not die in our ears, nor the conviction 
leave us, that our present home can give us no joy 
deeper or more enduring than that which still floats 
with angel form over the roof beneath which we first 
saw the light of this eventful world, 

" Home of our childhood ! how affection clings 
And hovers round thee with her seraph wings ! 
Dearer thy hills, though clad in autumn brown, 
Than fairest summits which the cedars crown ! 
Sweeter the fragrance of thy summer breeze, 
Than all Arabia breathes along the seas ! 
The stranger's gale wafts home the exile's sigh, 
For the heart's temple is its own blue sky ! " 

How dear, as we proceed, seem the precincts of 
home ! If peace and concord twine our souls in har- 
mony there, if every bond be sealed by virtue, and if 



HOME. 19 

religion be our common guide and staff, then here is 
our happiest temporal portion. And where, I will 
add, if not here, among hearts thus purely connected, 
is there a foretaste of heavenly felicities ? Yes, for 
what is Heaven ? What, but the final home of the 
spirit, — a haven to the long-tossed mariner, — that 
better country, toward which, as strangers and pil- 
grims on earth, we now journey ? There all form 
but one great brotherhood, one happy, reunited cir- 
cle. Such, in anticipation, is a Christian family. 
All we have ever done to prepare for our final home 
has qualified us for domestic duties and fireside en- 
joyments. The grosser attachments of this life, 
those founded on interest, or passion, or lust, are in- 
constant and perishable. Not so with the virtuous 
relations of birth and affinity. In them all is perma- 
nent, because all is pure. When the perplexing 
cares of the day are over, and evening brings the 
good man to that joyous retreat where his best affec- 
tions centre, so soothed and composed is his spirit, 
that he almost enters upon that " rest which remain- 
eth for the people of God." He now feels that 
there is a golden chain, whose lowest link touches 
earthly relations, but whose highest and purest fas- 
tens on that " house not made with hands." 

What I have said of the purifying influence of our 
domestic relations one upon the other is true, also, 
of the events which occur at the fireside. They fur- 
nish continual incentives to personal piety. Let them 



20 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

be joyous or sad, they each speak to us of heavenly 
things. What a day is that which introduces a new 
immortal to the family circle ! What unimagined 
sensations thrill through the bosoms of the inexpe- 
rienced parents ! The most thoughtless can hardly 
fail at such a moment to lift a tribute of gratitude to 
the gracious Giver. Even infants can awaken in us 
a moral power. At the coming of the little stran- 
ger, a new spring of feeling gushes forth in the 
parents' hearts. The father feels that he is another 
man. " He looks up toward heaven, and finds no 
difficulty in conceiving of a bliss of which he has had 
a foretaste on earth " ; and the mother is conscious 
of receiving a divine dew on that soil which we can 
see was so adapted by nature for spiritual fruits. 

As the child grows up, each changing period ut- 
ters some loud call for parental devotion ; and when 
at length the day arrives in which the son is to go 
forth from the paternal roof, the mother cannot but 
utter a fervent petition that her loved child may be 
shielded by Heaven, and the father is constrained to 
invoke for him the helping hand of Almighty Love. 
And the son, too, must feel that he is now giving 
himself up to a new and Divine Guardian. Perhaps 
the daughter, after sharing the unmeasured kindnesses 
of a dear home, has reached the period when another 
heart is to receive, and another arm to protect, her 
through life. What an hour for the mother ! She 
alone can describe her deep and mingled emotions, 



HOME. 21 

her hopes, her anxieties, her prayers. The father, 
— think of him, his gain, his loss ! An unaccus- 
tomed tear steals down that cheek, and the light of 
another world is reflected upon it. What conflict- 
ing sensations fill, too, the soul of this daughter ! 
But, whether memory shade her eye with sorrow, or 
anticipation send bright rays from it, she will not, 
she cannot, one would think, forbear to raise one 
thought above, to lift one all-confiding petition to 
that Being who holds her untried lot in his fatherly 
hand. 

A more solemn parting still, one we cannot avoid, 
awaits the family circle. It is a fearful truth, that 
we live in a world where love and death must meet. 
But He who alike weaves and sunders the tenderest 
ties can mitigate the bitterness of every bereave- 
ment. While he chastens, he would also spiritual- 
ize, his weeping child. There is much in the sick- 
nesses he sends to intenerate and bless our inward 
nature. The patient sufferer is made better by his 
pains ; a new love is awakened by the gentle offices 
of those who wait round his bed, soothe his pangs, 
and allay his restlessness. His mind is led upward, 
and he catches tones from angel harps. If he be 
restored to health and strength, he cannot soon for- 
get that Divine love which smoothed his pillow amid 
the solitude of his midnight weariness. Yes, sick- 
ness is often a blessing in disguise. Nor, though it 
terminate fatally, can we doubt that God is still with 



22 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

us. Death is irradiated by our Saviour. The 
hushed step, the suppressed voice, the subdued 
countenance, of all who draw nigh the departing 
one, show us that messengers from above are even 
now in the room. 

" Something divine and dim 
Seems going by one's ear, 
Like parting wings of cherubim, 
Who say, ' We 've finished here.' " 

Did we indeed regard it aright, we should feel, 
that, in many of its aspects, home is a temple in 
which we all minister as priests. No place would 
be to us more sacred than this where we dwell. I 
have entered the magnificent cathedral in the Old 
World, and, although I could not accord with the 
faith it upheld, yet I have been elevated and awe- 
struck by its majestic pillars, its vast arches, its 
ocean-toned organ, and its solemn chants. The in- 
cense, as it was wafted to the ceiling, seemed the 
breath of devotion, and the fair flowers around 
me were pouring forth fragrance to Heaven. So 
would I that our dwellings were each regarded ; pu- 
rity and piety are in harmony with home. Music 
should float round its walls, and, while by its sacred- 
ness it sanctified the individual, it should weld all 
hearts together, and lift the pure mass to our com- 
mon Father. And vases should be there, filled with 
flowers culled from the fairest gardens of earth, and 
prefiguring the garden of God. 



HOME. 23 

The picture I have drawn of the influences of 
home is surely a pleasant one, and the images con- 
nected with it one would fain realize. But. are they 
not exaggerated and fanciful ? " Where," it may 
be asked, " do we see piety the presiding genius of 
the household, and the Christian virtues and graces 
all taking root there ? Whose is the home so de- 
lightfully instrumental in building up the character of 
its inmates ? Where can we find all this home-born 
union and peace you describe ? Point us to the 
family in which all are of one mind, husband and 
wife, father and mother, brethren and sisters, all 
moving on in this beautiful concert." I answer, 
you can see it in every family where the spirit of 
Christ is the controlling spirit. If piety is a stran- 
ger within our doors, if parental fidelity and filial re- 
spect and brotherly love are unknown there, and 
fathers and mothers are contentious, and children are 
graceless, then is not the religion of Jesus the law 
and guide of the household ; then are we the ser- 
vants, not of the Prince of Peace, but of our own 
dark, self-enslaving passions. 

It may not be disguised, that, while the domestic 
relations are friendly to our moral and spiritual im- 
provement, they, like all other blessings, bring with 
them their dangers. Not of necessity shall we avail 
ourselves of the high privileges of home. We may 
abuse the gifts, we may neglect the precious oppor- 
tunities it affords, and thus, instead of a sanctuary, it 



24 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

may become a snare to our souls. Must it not be 
said that the word home suggests to some minds, in 
consequence of this perversion of its true ends, no 
higher associations than those of a resting-place from 
labor, a convenient shelter, or a field for fashion and 
display ? True it is, and a sad truth, that many toil 
only for the outward comforts of life, and sacrifice 
their peace and happiness, — ay, what is unspeakably 
more to be lamented, sacrifice their very souls — to 
the external arrangements of the household. They 
live a life of miserable servitude, drudging, and de- 
grading themselves, perhaps, for the sake of those 
things which perish in the using. 

But there are moments when even these, and 
the veriest worshippers of pride and fashion also, 
feel rebuked in their course. They do some- 
times see how mournfully they are coming short of 
the legitimate purposes and influences of a Christian 
home. Let any one pause and ask himself, " For 
what end was I placed amid these domestic rela- 
tions ? " and there will be the great, universal reply, 
We do not cluster in families that we may eat and 
drink, and be clothed, and then die, — perish like 
the brute creation. No, there is a solemn siexiin- 
cance in these manifold ties ; they all point to some- 
thing higher and holier than themselves ; the earthly 
cord is intertwined with heavenly threads. O, how 
would our homes be transformed, did these rays from 
the great " Light of the World " beam steadily on 



HOME. 25 

their bosom ! We should then perceive a Divinity 
every day in our midst. We should emulate one an- 
other, — husband and wife, father and mother, broth- 
ers and sisters, sons and daughters, the nearest and 
the most remote relatives ; we should strive, with 
a godlike disinterestedness, which should most love, 
and most live for, the other. 

And now, were personal piety cherished by the 
fireside, fidelity at home would make us faithful 
abroad ; the quiet influences of every domestic re- 
lation and event would flow out and flow over our 
entire character. Our country, the Church, and the 
world would then see our " light so shine " that 
they would " glorify the Father." Only let Christ 
be the Master of the household, and all its issues 
are pure. Then our gains are hallowed as the gift 
of God, — above every honor is " that honor which 
cometh from above," — and we drink of the river 
of Cod's pleasure. Amid the cares and perplexities 
of the fireside, we can now preserve a calm, — that 
holy calm which befits beings who have a home in the 
heavens. Our family becomes more and more like 
the great family on high. And there we anticipate, 
as one by one these dear ties shall be severed, hay- 
ing borne the burdens and quickened the virtues of 
each other here, that we shall renew every pure 
bond of earth, and give thanks, not only for the de- 
lights, but also for the severest discipline, of our 
early Christian home. 



CHAPTER II. 

THE PARENT. HIS OFFICE NOT TRANSFERABLE. 

We are living in an age which abounds in instruc- 
tions to the young. At no period of the world has 
so much been said, and written, and done, on this 
great subject. We have week-day schools, in 
which the youth of both sexes, a multitude we can 
scarce number, are everywhere engaged. And 
the standard of education in these institutions is con- 
tinually rising. High and yet higher schools are es- 
tablished, and more and more branches are crowded 
into their list of studies. Seminaries for ornamental 
education are increasing ; private teachers are em- 
ployed, and no expense is spared to give power to 
the voice and the ear and the touch in the sweet 
sounds of music, and to impart skill to the hand in 
the magic art of delineation, and in the mimic hues 
of the pencil. Nor is this all ; when the toils and 
assiduities of the week are over, we open the door 
of the Sunday school, and our children again gather, 
and search the Scriptures, and converse on the high 
themes of religion, guided, throughout our land, by a 



THE PARENT. 27 

great company of devoted and faithful teachers. So 
that here, if nowhere else, it is literally true of our 
children and youth, that they have, in the words of 
Paul, " ten thousand instructors in Christ." 

And now what more, it may be asked, can be 
done for them ? Is not this a blessed age for the 
young ? And will they not soon be perfect in 
knowledge, and wisdom, and all manner of excel- 
lence ? If it depend exclusively on a vast array of 
public means and of social arrangements, and liberal 
expenditures, to make them so, no doubt they will 
be perfect. 

But does it depend entirely on one or all of these 
things ? May we, having provided the best possible 
week-day schools and teachers of accomplishments, 
and Sunday-schools also, sit down content, and rest 
in the assurance, that, as guardians of the young, our 
task is complete ? I fear this is the prevalent dispo- 
sition. But if we heed the counsels of Scripture, 
of history, or of daily experience, we shall ascertain 
our error. We shall find that it is possible — in the 
very midst of this mighty system of educational ad- 
vantages, it is possible this may be the result — that 
our youth, instead of rising toward intellectual and 
moral perfection, shall decline in mental vigor, and 
sink lower and lower in the prime qualities of a rev- 
erent piety and a disinterested, energetic virtue. 

The cause of this declension, if it take place, will 
be found in a disregard of the great truth indicated 



28 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

in the language of the Apostle, that, " though we 
have ten thousand instructors " beside, " we have 
not many fathers." This is the startling fact, that, 
multiply as we may other instructors, they can- 
not, either or all of them, supply the place of those 
natural teachers, the father and the mother. If 
there be neglect here, then it is as if everything 
were neglected. A child has but one father and 
one mother ; and whoever else may, to any extent, 
greater or less, perform for them a part of the pa- 
rental duties, no one can become, in full, either the 
one or the other. The attempt to substitute any 
teacher, guardian, or friend for the parent, to put 
public in the place of private and domestic educa- 
tion, ever has been, and ever will be, disastrous to 
the young. 

Our schools, in the week and on the Sabbath, are 
all good, — all needed, — all, perhaps, indispensable 
to the complete, harmonious, Christian education of 
our youth. But it is only as auxiliaries to some- 
thing still higher and more important than them- 
selves, it is only as assistants in the great seminary 
over which the father and the mother are principals, 
that they can be safely employed and trusted. Put 
them at the head, and you reverse the order of God 
and nature, — you make that first which should be 
last, and that last which should be first. 

No influence is so deep and decisive as that of the 
mother. Napoleon was once asked what could be 



THE PARENT. 29 

done for France ; his reply was, " We need good 
mothers." In our own country, what gave us a 
Washington ? The fidelity of Martha, his mother. 
We are told that the elder Adams, being once 
questioned respecting the education of his son, 
John Quincy, after giving an account of the various 
literary institutions in which he had placed him, 
abroad and at home, closed his account with these 
emphatic words : — " But, after all, my son had a 
mother." When we add to this the fidelity of his 
honored father, and the illustrious example of his 
character, we can see whence came the bright jew- 
els in his moral crown. 

Are sufficient efforts made to enlighten and to im- 
press the parents in this community ? In this age, 
when the pen and the tongue are acting with unpre- 
cedented vigor, we find very much addressed to our 
children. The public school abounds in lectures, 
encouragements, and admonitions to its pupils. 
The Sunday school has its lessons, addresses, and 
exhortations. Books without number are written on 
the duties of the young ; they are thus incessantly 
plied with instructions, intellectual, moral, and re- 
ligious. We have, too, Normal schools to educate 
teachers, and conventions and lesser meetings for 
Sunday-school teachers. But who, meantime, coun- 
sels the parent ? While his child is at school being 
taught his obligations, he is at home untaught and 
neglected. He may hear, once or twice in the re- 



30 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

volving year, a sermon on parental duty. He may 
chance on some volume, or an occasional paragraph 
in the newspapers, setting forth his momentous rela- 
tion and influence. But can this suffice ? Nay, I 
have sometimes thought it is the parent, rather than 
the teacher or the child, who needs this array of aids 
and instructions. I am sure it is ignorance alone 
that can explain the fearful prevalence of errors in 
domestic education. The father loves his son ; he 
would not willingly neglect to train him aright ; but 
he does not know, — he does not know the best 
means and methods of making him what his heart de- 
sires to see him. The mother would not for worlds 
do any harm to this daughter. No ; she is full of af- 
fection and full of devotedness to her ; but alas ! her 
love is blind. She does not perceive, that, instead 
of educating her well, preparing her for mental ex- 
cellence, self-dependence, self-sacrifice, real piety, 
and an unblemished worth, she is leading her every 
day in the opposite direction. She is doing what 
for her right hand she would not do, could she fore- 
see the result of her course. Therefore do I say 
that the times call, — out of the bosom of all these 
schools, and helps, and appliances for the young, — 
they call for a prophet-tongued eloquence to teach 
parents the duties, the responsibilities, the toils, that 
rest inevitably — directly, personally, inevitably — 
upon them. 

I speak of responsibilities. And who can or does 



THE PARENT. 31 

doubt that the parent is bound to do something for 
his child ? Questions may arise as to what he must 
do ; but that, as fathers and as mothers, we are sol- 
emnly required to do something for our children, all 
will agree. A little one is placed in our hands : 
do we think of the vast influences and issues con- 
nected with this gift ? 

" A babe in a house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger 
of peace and love ; 

A resting-place for innocence on earth ; a link between an- 
gels and men ; 

Yet it is a talent of trust, a loan to be rendered back with 
interest. 

A delight, but redolent of care ; honey-sweet, but lacking 
not the bitter ; 

For character groweth day by day, and all things aid it in 
unfolding ; 

And the bent unto good or evil may be given in the hours 
of infancy. 

Scratch the green rind of a sapling, or wantonly twist it in 
the soil, 

The scarred and crooked oak will tell of thee for centuries 
to come ; 

Even so mayest thou guide the mind to good, or lead it to 
the marrings of evil. 

With his mother's milk the young child drinketh in edu- 
cation." 

And now, seeing this great work begins at the 
cradle, we cannot too earnestly impress parents with 
the inalienable nature of their task. No father 
would deny his obligation to support and maintain 



32 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

his child. " He that doth not provide for his own 
household is worse than an infidel, and hath denied 
the faith." But is this all we owe our children ? 
Are there no other duties, to neglect which is to 
u deny the faith " ? The parent is bound to do all 
in his power to secure to his child sound health and 
a vigorous bodily constitution ; he must be taught 
the need of temperance, of exercise, and the daily 
endurance of hardship and labor. It is said one 
half the human race die under the age of five. 
What a fearful disclosure is this of parental igno- 
rance and neglect ! 

To physical education we must add the culture of 
the mind. If it be the part of an unbeliever to pro- 
vide neither food nor raiment for his offspring, and 
to take no care of their bodily health, it is equally 
criminal to bestow no thought on their intellectual 
improvement. That mother who is so absorbed in 
society and amusements, or in domestic avocations, 
as to forego all mental and cultivated intercourse 
with her daughters, commits a fatal error. And that 
father who spends his whole time and strength in lay- 
ing up property for his sons, to the neglect of their 
higher nature, — who is so weary at night that he can- 
not read a book or talk with his children on any men- 
tal or elevating subject, — may yet rue his course. 
For what will it profit him to acquire for them silver 
and gold, stocks and estates, if he fail also to leave 
them the richer bequest of well-cultivated intellects, 



THE PARENT. 33 

a taste for profitable reading, a love of home enjoy- 
ments, habits of order and quietness, a sensibility to 
all that is noble in character, and a love of the Fa- 
ther, who gave us these precious powers for his own 
honor and for the glorious work of doing good to our 
fellow -immortals ? 

Here opens to us another sphere of parental obli- 
gation, — that of moral and religious education. 
Here is a vineyard which no husbandmen can dress 
except those appointed by God. A child may have 
a thousand other spiritual instructors ; he can have 
but one mother and one father. We owe none can 
tell how much to the long line of teachers, who be- 
gin with our children in the alphabet, and carry them 
up, from stage to stage, until they complete their 
school education. To every one who inculcates a 
good principle in their presence, incites them by 
generous examples, or suggests and amends their er- 
rors, our debt is indeed great. And large, too, are 
our obligations to that blessed company of Sunday- 
school instructors, who, from Sabbath to Sabbath, 
punctually and patiently unfold to them the teachings 
of the Saviour, draw out their best thoughts and 
feelings, and quicken them to the love of God and 
man. But still there is a void left, a wide void, in 
their moral needs, which none but the parent can fill. 

What is the seat and centre of a child's sweet- 
est associations ? Not the school-room, pleasant as 
that may be rendered by a wise and gentle teacher, 
3 



34 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

and by congenial companions. Not, either, the 
church or the vestry where the Sunday school gath- 
ers, though the faithful teacher will secure a love in 
the hearts of her class which neither life nor death 
can obliterate. But, after all, " there is no place 
like home," — there is no word that calls forth such 
music as that. Around the fireside it is that our 
earliest and tenderest affections cluster. And among 
all the sweet memories of the past, there are none so 
sweet, none so enduring, as these. Years may roll 
over us, old ties may be broken and new ones 
formed, but for ever do we turn back to that dear 
spot, our childhood's home. And, amid the names 
and the forms that revisit the mind, the dearest and 
fairest of all are associated with those two beings, 
father and mother. The words they addressed to 
us, their lives and their deeds, these tower above 
everything else ; and they have gone deepest into 
our souls, and done most to make us what we now 
are. 

Such is the appointment of God. He is the au- 
thor of the family ties, and we can trace his wisdom 
in creating them and clothing them with such power. 
He has made the heart of the parent the stronghold of 
the human affections. There is no love to be com- 
pared with that of a mother. What will she not do, 
what will she not suffer, for the child of her bosom ? 
And why is she endowed with this love ? Partly, 
beyond question, that she may preserve the lives and 



THE PARENT. 35 

the health of her offspring. But that is not all ; she 
was intended also to preserve their spiritual life and 
their moral health. The memory of what our mother 
did for us, and of her countless sacrifices, tends to 
soften and improve us in all subsequent years. What 
we did not appreciate at that period comes back to us 
now in angel voices, and, whatever other kind friends 
we have since found, we realize that we have had but 
one mother. And if we can remember a father's 
wisdom, and self-denial for our sakes, — if we can 
recall his earnest precepts, his anxious counsels and 
warnings, and think of prayers he offered with us 
and for us, and of his own elevated example, — we 
must, indeed, again and again feel, that, though we 
had instructors many, and perhaps faithful ones, too, 
we have had but one father. 

Say I not truly, then, that no parent can delegate 
his office and his responsibilities to any other human 
being ? There are those who desire to do this. 
We sometimes hear of a father who brings his son 
to the judge on the bench, and asks him to provide a 
home for him in some house of correction or refor- 
mation ! Another would give up his child, so ob- 
stinate and vicious is he, to the state. There are 
authentic accounts of parents in London contriving 
to induce their children to commit crimes, in order 
to throw them upon the state for support, and thus 
relieve themselves from the cost and care of bringing 
them up. In 1847 there were four cases in one 



36 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

court, where the parents had endeavoured to escape 
the natural burden of their children by prosecuting 
them ; and in one case there was good ground to sus- 
pect that money had been intentionally placed in the 
way of a lad by his parents, to incite him to theft. 
An American writer tells us he has repeatedly had 
children offered him in the streets of London by 
their own mothers. So terrible is the influence of 
poverty, in not only obliterating the sense of parental 
responsibility, but even destroying the natural affec- 
tions. Indeed, I have seen accounts of more than 
one instance of a mother taking the life of her own 
child to procure for herself bread from the fees of 
a burial society. We have Reform Schools and 
Farm Schools in this country, and how many other 
institutions to take the place of parental care and ed- 
ucation ! These are blessed institutions ; they pick 
up the vagrant boy, and save many a sinking soul. 
But they cannot, by the utmost vigilance and faithful- 
ness of their overseers and teachers, — no, never can 
they supply perfectly the place of a pure and devoted 
mother, and a temperate, judicious, and exemplary 
father. We speak of the parental care and expend- 
itures of the city and the state, and this is high praise. 
But, after all, let the state pour out its thousands, and 
let private benevolence give what it may, and let it 
add its personal efforts, — let a Howard, a Fry, or 
a Dix visit every prison, and toil on to the utmost in 
their godlike services, — they cannot rise to the lofty 



THE PARENT. 37 

rank of the parent. They may imitate the good fa- 
ther or mother, but it is only at a distance that they 
can follow their Heaven-appointed, Heaven-seeking 
steps. 

I have spoken of vicious and unfaithful parents 
giving up their children to other hands. But it is 
not these alone who desire to free themselves of 
parental responsibility and labor. Many have mo- 
ments at least, — very good persons will attest this, 
— moments in which they would fain transfer their 
children to some other care. When the son de- 
means himself well, is gentle and obedient and 
kind, they enjoy their charge. But let him grow 
disobedient, stubborn, selfish, and untractable, they 
desire then to part from him. If the daughter be 
domestic, helpful, self-sacrificing, then she is the de- 
light of her mother. It is only needful that she be- 
come indolent, passionate, or for any reason unman- 
ageable, and straightway the parent would send her 
from home, or consign her to another's care. She 
imagines, perhaps, that the good of the child will be 
consulted by this arrangement. Seldom, I believe, 
is this the case. It is never more true than here, as 
a general rule, that " whom God hath joined to- 
gether man may not put asunder." He hath es- 
tablished the bond between this father and this son, 
and He it is who stationed this mother to be the 
guardian of her child. Let them be slow, very 
slow to call in teacher, governess, nurse, brother, 



38 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

sister, uncle, aunt, any inmate or any helper, and 
take the crown from their own brow and place it on 
his or hers. 

The present age is marked by the want among 
children of a spirit of reverence, subordination, and 
docility. To what is this owing ? Not to any 
change in the nature of childhood from past periods, 
when respect and order were almost universal. Ev- 
ery child has the faculty of reverence in him ; there 
is something which excites his wonder and awe. 
No one is unmoved by the mighty powers of Na- 
ture ; her awful, majestic, uncomprehended forces 
inspire the schoolboy with reverence. Nay, every 
child does respect some human being and human 
power. There are men before whom the proudest 
do quail ; office, station, simple character, can, for 
they do, subdue the very scoffer. 

Our institutions are unfriendly, perhaps, to rever- 
ence. The cry of c£ Liberty and Equality " brings 
down all to a level, the middle-aged, and sometimes 
the old, as w T ell as the young. But even here, where 
ranks and titles are abolished, there is still left a foun- 
dation for the sentiment of veneration. Let parents 
do their whole duty, and they can resist, to a great 
degree, this unhappy tendency of our age and coun- 
try. Let them awaken a regard for their own posi- 
tion and authority. It needs no Puritanic sternness 
to do this ; a gentle, steady, firm hand is all that is 
wanted. There is no child w T ho may not be con- 



THE PARENT. 39 

trolled and made respectful by a patient and uniform 
discipline. 

But rare are the instances of reverence where a 
child is left to the day school or the Sunday school 
for his entire moral education. I account partly for 
the present spirit of disrespect among the young by 
the fact, that parents do not now educate their chil- 
dren themselves, as their fathers did, in the princi- 
ples of piety and duty ; they do not, like them, thus 
make the family altar a centre of sacred and venera- 
ble associations. If you give up your son and 
daughter entirely to other hands to teach and train, 
you cannot reasonably expect that love and respect 
which flow from personal culture by the parent. 
Our youth will never walk steadily in the heaven- 
ward path, unless we add to their Sunday-school in- 
struction that of the fireside. 

Nor is instruction sufficient ; there is a work to be 
done at home for their characters which no teacher, 
however faithful, can do for them at school. Every 
good lesson they learn on Sunday must be follow- 
ed up by parental watchfulness on the week-day. 
Woe to those who consciously resign the whole re- 
ligious care of their children to any other being on 
earth ! Blessed are they who make it a point of 
conscience to reiterate and to carry out in actual life 
the good things inculcated in the Sunday school ! 
Where this is done, the child grows up " subject," 
like Jesus in his childhood, " to his parents," and 



40 



THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 



never utters in their presence the language, or exhib- 
its the manner, of any other than a perfectly loving 
and reverent regard. 

The labor to be performed is personal ; no foreign 
hand can perform it. We can hire no substitute, we 
can employ no agent. Here we stand, and here we 
must work. The influence of the parent is the 
mightiest on earth, and it must be used, — used ev- 
ery day while his child is beneath his roof, — used 
early and late, with prayer and with trust. We 
have other talents which we may misemploy, and re- 
cover, in part at least, our loss ; but this, if we waste 
it or let it be idle, involves an irreparable loss. We 
are making a mark on the characters of our children 
which time will never efface. Let it be done with a 
full sense of its consequences. 



CHAPTER III. 



THE STEP-MOTHER. 



From what has been said in the preceding chap- 
ter, it follows necessarily that no relation in life is 
more delicate, and no office in the domestic circle 
more difficult to discharge, than that of a step- 
mother. Her position is peculiar, inasmuch as it 
involves duties for the faithful discharge of which 
there seem often to be no adequate motives. 
Among the obstacles in the way of these duties, 
two stand prominent. 

In the first place, every child needs the constant 
care of a purely disinterested nurse, guardian, and 
friend. Nothing but a spirit of entire self-sacrifice 
will prompt to this care. But where are we to look 
for this spirit ? Who will consent to give up her 
time, her pleasures, her labors, her very sleep and 
rest, for the little dependent one ? What fountain 
of love is so deep that it will never fail amid this per- 
petual draught on its waters ? God has created one, 
and it is in the bosom of that being who bore the 
child. There is an affection that will minister to its 



42 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

every manifested want, nay, will seek out and watch 
for new wants ; it will be never weary of well-doing. 
It will bear with ill-humor and peevishness, with ob- 
stinacy, obtuseness, and every intractable quality. 
When the child tires, it will rejoice to stretch forth 
a helping hand ; it will have a kiss for every tear, 
and a kind tone for every trouble. No tasks will be 
imposed beyond the strength of childhood, and no 
habit permitted which tends to injure health, charac- 
ter, heart, or mind. When sickness comes, a min- 
istering angel is near to cherish the helpless sufferer ; 
it is a mother who holds him in her arms or bends 
over his pillow, and she never chides his restlessness 
or rebukes his caprice. There she sits, day after 
day, and night after night, by his bedside, an imper- 
sonation of that divine charity which u suffereth 
long, and is kind, which is not easily provoked, 
which beareth all things, hopeth all things, endureth 
all things," which, in the glorious language of the 
Apostle, " never faileth." 

But in the heart of the step-mother there is no 
such natural fountain of unfailing love. The tie that 
binds her to the child in her care was created by 
man. She does not possess — and it is unreason- 
able to demand of her — that deep, inexhaustible 
affection which is spontaneous in the child's own 
mother. At first, certainly, she must be governed 
more by intellectual considerations, or at best by 
high moral principle, than by any maternal feeling. 



THE STEP-MOTHER. 43 

If her character be elevated and pure, she will be 
faithful to this child from a sense of duty. In aid 
of this motive may come in a love of the daughter 
as the offspring of her husband, or as a member of 
her own family. But what elevated principle, what 
rare self-sacrifice, will it discover, if she never neg- 
lect her duty to her step-child ! How kw will rise 
at once to such exalted virtue ! In many an instance 
has the little one never secured its rightful place in 
the heart of this parent. He or she has been gov- 
erned, not in love, but with the rod. There has 
been an exercise of stern parental authority, never 
mitigated by parental kindness. Heavy tasks are 
imposed, and no drop of mercy mingles in the cup 
of justice. Sometimes we see the cruel taskmaster 
demanding the full tale of bricks when no straw is 
given. Day after day the hard " stint " is im- 
posed, no rest is allowed, recreation is forbidden, 
and the little sufferer becomes haggard with a pre- 
mature age. Study is heaped upon study, the inter- 
mission must be filled up with work, each holiday is 
grudged, and vacation, the joy of weary childhood, 
must be all occupied in sitting upright in a chair, and 
plying the needle or reading a book. 

Who can be surprised, that, under this iron rule, 
the sweets of this happy period are often turned into 
" the gall of bitterness " ? The morning of life is 
thus shadowed by an unnatural darkness ; and, in- 
stead of filial love, we see alienation, hostility, and 



44 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

hatred, with all its desolating effects, take possession 
of the child. 

This leads me to say, that another great source of 
difficulty in this relation is the fact, that children can 
have no natural affection for a step-mother. She 
comes to them a stranger ; and if it be hard for her 
to do her own duty, from the absence of a natural 
love, how much harder must it needs be for them ? 
She may be expected, from her age, and her station 
also, to be influenced in her relation to them by high 
moral considerations, by a sense of her duty to them, 
to her husband and his family, and by her responsi- 
bility to the God and Father of all families. But 
these children, so young, so inexperienced, can 
hardly be required to act from so pure and elevated 
motives. Much must be pardoned in every child ; 
how much in those thus bereft of a mother's foster- 
ing care ! What impartial judgment, and what 
steady self-possession, are needed in her who has 
taken that mother's place ! How ought she to 
watch her own heart, and guard it against selfish 
feelings ! Let her make constant allowance for the 
condition of these children. She must consider, 
over and over, the disadvantages of their situation. 
She can never create in them a natural love for her- 
self, and the cheerful obedience that may flow from 
it. But by great assiduity and faithfulness she can 
win their respect, secure their love, and so awaken a 
deep regard for her wishes and her happiness. 



THE STEP-MOTHER. 45 

It is sometimes difficult for this parent to maintain 
her authority, on account of the injudicious interfer- 
ence of the connections, or the friends and acquaint- 
ances, of the children. They take part, perhaps, 
with every disposition to disregard her commands, 
if they do not say, in so many words, — " She is 
not your mother, and I would not obey her." 
There is a spirit thus fostered, which it may be 
harder to withstand than that of open disobedience. 
Perhaps it never breaks out in the rebellious lan- 
guage of " I wont mind you," but it still utters it- 
self in actions, which often speak louder than words. 
Let the attempt never be made to subdue this spirit 
by physical force, or by harsh tones, angry looks, 
and virulent language. It must be met by gentle- 
ness, soothed by kindness, repressed by an angelic 
forbearance and patience ; in one word, it can only 
be overcome by a steady faith in the omnipotence of 
Love. 

In addition to these trials, the step-mother is em- 
barrassed by the difference between her own relation 
to the children of her husband and his. In ordinary 
cases, his love for them will be greater than hers, 
and this will incline him to a proportionate indulgence 
toward them. They soon perceive this, and it leads 
them to refer to his decision rather than hers on ev- 
ery disputed topic. They anticipate the greater kind- 
ness from him, and lean more and more toward him. 
The father is regarded as their best friend, and soon 



45 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

odious comparisons are instituted, and these increase 
their alienation from her toward whom there should 
be an ever-growing love. Wherever parents, for 
any cause whatever, disagree in the management of 
their children, the consequences must be disastrous. 
Amid the contentions of father and mother, we see 
the character of the daughter " a coat of many col- 
ors," a building of incongruous materials, which 
cannot stand in this world of temptation and trial. 
And happy will it be if the sons do not betray the 
mournful effects of a family government which brings 
parents to shame. 

If the step-mother become the parent of other 
children, her position is yet more trying to the char- 
acter. The new-comer awakens a natural love, and 
this calls forth kindnesses never bestowed on her 
former children. They perceive some, and imag- 
ine, perhaps, more, of what they think an unreason- 
able partiality. The better cake is given to the own 
son, the richer dress to the own daughter. The 
one is served, the other is made a servant. If a ride, 
or a pleasant walk, or a visit, is proposed, the neg- 
lected ones soon learn to anticipate their portion. 
Who can bear slights and coldnesses like these unaf- 
fected ? What child must not feel them, and, ac- 
cording to his disposition, either droop and grieve at 
his lot, or be exasperated to resentment, if not to 
open rebellion ? How often is a house thus divided 
against itself ! Blessed is she — and we do witness 



THE STEP-MOTHER. 47 

such noble examples — who holds an even disci- 
pline over every child in these two conflicting re- 
lations ; who resolves, and prays, and strives that 
she may deal in equal tenderness and equal justice 
to them all ! 



CHAPTER IV. 



SCHOOL EDUCATION. 



The relations of the parent to the week-day 
schools in which his children are educated are so 
important, that a chapter must be given to their sep- 
arate consideration. The child spends in these 
schools, in ordinary cases, six hours a day ; that is, 
from a third to one half of his conscious existence, 
between the ages of four and sixteen. It is this pe- 
riod which usually decides the character for life, and 
the large proportion of it spent in the school-room 
clothes that place with a momentous interest. A 
slight error on the part of any one concerned in the 
influences of the school-room, pursued from day to 
day and from year to year, may be followed by fear- 
ful results. Hence it is that no conscientious par- 
ent can fail to give this subject his constant and anx- 
ious attention. 

What, then, are the duties of parents in relation 
to the week-day school ? 

1. The first, beyond question, is to form a clear 
idea of the object of the school. Why all this care 



SCHOOL EDUCATION. 49 

of the State to foster this institution ? Why do 
towns, districts, neighbourhoods, and families ex- 
pend so much thought and so much treasure on the 
establishment of good schools ? Or rather, what 
ought to be the great motive at the foundation of 
these labors and sacrifices ? Is it the bestowing of 
knowledge on the young at which we supremely 
aim ? If so, we commit an error on the threshold 
of this subject ; for mere knowledge poured on the 
passive mind is of little avail. It loads the memory 
with a burden almost useless in practical life. No, 
the first aim should be to educate, that is, as the 
word signifies, to call forth, the mental powers of 
the child. His mind must be quickened, and exert 
itself vigorously, and increase in strength and in re- 
finement, at each stage of his studies. Nor is this 
all ; he should be so educated as to love knowledge 
for its own sake, and to carry with him through life 
a desire of constant intellectual improvement. 

But is this the final end of the school-room ? 
May the parent rest content with the intellectual 
progress of his child, and desire nothing more than 
to hear of his distinguished talents, and that he is a 
splendid scholar ? Shall he judge the teacher by no 
other standard than his ability to press his pupils for- 
ward in their studies ? This, I believe, is the usual 
criterion of excellence ; but far, fatally far, does it 
fall short of the standard of a really Christian- par- 
ent. With him the intellect never ranks highest 
4 



50 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

among the inward powers and possessions of his 
child. No ; precious as is mental culture, and noble 
as are the attainments of a good education in this 
sense, there is one object still higher and better, 
and that is moral culture, the education of the 
child's conscience, the training of his will, the en- 
largement and purifying of his social affections. If 
this be the purpose of the fireside, it should be 
equally that of the school-room. Let the parent 
never be satisfied with anything below this ; let him 
not be seduced by bright scholarship to neglect, or 
suffer the teacher to neglect, the care of his child's 
character. If that is steadily improving, if to 
knowledge is daily added virtue, then indeed is the 
teacher faithful, and the scholar is receiving a good 
education. 

2. Regard your part as of equal importance with 
that of the teacher for the success of your children's 
school. Many, it is feared, think that when the 
school is once put in operation their work is done. 
They are anxious to reside near the school-room, 
they exert themselves to procure a teacher, and per- 
haps take a warm interest in the election of the 
school committee ; but when the school begins, and 
they send their children supplied with books, all 
their solicitude suddenly departs. They remind one 
of the good deacon, who said that when his own 
minister was preaching he fell asleep, for he knew 
that then everything would go on well. 



SCHOOL EDUCATION. 51 

But nothing goes on well in that school where the 
parents of the children perform no duty toward it, 
and take no interest in its progress. The teacher is 
often baffled, and his hands are constantly weakened, 
by the indifference at home. If the attention of fa- 
ther and mother is remitted for a single day, that day 
is robbed of a part of its benefits to the scholar. 
The very idea that the parents observe his course 
and give him credit for fidelity is a stimulus to the 
teacher. And if the child has reason to believe that 
his parents only think of him as he passes from 
study to study, and especially if he believes they are 
made happy at the thought of his mental and moral 
improvement, he applies himself with redoubled 
vigor. Always, therefore, follow your children in 
mind to the school-room ; show the teacher that you 
prize his efforts, and are laboring at home to second 
them. Cultivate his acquaintance, and keep up 
more or less intercourse with him. Let your chil- 
dren see that you feel responsible in part for their 
progress, and consider that you have something ev- 
ery day to do in regard to their school ; in a word, 
think, plan, labor, to sustain the teacher. 

3. Let the discipline of home combine with that 
of the school-room. If the teacher govern with 
gentleness joined to decision, so let the parent. It is 
sad to witness the conflicts of these two spheres of 
education. " When I am in the presence of either 
father or mother," said Lady Jane Grey, " whether 



52 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

I speak, keep silence, sit, stand, or go, eat, drink, 
be merry or sad, be sewing, playing, dancing, or do- 
ing anything else, I must do it, as it were, in such 
weight, measure, and number, even so perfectly as 
God made the world, or else I am so sharply taunt- 
ed, so cruelly threatened, yea, presently some- 
times, with nips, and bobs, and other ways which I 
will not name, for the honor I bear them, so without 
measure misordered, that I think myself in hell, till 
time come that I must go to Mr. Elmer, who teach- 
eth me so gently, so pleasantly, with such fair allure- 
ments to learning, that I think all the time nothing, 
whiles I am with him. And when I am called from 
him I fall on weeping, because, whatever I do else, 
but learning, is full of grief, trouble, fear, and whole 
misliking unto me." 

Nothing more impedes the success of a teacher 
than parental neglect at home. What can any one 
do with those children who bring to the school-room 
a spirit of disobedience ? It is cruel to complain of 
disorder there, if we allow it constantly in our fam- 
ilies. How often do parents thwart a faithful in- 
structor by indulging their children in habits of idle- 
ness ! They paralyze his moral government through 
their disregard of the sacred duty of truthfulness in 
their children. A boy cannot be managed properly 
at school who is not conscientious at home. And 
what shall we say of that father who never yet taught 
his son, either by word or deed, the great object of 



SCHOOL EDUCATION. 53 

a school education ? We need angels — for mortals 
cannot do the work — to teach well and rule well 
those children who are sent, one must almost be- 
lieve, with an allowed and determined purpose of 
arraying themselves at once against the teacher, 
and vexing his spirit, and counteracting his efforts. 
When shall we join in making it the combined study 
at our firesides to relieve those who are now so of- 
ten burdened by our thoughtless negligence, if not 
by our absolute labor to frustrate their success ? 
We need to this end the heavenly spirit that animat- 
ed the mother of Increase Mather, and, like her, to 
make character the first thing in our parental suppli- 
cations. " Child," was her devoted address to 
him, " if God make thee a Good Christian and a 
Good Scholar, thou hast all that thy mother ever 
asked for thee." The Christian character, gentle- 
ness, obedience, tractableness toward God and man 
at home, is an earnest of good progress at school. 

4. With this view of bis duty, the parent will 
send his children regularly and punctually to school. 
If they are not there, to what purpose has the teach- 
er been employed, and the school opened ? If they 
do not use their school-books, why have you pur- 
chased them ? The child who is irregular in attend- 
ance falls behind his class, loses his ambition, and 
finally his whole interest in the school. We make 
no progress in any pursuit when our interest in it has 
gone ; and who has not noticed that those children 



54 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

who are never absent always feel the deepest interest 
in their studies ? Their attendance is the thermom- 
eter by which you can measure the warmth of their 
love for the school. Keep them at home one day 
in each week, and you nearly neutralize the benefit 
of all the other days. Parents have no conception 
of the magnitude of the evil of irregular attendance 
at school. The father who threw, every week, a cer- 
tain part of his money into the sea, would be regard- 
ed as cruel to his family, nay, as absolutely insane. 
But, by as much as knowledge is better than silver, 
and a good character better than fine gold, by so 
much worse are the consequences of taking our chil- 
dren's time from their school than throwing away 
the money we might leave them on our death-bed. 
Send your children with a miser's frugality, as far as 
possible, every day, and to every session of their 
school. 

Punctuality is likewise all-important. To lose the 
first hour of the session is often to lose the best part, 
and sometimes the whole, of it. It breaks the thread 
of study, and makes each succeeding hour the harder 
for the pupil. Do not, then, detain your daughter 
from the opening hour ; show her that, if she is tardy, 
it shall not be the fault of her mother. Never listen 
to slight excuses for being late ; sickness and intense 
severity of weather are the only habitual excuses we 
should permit for absence or tardiness. When par- 
ents come to feel the necessity of this strict regular- 



SCHOOL EDUCATION. 55 

ity, a power will be set in motion far greater, and at 
the same time far less embarrassing and vexatious, 
than rigid rules made by teachers and committees. 

5. That the school may prosper, parents must 
converse with their children in regard to its details 
and its progress. What is talked about in the fam- 
ily becomes important in their estimation. If they 
never hear a word said concerning their teacher, 
their studies, their lessons and recitations, they 
think their parents do not care for these things. 
Where food, dress, business, making money, or the 
faults of their neighbours, are every day discussed, 
they think these are matters of grave concern. But 
what must be their estimate of their school, if it is 
never mentioned, — if no earnestness is manifested 
about it, and no word or deed seems to show any 
special interest in it ? Let it become a leading topic 
of conversation at the table, or in the evening, and a 
single term will produce a marvellous change in the 
children's devotion to it. They will be regular in 
their attendance, and study out of school as well as 
in it. 

I would not encourage habits of excessive appli- 
cation. The tendency at this time, in many in- 
stances, is to force children forward too rapidly. 
Wherever the health suffers, or the disposition is 
made irritable, the child is doing too much ; and let 
the parent say this to him or her. Let not an ambi- 
tion to excel be indulged till the constitution be un- 



56 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

dermined, and the seeds sown of disease and prema- 
ture death. Nor let the temper be spoiled for the 
sake of making a good scholar. Health, equanim- 
ity, character, are better than all mere knowledge. 
Teach your children, in so many words, never to 
sacrifice the former to the latter. 

6. And, to save their health and their virtue, as 
well as for other ends, parents should assist their 
children in learning their lessons. Every father, 
however ignorant, can do something in this way to 
help his sons. Every mother knows enough to 
teach the rudiments, at least, to her daughters. 
The mere attempt to do it encourages a child, and 
we should fail in these attempts much less seldom 
than we imagine. There are few branches of an el- 
ementary education in which neither parent can ren- 
der any instruction whatever. And if, after failing 
yourself, you but call in the aid of an older broth- 
er or sister, you will afford invaluable assistance. 
Never turn a deaf ear to one troubled in his studies. 
Do something, rather, in leisure hours, to qualify 
yourself for cooperating with his teacher. If you 
can but help the little laborer over one hill-top, it 
may dry his tears, and make you an object of new 
love and respect. 

7. Parents may do a good service to the school 
by attending its examinations, and witnessing the pro- 
ficiency of their children. The presence of visitors 
is cheering to the teacher ; it gives him palpable 



SCHOOL EDUCATION. 57 

evidence that he is not laboring in vain. If the 
parents and guardians of his pupils never enter the 
school-room, he naturally thinks they are uncon- 
cerned in regard to his exertions. They give him 
no credit for toil and success, and he comes at last 
to feel discouraged, and from discouragement the 
path is short to remissness and inaction. To gratify 
the teacher, therefore, and to give him strength, we 
should visit his school. 

For the sake of his children, let the parent occa- 
sionally enter the school-room. It would animate 
them, not only at the moment of recitation, but in 
their hours of study. When they anticipate a fa- 
ther's smile and a mother's friendly eye on the day 
of examination, it inspires them through the whole 
previous term. They may fear the presence of un- 
accustomed teachers, of their school-committee, and 
of strangers, but they love that of their parents. It 
affords an incitement, sometimes more powerful, and 
often far more beneficial, than the dreaded inspection 
of cold observers. 

It is well to drop in and see your children at their 
studies whenever you can. Do not wait for the day 
of public examination. Indeed, both teacher and 
children will prize a casual call more than those 
which are invited and formal. If you only look in 
for a few moments, it does them good. It becomes 
not only an intellectual stimulus, but a social benefit, 
by promoting kind feelings between the teacher and 



58 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

yourself ; and it leads often to moral good, as it el- 
evates his motives, and awakens deep and pure sym- 
pathies in the hearts of the children. 

8. The subject of holidays and vacations is too 
important to be passed over unnoticed. There 
seems in some cases to be a conflict going continually 
on in this matter between parent and teacher. The 
committee, in our public schools, stands usually be- 
tween the two parties, as a mediating power. Per- 
haps I should add the children to the party of the 
teacher. But why this apparent hostility ? Do we 
not all in reality stand on one side of the field ? I 
have thought that parents, in most instances, need 
only to be enlightened, to cooperate heartily with 
the friends of holidays and vacations. 

What does the parent desire ? " Nothing, " he 
will reply, " but the good of my child." In what, 
then, does that good consist ? A part, and a large 
part certainly, of it consists in the improvement of 
your child's intellect. But is this the whole ? Sup- 
pose him to be filled with knowledge ; is nothing 
more desirable ? To say this is to forget that he 
has a body, as well as a mind, to be taken care of ; 
and it is to leave out of view, also, his moral, spirit- 
ual, and immortal nature. 

Your child has a mortal frame ; and so closely is it 
connected with his mental powers, that these cannot 
be truly educated except that frame be in health. 
u A sound mind in a sound body" was the desire 



SCHOOL EDUCATION. 59 

of the Roman poet ; and we cannot possess a sound 
mind in a diseased body. If, then, you require your 
child to cultivate his intellect at the expense of his 
health, you not only rob him of all the comforts of 
good health, but you injure also his mind. To 
make a good scholar of him, you must allow him 
abundant exercise, and you must give him the am- 
plest allowance of time for it. In other words, you 
must welcome his holidays and vacations w T ith the 
same pleasure as you do his terms for study. 

The age is crowding our children with new stud- 
ies. Branch after branch is added to the list, and 
young and still younger are the scholars in our high- 
est schools. What is the consequence ? They are 
fast losing their health ; the race, physically speak- 
ing, is on the rapid decline. Our boys are pale, pu- 
ny, and feeble ; round shoulders are almost univer- 
sal among them. A manly, erect, well-developed 
frame is becoming a rare sight ; and what will they 
be in their after life ? Not vigorous, athletic men, 
but effeminate, weak, and degenerate in body. No 
influence is doing so much to hasten on this melan- 
choly issue as that of our schools. If we will per- 
sist in forcing our children thus forward in their stud- 
ies, — and I rejoice in their progress with my whole 
heart, if it can be made safely, — if we demand this 
mental progress, then, in the name of humanity, let 
us give their bodies a proportionate care. Let us 
increase their days of recreation and rest. 



60 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

For the sake of their moral improvement, we 
should encourage liberal vacations. Unremitted 
study disorders the nerves, and with that disorder 
comes an effect on the temper and the whole char- 
acter. No wonder your boy is irritable and passion- 
ate. His brain is overtasked, probably, at school, 
and you put no corresponding tasks on his physical 
frame. Your daughter is growing silent and morose, 
and why ? She is stimulated unnaturally by her ex- 
cessive studies ; and her anxiety about them, and 
her intense application to them, are destroying her 
health, and, with that, her cheerfulness. You should 
feel, also, the need of her learning something of do- 
mestic duties. What are her prospects as a house- 
keeper, going on as she is in ignorance of the needle 
and of culinary affairs ? But w T hat can be done ? 
She must u get her lessons," and, to do this, she 
must study hour after hour, and not only in school 
but out of school. Will you, then, complain of fre- 
quent holidays, and of too long vacations, when these 
are the only occasions on which she can learn any- 
thing of household duties, and be prepared to take 
charge of a family ? I sometimes fear that the 
daughters now in our schools will ill supply the 
place of their mothers ; and I am sure that abun- 
dant respite from their studies, and an increased 
practice of housekeeping, are all that can avert this 
calamity. 

Our children should have long vacations, that they 



SCHOOL EDUCATION. 61 

may enjoy opportunities to leave their home occa- 
sionally, and mingle with the world at large. It is 
well that they be sometimes taken from their parents, 
and from the comforts and indulgences of home, that 
they may learn to value their home. A change of 
air and scenery is beneficial to their health. It is 
good, also, for their characters. Children learn 
much by observation ; their minds are benefited 
by visiting new scenes ; what they see when at this 
period produces a permanent impression ; and if you 
send them into good society, they receive an indel- 
ible advantage. 

A protracted vacation spent away from home 
teaches our children lessons of self-dependence. 
"While they are at our side, they lean constantly upon 
us. When they are absent, they are compelled to 
take care of their own persons and their little affairs 
for themselves. They become, too, more manly 
and womanly by being obliged to speak, act, and 
think for themselves. It improves their manners, 
and strengthens their virtues. They learn, also, to 
respect, as well as to love, their parents, by being 
temporarily separated from them. For these and for 
many other reasons, if we are wise, we shall encour- 
age teachers, and all the guardians of our school's, to 
appoint frequent holidays and generous vacations. 

9. The school-room cannot prosper unless par- 
ents cooperate with it by joining domestic to school 
education. The father would have his son qualified 



62 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

for business and duty in after life. Let him, then, 
follow his studies, and point out to him their connec- 
tion with actual life. Writing, spelling, grammar, 
geography, arithmetic, — let him show where and how 
each of these is needed in the world. It will lend 
a wonderful charm to each of these studies. The 
mother can illustrate the bearing of knowledge on do- 
mestic pursuits. If the teacher be faithful, his labors 
reach the mental character, strengthen the judgment, 
and improve the taste. These qualities are called in- 
to exercise constantly at the fireside. A sagacious 
mother can unite her efforts, on a thousand occa- 
sions, to those of the school-room, in expanding the 
mind of her daughter. She can do it by direct con- 
versation on the several branches of study. She can 
do it equally by calling forth indirectly, amid house- 
hold avocations, the attainments of the school. So will 
both streams of instruction blend beautifully together, 
and bear their waters to the great ocean of life. 

10. And thus, finally, will our children be taught 
that they are to pursue their studies when their 
school days are passed. How preposterous is the 
language we often hear, when a girl of sixteen says 
in company that u she has finished her education." 
Education finished ! Why, what is education ? 
Does it consist of a few branches of study pursued 
for some ten or twelve years of childhood ? Nay, 
it is nothing less than calling forth every power, fac- 
ulty, and affection of the spiritual, immortal being ! 



SCHOOL EDUCATION. 63 

It is to have the mind filled with good knowledge, — 
and both vigorous and refined, — the conscience 
true to God and man, the heart replete with every 
generous feeling, and the life all directed to doing 
good. Has your son reached this high standard ? 
Is your daughter thus completely educated ? 

Let the parent never, then, by word or act, incul- 
cate the idea that education can be finished in the 
school-room. The best that can be done there is, 
as another has truly said, " to show us how to learn, 
and inspire us with a love of improvement." The 
parent should express this great principle frequently 
to his children. He should enforce it by leading 
them to read books connected with their school 
studies, and binding all their knowledge fast togeth- 
er. It is mournful to see the boy read only the 
flashy productions of the day, from the moment he 
quits his school. It is sad to find the daughter lay 
aside her Chemistry, Natural Philosophy, History, 
Ethics, — everything., in fine, solid and improving, — 
and give herself up to the miserable novel, the very 
hour she finishes her school education. Mothers, let 
it not be so with your children. Cherish in them a 
thirst for knowledge ; procure for them books both 
instructive and interesting. Induce them to keep fast 
hold of every good thing they are now learning ; and 
thus convert childhood, youth, and age into a series 
of schools. So shall they be prepared for that di- 
vine school, earthly and heavenly, of which Jesus is 
the great Teacher and Master. 



CHAPTER V. 

TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. TRAINING ESSENTIAL. 

Every father, and every mother, if conscience be 
not thrice dead, must sometimes inquire, — " What 
shall I do for these immortal beings, whose wetd or 
woe is to depend so almost entirely upon me ? ' : 
There are some, it is true, who do not go so far in 
the work of education as even to ask this question. 
They slumber and sleep over the whole subject ; 
and their offspring soon demonstrate the mournful 
truth, that " a child left to himself bringeth his par- 
ents to shame." 

But this class is comparatively small. Most par- 
ents are doing something, either good or evil, for the 
direct moral culture of their children. They have 
views on this subject, and a system, which they are 
daily carrying into practice. 

A very common system is this : to commit the 
entire education of a child to other persons. Some 
employ private teachers for the literary, and perhaps 
for the moral, instruction of their families ; and this 
is all they do for them. Others, and they are the 



TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 65 

mass, send their children to a public school. There 
they receive their chief, if not their only, direct tu- 
ition, whether of the mind or the heart. Others 
still give their children the opportunities of the Sun- 
day school ; they consign them to that, and there 
they expect them to begin, continue, and complete 
their moral and religious education. Another class, 
including not a few of the most intelligent and most 
exemplary in the community, are relying on personal 
instruction as the perfection of their duty in this mat- 
ter. They teach their children, and that perhaps 
frequently and earnestly, what they ought to do ; 
they tell them the way in which they should go, and 
that is with them the highest conception and the end 
of parental education. 

To such parents I would now point out a more ex- 
cellent way, and it is this : Do not rest in teaching 
your children the w T ay in which they should go, but, 
with the wisdom of Solomon, train them up in it. See 
that they actually do what you are constantly telling 
them they ought to do. Never regard it as sufficient 
to set forth their duty in this or that particular. Nor 
yet be content with framing rules and laying down to 
them the law. This is important in its place ; but 
it is not all you are to do. If you stop there, it is 
like going out in midsummer to your trellis, and say- 
ing to the vine, " Turn here," or " Turn there," 
and expecting that the vine will obey you. You train 
the vine, branch after branch, and then it grows as 
5 



66 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

you desire ; train, then, your child, in the way he 
should go. 

This course is required by the law of the child's 
nature. Whatever he is to become hereafter, for 
that he must be prepared now. If we desire him to 
be physically strong in his manhood, we must help 
him to gain a good bodily constitution in his childhood 
and youth. We always train the boy for the calling 
of the man ; if he is to be a mechanic, he is appren- 
ticed to that craft, and his master not only tells him how 
his trade must be learned, and shows him his work, 
but sees also that he does that work ; so is he made 
a skilful mechanic. Why, then, merely teach your 
child the way of his duty ? Why expect a youth to 
be perfect in morals, any more than in mechanics, un- 
less he perform, as well as learn, what is right ? In 
all secular pursuits, it is our maxim that u practice 
makes perfect." Is the formation of character an 
exception to this rule ? Will a child be made good 
by theory alone ? Nay, theory without practice is 
the bane of education ; to lean, as many apparently 
now do, wholly upon it, is a fatal mistake. 

We all know the importance of good habits. But 
what is habit ? It is a condition reached by the fre- 
quent repetition of some act. You cannot, then, 
teach a child good habits ; he must be trained to 
them ; that is, he must be required to do what is 
right, and to do it over and over again, until custom 
becomes with him a second nature. Let him stand 



TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 67 

perfectly still while you tell him what he ought to do, 
and you may talk the breath out of your body before 
he will have a good character. You wish your 
daughter to be industrious ; you tell her she ought 
to be, but does that make her so ? Nay, it is only 
her doing day after day the very work you set before 
her that will render her industrious. The Danes, in 
times of yore, were accustomed to have their wealth 
buried with them in their graves, that their children 
might be obliged to labor for a subsistence. Better 
were it now, that the millions of the rich man were 
sealed up in his tomb, than left to be squandered by 
sons he had never trained to habits of industry and 
toil. 

The parent often becomes the servant of his child 
from a mistaken kindness. He would save him from 
labor as a favor, and bring him up delicately and in- 
dulgently. Alas for his error ! when shall we learn 
that true kindness requires us to bring up our chil- 
dren to rely on themselves. Self-help, the habit of 
doing all we can for ourselves, rather than leaning 
upon others, is the main shaft of a good character. 
Better form your child to do this, than leave him the 
wealth of the Indies, with a feeble and indolent re- 
liance upon you. Who has not seen the melan- 
choly fate of those never educated to self-trust, when 
they left the parental roof ? Multitudes have been 
wrecked in the society of the vicious, through the 
frailty of their own principles, — a frailty which 



68 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

sprung from the false kindness of those who should 
have trained them to self-reliance, moral firmness, 
and stability of character. 

The child needs, what the man must have, estab- 
lished principles. It is far from enough to find fault 
with his errors, and leave him there. We must 
show him what is right, the broad foundations of du- 
ty ; the law of God, that must be fixed in his mind. 
And it is to be fixed there, not by instruction alone, 
but by instruction and practice. A child forms a 
clear idea of the right only by doing what is right. 
He learns more by performing one good action than 
he can from hours of teaching unaccompanied by 
effort. There is no economy of means in educa- 
tion like practice. We wear ourselves out in giv- 
ing children lectures on good conduct, when a single 
act of virtue on their part would do more for them 
than all our words. Instruction is needed, is essen- 
tial, 1}ut practice is still more so. You have, per- 
haps, a little girl, whom you would render benev- 
olent ; lead her to some poor family, and let her 
there see the misery of poverty, and then go home 
and save all she can of her own small fund, and give 
to that family. You will in this way imprint on her 
mind a lesson of charity that books, stories, descrip- 
tions, and mere personal exhortations, could never 
have imparted. The germ of a true Christian, sec- 
ond only to the love of God, is self-sacrifice. 
Whatever, therefore, you can do to encourage that 



TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 69 

spirit in your child, through his own actions, — sup- 
pose it be by receiving and thanking him for the 
least gift, or by the least voluntary denial on his part 
of his own appetites, or suppression of his selfish 
desires, — makes you his unspeakable benefactor. 

The vital difference between teaching and training 
is illustrated by the habit of truthfulness. Every 
parent inculcates the importance of truth ; but it is not 
seldom done through words alone. The little child is 
credulous ; he believes everything said by his father 
and mother. His conception of absolute truth is 
derived from this source. What an influence is 
here ! How solicitous should these parents be that 
their child never have cause to lose his confidence in 
their veracity ! How should they guard against the 
least word which may bring it into suspicion ! That 
parent who deceives his child is, in reality, his worst 
foe ; he breaks the silver cord of trust in his heart. 
You can render a little one no greater injury, none 
more fatal to all that is purest and noblest within 
him, than to add aught to the truth, or take anything 
from it, knowingly, in your intercourse with him. 
For, u if father does it," argues the child, " then it 
must be right ; if mother says what is not quite true, 
what harm can there be in it ? " 

And the great danger lies in trifling deviations 
from the truth. A gross falsehood repels a child 
by its enormity ; but a little untruth he can learn to 
pass over as innocent. Sometimes the parent teach- 



70 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

es truth, yet practises uttering these slight untruths. 
His child does the same, and it passes unreproved ; 
he is insensibly trained to do the very opposite of 
what he is taught. Dr. Johnson said, that if a child 
affirmed that he saw a thing out of one window, 
when in reality he saw it out of another, he ought to 
be punished for it. It is more, doubtless, from 
carelessness about truth in small matters, than from 
intentional lying, that there is so much falsehood in 
the world. On this account a child should be edu- 
cated to a strict regard for truth in the smallest 
things. You do not know where the slightest devia- 
tion from truth may finally lead him. 

There is a habit of exaggeration in some families, 
which is fraught with untruth. They apply the 
strongest epithet to every trivial subject. " This 
man is splendid ; that man is a wretch ; the bread is 
elegant ; the water is detestable." Every person 
and every thing is in the extreme. Repress this per- 
nicious habit in your children ; show them its fatal 
tendency as a corrupter of the truth. Do not allow 
them to go into raptures about a mere dish on the 
table, or an article of dress. Keep them to the 
truth, and keep yourself, also, to it ; there is no sub- 
ject where preaching without practice produces less 
profit than on this. Govern your lips and restrain 
your feelings, and shun exaggeration as a moral 
poison. 

" But are there not occasions," you may ask, 



TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 71 

" when a parent cannot adhere to the literal truth ? " 
I answer, that, in nearly every instance where the 
right is claimed to falsify or prevaricate to children, 
there is no need of practising deception. We may, 
and we sometimes must, decline answering their 
questions ; but to give an answer we know to be 
wrong is never required of or permitted in us. 
Better be silent, and determinately refuse any reply 
to a child's question, better do anything, than tell 
him a direct falsehood. 

A prolific source of untruth in children is fear. 
They dare not, in many cases, speak the truth, and 
expose their own misdeeds, through fear of punish- 
ment. But were it not better to remit the penalty 
of an offence, than encourage deception ? I would 
pardon almost any error in a child, were he only true 
in his confessions. Confession, I know, may be- 
come a habit, and thus make the occasions for it fre- 
quent. But no evil of this kind can counterbalance 
the terrible evils of a habit of deceit and untruth. 

Teach your children to discern the truth clearly, 
and to speak it boldly. The young easily perceive 
what is right, just, and true ; they are quick to de- 
tect falsity, and they have a natural love of the truth. 
The habit of lying is always an acquired one. Did 
parents train their children anxiously and vigilantly 
to avoid every shade of falsehood, in their speech 
and their conduct, — to follow the dictates of their 
own hearts and their own consciences, instead of do- 



72 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

ing like others, — they would continue, as in infancy, 
so in childhood, youth, and age, to love and cling to 
the simple truth. Keep the fountain pure, and the 
streams will then \je pure. 

- Our children will never be fixed in the habit of 
truthfulness until we regard it ourselves as the very 
aorta of their moral education. We must see and 
feel that it is the main artery, through which alone 
their spiritual life-blood can flow. I would that our 
Christian mothers gave this virtue the prominence 
given to it by a heathen mother in i^frica. Mr. 
Park relates that a party of Moors attacked the 
flocks of an African village, in which he was stop- 
ping, and that a youth of the place was mortally 
wounded in the affray. The natives placed him on 
horseback and led him home, while his mother pre- 
ceded the train, and spoke of the virtues of her boy ; 
and, with clasped hands and streaming eyes, she 
showed the bitterness of her grief. But the great 
quality, which she most of all praised in him, was ex- 
pressed in these touching words : — " He never, nev- 
er, never told a Zie." 

A prevalent vice of our times, one which is ev- 
idently increasing in our cities and populous towns, 
is profane speaking. Many of our boys are falling 
into this habit, and the evil is the more to be dread- 
ed from its subtle approach. No child becomes 
suddenly profane ; he begins with using strong epi- 
thets, perhaps words that sound like those used by 



TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 73 

the swearer. He goes on, step by step, until his 
mouth becomes polluted with the foulest language. 
Little children sometimes think it smart and manly 
to imitate their seniors' profanity ; but they always 
do it by degrees. How shall the parent prevent 
this pernicious practice ? 

It is well to teach children the sinfulness of pro- 
fane speaking, and warn them of the dangers of all 
language that may lead to it. But beyond that, we 
must also train them to a perfect purity of speech. 
Never permit any word of asseveration to become 
habitual with your child. " Darn " is not " damn," 
and yet it is kindred to it, and the use of the one 
may easily slide into that of the other. It does no 
good to break out continually with " Gracious ! " 
" Conscience ! " cc By George ! " nor by any one 
else. If you allow these expressions in the boy, 
the man, perhaps the youth even, may think them 
too tame, and proceed to the strong language of di- 
rect oaths. Check every propensity of this kind in 
the bud. If you smile at this practice, — and I 
have known some parents who even thought it 
sounded brave in their little son to swear, and many 
I know who laugh at their by- words as u cunning," — 
if you smile now, you may yet weep at the result of 
the habit you encourage. The only safe course lies 
in total abstinence from all language that is kindred 
to oaths, in keeping your child free from every im- 
pure word, let it be profane, or vulgar, or obscene, 
or in any wise tending to pollute his spirit. 



74 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

Children should be taught that many little acts, 
unimportant in themselves, become all-important by 
laying the foundation of a habit. Plato reproved a 
boy for his manner of play at some childish game. 
" You blame me," said the boy, " for a very little 
thing." "Custom," replied Plato, " is no little 
thing." A child is sometimes praised for cheating 
his playfellow in a sly manner ; the act seems a tri- 
fle, yet it will lead, — if you do not check it, still 
more if you commend it, — it will lead to a habit of 
deception in his whole future life. The mother is 
amused to see her little boy stone the birds, or kill 
harmless insects ; but that very smile encourages in 
her child a spirit that will terminate, perhaps, in 
deeds of tyranny and cruelty at which she would 
shudder. Girls often take pleasure in teasing a cat ; 
but they may, by this little act, acquire the ele- 
ments of an imperious and domineering disposition. 
Your son speaks to a domestic in tones which qualify 
him to become the unfeeling master, perhaps the 
willing slaveholder. It is a small thing in a boy to 
destroy his little brother's or sister's plaything ; it is 
not, however, a small thing to oppress a poor man, 
to lord it over our inferiors, and to make vassals of 
those who serve us ; and all these are the legitimate 
fruits of early cruelty to those younger and weaker 
than ourselves. 

u Of what consequence," it may be asked, " is 
it what food a child takes, or what garments you 



TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 75 

procure for him, so he is but made happy ? " None 
at all, I answer, if you leave out of sight the law of 
habit. But when you think of this law, you will not 
allow him to pass by the bread, and make his whole 
meal of cake. For soon he will destroy his appe- 
tite for simple food, and with it his health may be 
impaired, and his very life, perhaps, at last sacri- 
ficed. Besides, it is unkind to a child to bring him 
up in dainty habits. Encourage in your children 
simple tastes, a love of plain food, and of a merely 
neat dress. Do this on principle, whatever may be 
your circumstances in life ; for then, if they are here- 
after needy, they will be content with a lot for which 
you have so well prepared them. If, on the other 
hand, they are rich, they will the more enjoy their 
wealth, and the luxuries it procures for them, from 
the contrast of their abundance with the frugal habits 
of their early days. 

For the same reasons, I would encourage refined 
manners, not only in society, but in the bosom of the 
family. " Why do this among those who know each 
other so well ? " you may ask. I reply, if they are 
gentle and respectful at home, they will surely be so 
abroad. To thank others for favors, when we are 
accustomed to thank husband or wife, father and 
mother, brothers and sisters, every day, becomes easy, 
almost unavoidable. Let there be politeness at your 
own table, and your children will show it everywhere 
else. If it be assumed only on certain occasions, 



76 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

their manner will be stiff and embarrassed ; but let 
it be common every hour, and at every meeting in 
the family circle, and you will see in them at all 
times the true gentleman and the true lady. 

By politeness I do not mean artificial, still less af- 
fected, manners. It is not Chesterfield, but Paul, I 
would set up as a model in this respect. " What- 
soever things are lovely " are closely connected 
with "whatsoever things are of good report." 
Teach your children gentle manners, and you do 
much to give them kind feelings. " St. Paul," it 
was once said, " was a finished gentleman." This 
is true ; he had a benevolent heart, and a great 
knowledge of human nature, and these two things 
are the basis of genuine politeness. A child, by 
being courteous to his parents, gains an insight of 
other persons' feelings, and he also acquires the 
habit of consulting other persons' happiness. Let 
your daughter be civil to brother and sister, or let 
your son be gentle to every inmate of your family, 
and they will become so to all out of the family. 
Christian politeness will then be with them " a sec- 
ond nature." 

I know of no better illustration of the power of 
right training than its effect on a child's control of his 
apprehensions and fears. Some mothers tremble 
and betray terror at the approach of a thunder-storm ; 
so, uniformly, do their daughters. The mother 
screams at the sight of a snake or a toad ; the little 



TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 77 

child at her side echoes that scream. Is the horse 
in the carriage restive ? The mother cries out for 
fright, and each girl and boy learns soon to cry still 
louder. And who has not seen the almost mirac- 
ulous influence, on the other hand, of composure in 
danger, and the expression of reliance upon our Fa- 
ther in heaven, as it is caught from a mother's lips 
and eye ? In this age of weak nerves, it is of the 
last importance that our children be guarded, both 
by precept and example, against the fears of imag- 
ination. We should form the habit, even in the in- 
fant, of self-possession. It is hardly too much to 
recommend the course which Montaigne tells us his 
father pursued with him, from his earliest years. 
" Some," says he, " being of opinion it troubles 
and disturbs the brains of children suddenly to wake 
them in the morning, and to snatch them violently 
and over-hastily from sleep (wherein they are much 
more profoundly involved than we), he caused me 
to be waked by the sound of some musical instru- 
ment, and was never unprovided of a musician for 
that purpose." Let us spare no reasonable efforts 
to fortify the nerves of our children. Nothing is 
better for this purpose than inducing them — and 1 
would even do it by authority, if it could not be 
done otherwise — to take physical exercise in the 
open air, when neither their amusements nor their oc- 
cupation lead to it. The effect of this practice on 
their mind and character, as well as on their bodily 
health, will be seen through their whole lives. 



78 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

Closely connected with this topic is that of edu- 
cating our children in habits of industry. It is not 
enough to talk earnestly against idleness ; we must 
see that they are actually not idle. For the sake of 
health, let them never contract habits of indolence. 
A child should be taught the necessity of employing 
every part of his nature diligently and in earnest. 
u Nine tenths of the miseries and vices of manhood 
proceed," says Carlyle, " from idleness." This is 
a strong statement, but I believe it to be true. 
What more wretched than the feeling that one has 
absolutely nothing to do ? u When I rise in the 
morning," observes some old writer, "if I can think 
of anything to do, if it is but the plucking of a rose, 
I am happy." Labor should be represented to the 
young as a blessing, and constant, useful occupation 
should be shown, both by precept and example, to 
be the truest happiness. 

Idleness is a prolific parent of the vices. Noth- 
ing is more dangerous to the character of children 
than to allow them to remain unemployed. If they 
are not doing good, they will certainly do evil ; if 
their thoughts are not directed to profitable topics, 
they will roam upon all that is ensnaring and cor- 
rupt. Leave them to themselves, and you are sow- 
ing those seedsv which spring up in vanity and folly, if 
haply they do not yield a fearful harvest at the haunts 
of dissipation, intemperance, gambling, shame, and 
ruin. Teach, as far as possible, useful occupations ; 



TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 79 

but, rather than permit your son to be idle, set him 
to removing a pile of stones from one end to the 
other of your garden. Keep your daughter em- 
ployed, — always excepting a liberal allowance of 
time for recreation, — keep her busy. Better knit 
what you know must be all unravelled, better any- 
thing that is harmless, than that she form the habit 
of sitting, hour after hour, perfectly idle. I would 
have a child's conscience so educated that he should 
regard the waste of time as a sin, like dishonesty or 
untruth. To how many sins, indeed, does it inev- 
itably lead ! 

Whatever, in short, we may teach or tell our chil- 
dren about their various duties, let us not stop there. 
Instruction may succeed in forming a good charac- 
ter, but how often does it fall short of it ! We see 
the well-informed prove inefficient, and the good 
scholar make an indolent, a wayward, or a passionate 
and self-willed man. The great evil in the moral 
world is, that, while we know what is right, we fail to 
perform it. Knowledge is good, but principle, firm- 
ness of purpose, benevolence, and well-doing are im- 
measurably better. Intelligence is to be desired ; so 
also, and far beyond it in value, is virtue ; and the 
only sure link between the understanding and the heart 
and the life is that which is forged in the fires of 
early culture. Knowledge is being poured into the 
mind from a thousand fountains ; — books, conversa- 
tion, teachers, experience, all life, in one word, are 



80 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

daily adding to its stores. But character is formed 
by a single process alone. On the quiet grounds of 
the individual soul, silently and slowly, must this 
temple of God be erected. Gold, silver, and pre- 
cious stones are all that may enter into the structure. 
Blessed is that parent whose child bears the marks 
of this divine workmanship ! 

" Train up a child in the w r ay he should go." 
How wide is the scope of this precept ! It goes 
beyond all formal instructions, all set speeches 
and lectures to the young, and embraces the entire 
experience of that God-appointed institution, the 
family. We train our children, let it also be re- 
membered, by the general tone of our own conver- 
sation, by the spirit we indulge and the feelings we 
cherish, and by our air and manner ; these constitute 
the basis of parental education. What we do cas- 
ually, and without any immediate intention of influ- 
encing our children, is the great moulding power of 
our household. We may teach what we please ; 
but that alone will not decide the character of these 
little ones. It is what we do and say, nay, what we 
think and feel, in our inmost soul, that accomplishes 
the larger part of this mighty work. The state of 
our heart, our affection for God and man, or our ha- 
bitual indifference to eternal things, and our inbred 
selfishness, — these are what train our children. 
We cannot seal up this inner fountain ; its waters, 
if they do not gush forth openly, will yet ooze out, 



TEACHING INSUFFICIENT. 81 

and will fall on the minds and hearts of our offspring, 
either to blight them, like the pestilential miasma, or, 
like the dews and showers of heaven, to freshen 
them and quicken them to an unfading verdure. 

The necessity of training children, as well as 
teaching them, is inculcated constantly in the Scrip- 
tures. The command is to " bring them up in the 
nurture and admonition of the Lord." This involves 
far more than merely telling them how they ought to 
be brought up. It involves a reciprocal duty on the 
part of the child. " Children, obey your parents in 
all things," — so runs the Divine command. Obe- 
dience, then, is indispensable to a Christian educa- 
tion. Accordingly, the parent must not only frame 
rules for the government of his family, but those 
rules must be enforced. The authority vested in 
him by God is not to lie dormant, but with calmness 
and in love it must be steadily exercised. 



CHAPTER VI. 

OBEDIENCE. 

The foundation of all excellence of character 
consists in obedience. He who has never learned 
to yield to authority as authority, that is, to give up 
his own will to a higher power, and to do it quietly, 
meekly, with an unquestioning spirit, has made little 
progress as a moral and spiritual being. The basis 
of civil society consists in this principle ; without it, 
government, law, order, nay, society itself, could 
not exist a single day. We live under the laws of 
God and nature ; take away obedience to them, 
let every one do as he pleases, and resist whatever 
laws he dislikes or cannot understand, and chaos and 
confusion would fill the universe ; again would the 
earth be without form and void, and again darkness be 
on the face of the deep. There is a moral law, writ- 
ten on our inner members, and we are compelled to 
obey it. If we deny its authority, and resist its 
mandates, we cannot escape the penalty. To do 
right is obedience, and it is, therefore, to be happy ; 
to do wrong is disobedience, and it is to bring inev- 



OBEDIENCE. 83 

itably on ourselves more or less suffering. So, too, 
there is a physical law ; we can prolong our lives, 
and continue in health, only on certain conditions, — 
conditions which we have no choice in observing. 
He who persists in disobeying the authority of God, 
as expressed through the laws of the body, must 
reap the consequences of his conduct, in the form of 
sickness and death. 

Constituted as we thus are, compelled through 
our lives to submit to authority, it becomes impor- 
tant that we learn this lesson in our earliest child- 
hood. The fact should be impressed on the very 
infant, that he has no alternative but obedience ; the 
sooner he is taught this, the kinder is his discipline. 
To neglect it can proceed only from a mistaken 
fondness ; for what is it but to encourage in him a 
disposition to resistance and disobedience in general, 
— a spirit which must cause him disappointment and 
pain in all subsequent years ? If he is trained, on 
the other hand, to obey now, then will he submit 
easily and cheerfully to law in every form. He will 
respect the laws of the land, and make a good cit- 
izen and a genuine patriot. He will obey the laws 
of his physical frame, and, so far as depends on him- 
self, will possess good health and enjoy a long life. 
He will submit to the moral law, obey God and his 
conscience, advance in spiritual excellence, and be 
an honor and a blessing to his race, and an heir of 
Heaven. 



84 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

Every one must have noticed that children like to 
be commanded, provided always it be done in the 
right manner. The love of law is inherent in the 
human heart ; order, system, regularity, are agreeable 
to our nature. We are fond of subordination, and 
we yield the tribute of submission to authority with 
cheerfulness, if we have not been provoked to anger. 
" When," in the language of another, " a child is 
brought to exercise a spirit of true and loving sub- 
mission to the good law of his parents, what will you 
see, many times, but a look of childish joy, and a 
happy sweetness of manner, and a ready delight in 
authority ? " 

Now, whose is the duty of imprinting on the 
young mind this great doctrine of obedience ? It 
belongs, in part, to every teacher and every guardi- 
an of our youth. No opportunity should be lost of 
instructing, and, what is far more important, of train- 
ing, the child early to obey. But at the head of all 
teachers and guardians, in this respect, stands the 
parent. To his hands the little one is specially com- 
mitted ; his ; before all other beings, is the duty, ana 
his the responsibility, of securing the habit of uni- 
form, implicit obedience. If a daughter be allowed 
in habitual disrespect to her mother, it is vain to call 
on her teacher, or any agency whatever abroad, to 
supply the melancholy deficiency at home. Let the 
son grow up contemning the authority of his father, 
and no earthly being can implant in him the seeds of 



OBEDIENCE. 85 

a modest, unquestioning respect for any will or any 
power but his own. 

The truth of our position is sustained by the 
Scriptures. Both the Old and the New Testament 
require children to obey. But whom must they 
obey ? Their parents. " Honor thy father and thy 
mother," is the first commandment, and it is at- 
tended, by way of eminence, u with promise." 
Terrible is the retribution of filial disobedience. 
u The eye that mocketh at his father, and despis- 
eth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley 
shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it." 
Among the praises of Abraham, as expressed by 
Jehovah himself, is this : — " For I know him, that 
he will command his children after him." The 
book of Proverbs is replete with instruction to par- 
ents. "Chasten thy son while there is hope." 
" A child left to himself bringeth his mother to 
shame." " Correct thy son, and he shall give thee 
rest ; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul." 
" Train up a child in the way he should go, and when 
he is old he will not depart from it." Observe 
this word, train ; it is not said, tell him the way, 
and then leave him to take it or not, as he chooses, 
but " train " him, that is, require him to take it. 
The law of obedience was not repealed by the Gos- 
pel ; on the contrary, it was expressly confirmed by 
it. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for 
this is right." Paul, in his Epistle to the Colos- 



86 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

sians, writes thus : — " Children, obey your parents 
in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord." 
" Ye fathers, bring up your children in the nurture 
and admonition of the Lord." That is, educate 
them as the Lord God requires of you. So is it 
manifest that no parent who recognizes the authority 
of revelation can fail of exacting from his child a 
uniform obedience to his commands. 

And not only through the Scriptures, but by the 
discipline of our lives, the Great Father of mankind 
is teaching the doctrine before us. He provides for 
our wants, but in what manner ? Only in conform- 
ity with certain laws ; which laws, to secure the sup- 
ply of our wants, we must steadily obey. He gives 
us our daily bread ; yet only on condition we labor 
for it. He commands us to work, and tells us 
continually, " If any man will not work, neither 
shall he eat." What are our trials, crosses, pains, 
and griefs, but so many distinct calls to obey Him 
who appoints them ? He sends sickness on those 
who are dear to us. Perhaps the very arm on 
which the family leans for subsistence is stricken 
with disease, and made helpless. Why does God 
deal thus with us ? We know not ; but this we do 
know, one thing alone we can do, and that is, submit 
to his decree. Our loved ones waste away with 
lingering illness ; day after day, their strength fails ; 
and every hour the dread issue is drawing nigh. 
Soon — O, how soon does it seem ! — all is over ; 



OBEDIENCE. 87 

our fondest hopes concerning them are crushed, and 
the most blooming and most trusted in of all, it may 
be, is called away. The high Sovereign, in whose 
hands we lie, perhaps, repeats the sad stroke. The 
young, the old, — hearts knit with our own, loved 
faces, venerated forms, — one by one, and in how 
quick succession, he touches them, and they are 
gone. How can we bear these dark visitations ? 
What can reconcile us to this dreary lot ? One 
thought alone. It is that God commands, and 
therefore must we obey ; it is a Father's will, irre- 
sistible, and in that view awful, yet as gentle as it is 
decided, and therefore do we at last, with a meek 
resignation, yield to it in submission. 

The earthly parent must obey the mandates of 
Heaven, and he is to look up and take pattern from 
this divine model. As we are often called to sur- 
render our judgment, and bow to that of God, so 
the child must bow ; he must do and bear what his 
reason cannot yet fathom, because it is the will of a 
father or a mother. In many events which we can- 
not fathom, the Sovereign of the universe is saying 
to us, — " What I do thou knowest not now, but 
thou shalt know hereafter." So says the parent to 
his child, and this must suffice him ; in his tender 
years he must obey, — obey even where the com- 
mand seems dark to unreasonableness. He is nev- 
er to resist, except where his conscience is violated, 
and the authority of father and mother is overruled 
by the distinct and majestic voice of God. 



88 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

Obedience is required by the superiority of the 
parent. Wherever human beings are placed togeth- 
er, there must be order, and order cannot be se- 
cured without discipline, subordination, and author- 
ity. We live in a social state, in a community, and 
under a government. But no government can be 
sustained without obedience to superiors. Let ev- 
ery man make a constitution for himself, and take 
the laws into his own hand, and civil society is at 
once overthrown. Now, home is a society ; it de- 
mands some controlling power, and that power must 
be exercised. But where shall it be lodged ? God 
has decided this question. He has placed the father 
and the mother as the united head of the home so- 
ciety. And it is not only their right, but their 
bounden duty, to maintain their authority. Their 
children come to them ignorant, inexperienced, and 
helpless ; and they can receive the benefit of the 
superior knowledge and wisdom and experience of 
their parents in no possible manner except by unhes- 
itating obedience. Through infancy, childhood, and 
youth, — so long, indeed, as they remain in a state 
of pupilage, — they must look up to these two be- 
ings for the law of their lives. 

The basis, I remark next, of some of the noblest 
and some of the purest traits in the character is laid 
by the quality in question. " The consciousness of 
the superiority of others is a good feeling in youth, as 
at all ages, for it elevates the ideal standard to which 



OBEDIENCE. 89 

we aspire ; while self-confidence in youth is an over- 
weening insolence toward time and nature. If the 
feeling of the superiority of others is a delusion, it is 
a delusion which raises human nature, and is better 
than that which lowers it." You desire to see y out- 
child respectful, self-controlled, and of a teachable 
and a loving temper. You wish him to be modest, 
humble, and grateful. But you can expect in him 
no one of these dispositions, if he is habitually diso- 
bedient to you. Hophni and Phineas hearkened not 
to the voice of their father Eli, but spurned his au- 
thority. And what was the consequence ? They 
were sons of Belial, and in one day both came to a 
miserable death. Such is, in all ages, the fruit of 
filial disobedience. The child who is allowed to 
trample on or disregard the will of a parent never 
learns to control his own will. He is the victim of 
passion, turbulence, or caprice. He has no respect 
for his seniors and superiors. He thinks no one can 
teach him, and he has no steady affection, not even 
for those at his own fireside. He is moodish, fitful, 
impatient, ill-humored. How different the child 
who is trained to' a quiet, unquestioning obedience ! 
Such a one, controlled by another, learns easily to 
control himself. Respectful to father and mother, 
he is so to all others ; he is mild, teachable, and 
gentle, while he is also full of energy and activity. 
The daughter, who is deferential to her parents, is 
found to respect her teachers, to be modest, hum- 
ble, kind, and grateful. 



90 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

So powerful is the effect of obedience on the 
character, that we often see those who in childhood 
were subjected to the unreasonable commands and 
the harsh treatment of intemperate parents, and were 
forced by terror to obey, in after life become men 
of great worth, showing extraordinary power of 
self-control, and enjoying the respect and confidence 
of their fellow-men. Who can doubt that such per- 
sons often owe their character and standing to the 
habit of instant obedience acquired in early life un- 
der their severe and undesirable discipline ? This 
result is a compensation in part for the sad lot of be- 
ing trained by vicious parents. Show me a single 
instance where the higher moral qualities grow on the 
same stock with habitual disobedience to parents in 
childhood, and I will yield the point, and confess that 
men may " gather grapes of thorns, and figs of this- 
tles." 

Let it not be thought I advocate a system of 
sternness and severity, and that the course recom- 
mended would alienate a child's affections. This is 
not true ; children have by nature a sense of justice, 
and a love of order. They do not dislike authority, 
but see at once its reasonableness. Only let your 
government be steady, uniform, consistent, and you 
will find little disposition to resist it. Doubtless 
there may be a rigid, tyrannical discipline, and a re- 
lentless use of the rod, which shall repel a child 
from its parent, and make his image, through life, 



OBEDIENCE. 91 

one of terror instead of love. But is this insep- 
arable from the exercise of parental authority ? 
Shall we never lay a command, lest we forfeit a 
child's love ? Such is not the law of God. 

To say that the exercise of authority leads of ne- 
cessity to sternness, and prevents that tender and 
confiding spirit which should exist in this relation, is 
to impeach the Author of revelation. For parents 
are required by the Bible to bring their children up 
in the nurture of the Lord. This they cannot do 
without obedience on the part of their children. 
But does God require of the father and mother to 
do what cannot be done without alienating their off- 
spring, and destroying their love ? 

That the affection of the child is sometimes chilled 
by the exercise of parental authority, I admit ; but 
it is not because, from the nature of the case, it al- 
ways must be so. No, the evil lies here : we issue 
our commands with wrong motives and feelings. 
Perhaps we do it in a dictatorial temper, or with ca- 
price. Not unfrequently it is done in a tone and 
with a spirit contrary to that prescribed by the 
Apostle. " Fathers," said he, " provoke not your 
children to anger." The parent who governs his 
child in anger is quite sure to excite his anger, and 
so to impair his affection ; but, on the other hand, 
he whose authority is as calm and gentle as it is de- 
cided and firm will not quench, but increase, the 
love of his child. 



92 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

It is 3 then, a grievous error to imagine a child can- 
not be controlled without the sacrifice of his affec- 
tions. Nay, it is not authority, it is indulgence, 
which, in the long term of years, alienates and ren- 
ders children hard-hearted and unfeeling. In the 
language of one of our most experienced and suc- 
cessful teachers, — " It is among the mysteries of 
human nature, that indulgence never awakens grati- 
tude or love in the heart of a child. The child 
who is most indulged is uniformly most ungrateful, 
most selfish, most unconcerned about the happiness 
of father and mother. " Is it indeed so ? Then, 
for his own sake, no less than for his child's, the 
wise parent will shun the rock of undue indulgence. 
He will be considerate in his demands ; he will make 
few rules, and those only that are good and just ; and 
then, with a kind spirit, joined to a firm manner, he 
will see that they are invariably obeyed. " Kind, 
yet firm," — be that our rule, and we shall not lose, 
but increase, the regard and love of our children. 

" That law shall tame the fiercest, bring down the battlements 
of pride, 
Cherish the weak, control the strong, and win the fearful 
spirit." 

To govern a child thus firmly and happily is in- 
deed no easy task. It is far easier to let him do as 
he pleases, or, on the other extreme, to rule him 
with a rod of iron. But, though difficult, it is not 
impossible. No ; would the parent but begin early, 



OBEDIENCE. 93 

and use the rein, instead of the whip, for discipline, 
he would find his success morally certain. It is an 
error of many mothers to put off the period of au- 
thority till its exercise is too late for effect. The 
little one is so young they cannot bear to cross it ; 
its freaks of temper, or little acts of deception and 
evasions of authority, perhaps, create only a smile. 
" By and by," says the mother, " I shall correct 
these things." Alas, how many thus foster the ser- 
pent that afterward stings their own bosom ! The 
child is obstinate ; the mother gives way. "It is 
not time," she says to herself, " yet ; I cannot 
think so soon of breaking the dear one's will " ; — 
and so he is left to himself till the sturdy, self-willed 
boy at last, perhaps, breaks her heart. Were it not 
easier and happier far, looking at the issue, to have 
controlled this little one from his very cradle ? 

Great harm often comes from allowing our chil- 
dren to object and argue against our commands. 
Some will not give an order, lest it subject them to 
a long course of debating, and demurring, and rea- 
soning, troublesome to themselves and degrading to 
their authority. Others think we should allow and 
encourage our children to argue with us about every- 
thing we require of them. To silence their ques- 
tionings, in any instance, seems to such persons 
harsh. But if the child is to stand on a level with 
the parent, then what is his authority ? Can we rea- 
son against a law of the State, and make our argu- 



94 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

ments a good ground for its violation ? May we 
argue down a command of God ? " These com- 
mands," you may reply, " are all reasonable." So 
are those of a wise parent. But we cannot, certain- 
ly, understand every case in which we are obliged to 
submit to our Father in heaven. Many, too, must 
obey the constitution and the laws without being sat- 
isfied with them. So must the child obey its parent, 
— obey without murmuring or questioning, — simply 
because he or she is a parent. To allow him to 
substitute his own conviction for our command, is to 
break down all parental government. To listen to 
the plea, that we infringe his personal liberty, is a fa- 
tal mistake. To encourage either son or daughter 
in the idea, that obedience is mean and degrading, is 
giving countenance to a mournful error. Obedience 
degrading ! Nay, what more honorable ? What 
truer than the exhortation of the king of Israel : — 
u My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and for- 
sake not the law of thy mother ; for they shall be an 
ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about 
thy neck " ? 

A command, I repeat, is to be obeyed because it 
is a command, given by one clothed with a divine 
authority. Let the mother show her very infant that 
his will must yield to hers. As he advances in 
years, the father also should exact an unquestioning 
obedience. We look back on our childhood, and 
see, that, in a multitude of instances, what appeared 



OBEDIENCE. 95 

to us at that time the arbitrary commands of a stern, 
perhaps even of a selfish, father, were in truth the 
very opposite of this ; they were dictated by love for 
us, and a regard to our highest good. We should 
mourn now, had we not then been constrained to 
obedience. Every wise parent acts with this view 
in his mind. No change of times, no mistaken re- 
mission of authority by other parents, will induce 
him to yield his authority, and become the servant, 
instead of the master, of his child. 

If it be asked whether you are never to explain 
yourself to your child, and never allow him to argue 
in regard to your commands, I would say, surely 
you are. But when, or to what degree, you shall 
do it, must not be left to the judgment of your child, 
but depend on your own best wisdom. You may 
sometimes mistake, and defer less to his views than 
his age and capacities would render proper. If so, 
it is his misfortune ; it is not your fault, if you have 
been calm and deliberate in your command, and 
have sought to do precisely right. The difficulty 
commonly is, that children, when allowed to hesitate 
before obeying their parents, soon become imperious 
and unreasonable in their expectations, and finally 
set up their sophistry and their pride, if not the force 
of their will, in opposition to parental authority. 
Therefore is it essential, when wrong views or feel- 
ings are manifested, to end the discussion by a mild 
but firm exercise of that ultimate power which is 
vested in you alone. 



CHAPTER VII. 



CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 



But how can the parent secure uniform obedi- 
ence ? Suppose a child resists our authority, — shall 
we, after trying all other methods without success, 
resort at last to corporal punishment ? Not if there 
be any possible means of avoiding it. You may say 
you have tried everything else ; but are you sure 
this is true ? Have you exhausted all the powers of 
persuasion ? Have you been calm, persevering, 
and patient in the use of every experiment ? It 
may be asked why I put these questions. Why not 
at once allow the rod to be employed ? I answer, 
that, in point of fact, the rod is seldom so used as to 
do any permanent good. Children are not whipped, 
I presume, in one out of a hundred cases, calmly, 
without anger, and with manifest grief. It is, there- 
fore, a terrible hazard to allow yourself in the use of 
the rod. 

Then, again, the more the experiment is tried, in 
families and in schools, of dispensing entirely with 
corporal punishment, the greater is the success that 



CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 97 

attends it. Parents and teachers may find it difficult 
to lay aside the rod, where children are accustomed 
to it ; but let any one begin with relying wholly on 
moral influences, and he will seldom fail with any 
child or in any school. It is hard to govern a boy 
at twelve without the rod, if he has been governed 
up to that period by it. But take the little child, 
the infant, I would say, and require him from the 
first to yield his will to yours, and I believe you 
need never afterward resort to corporal punishment. 

Is not the use of the rod a violation of the laws 
of nature ? I know of no instance in which the 
Creator punishes a merely moral offence by physical 
retribution. If I eat to excess, my body is made 
to suffer for the sin ; but if I utter a falsehood, an 
offence which is only mental and moral, my mind, 
and not my body, is punished for that offence. 
Why, then, strike a child for a wrong done in his 
mind or heart only ? If we follow the example of 
the Supreme Parent, we shall punish such offences, 
as He does, in that part of the child's nature where 
the offence was committed. 

I do not deny, that, through the errors of the past, 
we may sometimes be compelled to practise this vio- 
lation of the Divine laws. One wrong step, in the 
beginning of a child's education, prepares the way 
for many subsequent steps, that can be justified only 
in consequence of that early error. In large schools 
the rod may be sometimes necessary ; to avoid it, 
7 



98 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

our schools must be made smaller. In the family, 
the cases are very rare, I think, in which moral 
means will not suffice to secure uniform obedience. 
Where the number to be governed is few, there is 
time for a steady personal influence over each child. 
Great as the evils of insubordination are, they seem 
to me less than the fearful consequences that flow 
from the habitual use of the rod. Not a few chil- 
dren have been maimed for life, an innumerable 
company have been morally maimed, by corporal 
punishment administered by the ignorant, the intem- 
perate, the arbitrary, and the passionate. 

It is admitted that the domestic animals can usual- 
ly be better governed by kindness than by force. 
In one community the ox is driven by the goad, in 
another the whip is found to suffice. We often see 
anecdotes of the horse resisting blows and violence, 
and yet being easily subdued by a kind voice and the 
stroke of a gentle hand. Let it not be contended 
that human nature is less easily controlled than that 
of the brutes. I have no fear that any parent will 
fail of governing his child by gentle means from the 
hour when he has a steady faith in the omnipotence 
of love , and acts in obedience to that faith. 

Many parents whip their children, to save them- 
selves trouble. No doubt it is easier to do this than 
to reason and expostulate with them. The rod is a 
summary method of correction ; you have but to 
strike a few blows, and that ends the whole matter. 



CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 99 

Tf done with excitement, it gratifies the feeling of the 
moment, and hence passion is sometimes pleased 
with the arguments for force. Time, also, is saved 
by it, and " who would spend an hour in reasoning 
with his child, when a few blows occupy but a min- 
ute ? " This is sad philosophy, and worse religion. 
All who punish with these views and feelings sin 
against the nature of childhood. Instead of calling 
forth its best propensities, they stimulate its very 
worst ones. The anger of the parent begets anger 
in his child. You cannot strike a blow in selfish- 
ness without your child perceiving it. And the mo- 
ment he sees your motive, his temper is roused, he 
is filled with bitterness toward you, and the chance 
is, you are making him revengeful for life. 

As regards the time required for moral influence, 
I would ask the parent for what time is given him, if 
not to educate his children in the best possible man- 
ner ? Better neglect your business than neglect 
them ; better they should live on a crust, and wear 
the meanest apparel, than, for the sake of furnishing 
them dainty food and costly dresses, beat them with 
a rod to save time for making money. If indolence 
be the motive, as I fear it often is, then is there still 
less excuse for clinging to this relic of barbarism. 
That parent is a monster, who, to spare himself a 
little effort, takes a course which tends to brutalize 
his children. Whatever may be said of the need of 
the rod in some cases, it can never be justified as a 
means of helping a sluggard father or mother. 



100 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

Corporal punishment might soon be suppressed, 
did parents make it their constant care to render it 
unnecessary. Begin with your child in the cradle, 
and govern him by gentle methods. Do not accus- 
tom him to being shaken or slapped every hour in 
the day. You can so train him, that violence will 
never be necessary. It is possible " to guide with 
a look, to reward with a smile, and to punish with a 
frown." You may thus keep the heart so susceptible, 
that, in after years, words will govern more effectual- 
ly than blows. And, before your children leave the 
paternal threshold, you will find nothing is needed 
with them beyond " reasonable expostulation, mild 
rebuke, tender reproof, appeals, in one word, to 
their understanding and feelings and conscience." 

To hasten forward this desirable consummation, 
we should forbear threatening. It is probably even 
worse for a child's moral nature to be accustomed to 
constant threats of the rod, than to be occasionally 
punished with it. This course either hardens his 
feelings or renders him peevish, passionate, and tim- 
id. You are to excite a fear of doing wrong, not a 
fear of punishment. The former motive strengthens 
good principles ; the latter, in its excess, always de- 
bilitates the character. Then, too, a child soon 
loses all respect for the parent who threatens without 
ever executing his threats. You may talk long and 
frequently about what you shall " certainly " do if 
an offence is repeated, but your child does not be- 



CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 101 

lieve you. He will laugh at your language, the mo- 
ment his back is turned. In vain will you hang up 
a rod in sight ; he soon learns that it is done with no 
purpose whatever of using it upon him, and it awak- 
ens ridicule instead of terror. 

Great harm is often done by punishing a child in 
presence of others. The gallows is now, in many 
cases, concealed from the public ; so should the act 
of whipping be concealed from a family of children. 
If it must be done, let it take place with the utmost 
privacy. This principle should be carried out, I 
think, in all methods of correction. If you talk se- 
verely to one child in presence of another, it always 
does harm. Most children are fond of seeing the 
faults of others exposed and corrected. But this is 
an unchristian spirit ; it often fosters pride, retaliation, 
unfriendly and selfish feelings, to witness the punish- 
ment of another. It teaches children to find fault 
with each other, and excites an arbitrary, domineer- 
ing temper in the older ones. Let your discipline 
of each child in your family be as little seen by the 
rest as possible. Praise will frequently excite the 
envy of the others, and censure will be eagerly re- 
sponded to and confirmed by them. It arouses, too, 
a spirit of self-justification, to be blamed before oth- 
ers", and thus the subject of the correction is made 
worse by it, no less than the spectators. 

Obedience must be secured, but let us see that it 
is done in the right method. Be sure a child under- 



102 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

stands your command before you rebuke him for dis- 
obedience. Small children sometimes fail to get the 
meaning of our language, and so appear to resist our 
authority when they really do not. A child is en- 
grossed in his play ; he does not hear your com- 
mand, or he is not sure you are in earnest ; he there- 
fore waits a moment, and looks in your face. Do 
not punish him until you are certain he means to dis- 
obey you. And when a little girl is angry, let not 
her mother take that moment to require some task 
that is likely to cause resistance. Let her wait, if 
possible, until the child is calm. All censures and 
chastisements should be imposed at a favorable mo- 
ment. We should do nothing unnecessarily to 
thwart, and irritate, and awaken opposition to our 
authority. 

The efficacy of parental discipline depends very 
much on the time when it is administered. The 
hour before sleep will be found favorable, in most 
cases, to admonition and reproof. Then the pas- 
sions are hushed, no temptations are nigh, the ear 
is open, and the feelings are usually tender. At the 
breakfast-table, also, the mind is calm and the heart 
impressible. This period has been recommended 
as friendly to the restoration of the erring. "If," 
says another, " one has any soft and silken ties, 
which mothers weave and sisters strengthen, and all 
the chaste associations of a parent's roof yet further 
wind around the heart, linking the cradle with the 



CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 103 

grave, — the morning is the season in which they put 
forth all their strength ; the excitement of the noon- 
day, and the riot of the night, may try them hard, 
and seem to part them ; still on the daily drama of 
life sleep timely lets fall the curtain, and all the vir- 
tues the profligate would have murdered, reviving 
with the morning sun, send a thrill through the 
breast, and instinctively whisper, — c It is not too 
late to be wise.' " Let not this hint be lost upon us, 
especially in our management of children, who, either 
from the excitableness of their temperament, or their 
natural stubbornness, are difficult to be governed. 

The control of the temper is an invaluable quality. 
But it requires great wisdom to promote it in a child. 
He should not be punished for every fretful expres- 
sion. " Soothing words, an embrace, a new and 
pleasant object of attention, will often suppress ris- 
ing irritability." Watch your child, and keep out 
of his way, as far as you can, temptations to anger. 
It is wrong to inflict a blow on the first impulse you 
feel to do it. Better spare the blow, and resort to a 
gentler discipline. You can take away a plaything, 
confine your child to a room by himself, or to the 
house in pleasant weather, or keep him from the ta- 
ble, or from the society of his companions. Do 
not, however, under any circumstances, confine him 
in a dark or lonely place, where superstitious fears 
will be awakened. Let his punishment be moderate, 
just, and salutary. 



104 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

In all cases we should strive to look with lenity at 
the misdemeanours of our children. Let us consider 
that they are children, and not men and women. 
This will lead us to excuse many things we should 
otherwise punish. They cannot see and feel, as we 
do, the importance of perfect conduct. Their youth 
renders them restless and fickle ; let us not exact 
from them the sobriety and stability of their elders. 
They do not, perhaps, comprehend the rules of pro- 
priety as we do ; why, then, punish them for every 
slight violation of those rules ? Their feelings are 
ardent and quick, and this leads them to say and 
do many things which, in our sedateness, we may 
think inexcusable. But is not this light-heartedness, 
with all the errors it occasions, preferable to -pre- 
cocity ? Childhood is the work of God, and let us 
give it free scope ; let us not make it stiff, formal, 
and dull to stupidity. 

We are apt to think children have no desire, of 
themselves, for improvement. This, I am persuad- 
ed, is unjust judgment. Most of them wish to do 
well ; they have an habitual desire to cultivate their 
minds, enlarge their affections, and obey their con- 
science. But they are easily excited by temptation, 
and therefore, in their haste, sometimes commit 
faults. Let not all these faults be set down as de- 
liberate offences. We live in an age of excitement, 
and there is much around us to aggravate the suscep- 
tibilities of childhood. Many of the present faults 



CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 105 

of children spring from this tendency. There is less 
deceit among the young than in periods when the 
rod kept down their spirits, and tempted them to 
hypocrisy. They practise less self-restraint than they 
did under the old reign of fear. But I would not 
return to that reign ; better have their faults on the 
outside of their character, as now, than disguised and 
concealed, as in past ages. We can spare the old 
Puritanic discipline of outward subordination, if we 
only secure in its stead an inward self-discipline. 
To promote that vital quality, we need, first, midst, 
and last, a steady obedience. Let us be gentle and 
calm, as well as considerate, determined, and uniform 
in exacting that obedience, and all shall issue well. 

It is said, and the testimony comes from many 
quarters, that obedience to parents is less enforced 
in this than in any other Christian country. Our 
children are allowed to use language to their natural 
guardians which would have shocked the ears of our 
fathers. In many instances the son does not obey 
the father, but so complete is the degeneracy, that 
the father actually obeys the son. And the daugh- 
ter, instead of asking her mother to do this or that, 
tells, that is, commands, her to do as she wishes. Is 
this to be the prevalent practice ? Then may we 
well tremble for the consequences. For then rev- 
erence, that prime virtue, that corner-stone of piety, 
must soon, also, be rejected and disappear. Then 
the law cannot be respected ; and religion herself will 



106 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

be disallowed and set aside when the authority of the 
parent shall cease to be recognized and obeyed. 
Alas for us, if, as some contend, such are the inev- 
itable fruits of our republican institutions ! Take 
away the sentiment of reverence, let the words of fa- 
ther and mother be unheeded, and their presence 
command no respect, then is the gold of patriarchal 
ages, and of prophets, and of the very Son of God, 
become dim, and the most fine gold is changed ! 
When the sanctuary of home is thus violated, the 
pillars of the state also totter to their fall. 

Earnestly, then, let us labor and pray that the par- 
ent may be reinstated in his rightful position. When 
the child enters our dwelling a new-born babe, he is 
not too young to be controlled ; nor, till he leaves 
our roof, and weaves the web of his own untried for- 
tunes, is he too old to reverence and obey his par- 
ents. Let us not yield to the contagion of example 
in this respect. It is not enough to plead, " My 
child minds as well as other people's children." 
Nay, that is not the true standard, — but this rather, 
" What doth the law of God require of me as a par- 
ent ? What does my office demand ? How shall 
I best do my duty to these earth-destined, heaven- 
destined, immortal beings, placed in my care ? Shall 
I take the course easiest for myself?" u Nay," 
conscience must reply, " I dare not do that ; the 
consequences of this indolent, self-indulgent course 
will be fatal, — I can now see it, — fatal both to my 
children and myself ! " 



CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. 107 

The law that requires obedience to parents is uni- 
versal, irrepealable, eternal. If we desire peace our- 
selves, if we have any true love of our offspring, let 
us listen to those many voices which have come from 
homes of want and woe, and from the walls of the 
prison : — u O, my cruelly fond parents, had you ex- 
ercised that authority which God gave you over your 
children, and had you checked my childish wayward- 
ness, and corrected in love my boyish disobedience, 
— had you subjected me to the salutary restraint of 
domestic law, — I had not thus brought you to sor- 
row and shame, nor brought myself, with a ruined 
character, to my present degraded condition ! " 



CHAPTER VIII. 



SELF-GOVERNMENT. 



The history of the prophet Samuel, especially 
that of his childhood, is replete with instruction on 
the great topic of self-government. He was received 
by his mother as a special blessing, and in that light, 
to use the strong language of Scripture, from his 
very cradle she " lent him to the Lord." She ear- 
ly, in her own heart, consecrated him, although not 
in the line of Levi, as a prophet. And, through 
the prayers she offered for him, the lessons she gave 
him, and her own beautiful example, it came to pass, 
that, while yet a child, he " ministered before the 
Lord, girded with a linen ephod." 

The case of Samuel was not a peculiar one. It 
was not by a miracle, nor yet by any natural endow- 
ments setting him apart from and above all other 
children, that he was led at this tender age to dedi- 
cate himself to God. It was done mainly by the in- 
fluence of his mother, — a mother taken from the or- 
dinary walks of life, and not favored above multitudes 
who have since sustained, and who do now sustain, 



SELF-GOVERNMENT. 109 

this sacred relation. It needs only her spirit, her 
deep piety, and her resolute purpose, to train up the 
children now on the stage to gird themselves each 
with the linen ephod. Let there be the same pa- 
rental wisdom, prayerfulness, and fidelity, and we 
should see many sons beginning, even in childhood, 
by the purity and devotedness of their lives, to min- 
ister before the Lord. 

Samuel was marked by one trait to which I would 
now direct special attention. We are told that he 
grew on and continued in his high work, and that, 
while so doing, he was waked in the night-season 
by a voice. It was the voice, as it proved, of the 
Lord. Samuel .did not close his ear, but listened 
reverently to it. It told him of the fate of Eli, the 
rejection of his house from the sacred office, and 
that he himself should be clothed with that office. 
He went forth in obedience to God, and led a life 
pervaded, elevated, and sanctified by the spirit of 
self-consecration. 

The government of his mother had been of that 
wise and gentle, yet firm character, which, while it 
secured respect for her commands, conducted him 
up to the high plane of a steady se (/"-government. 
This is the result of all judicious education. It 
does not leave a child weakly dependent on others, 
on companions, or society, or to be upheld even by 
his parents alone ; but it inspires such sentiments, 
affections, and principles, as awaken and sustain self- 



110 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

reliance and self-government. Without these, we 
can never trust a child in the world ; but with them, 
filled with a personal piety, a deep-rooted benevo- 
lence, and a calm moral independence, he is armed 
at all points. He will then overcome temptation, 
and rise higher and higher, to the very pinnacle of 
moral excellence. 

We must begin the work of education by consid- 
ering that " each man is a drama in himself ; has to 
play all the parts in it ; is to be king and rebel, suc- 
cessful and vanquished, free and slave ; and needs a 
bringing up fit for the universal creature that he is." 
His intellect should be trained, from the first, to ex- 
ercise dominion over all it can understand, and his 
moral nature to act in conjunction with it. The 
mind must govern the body, and the soul, that is, 
the religious nature, reign over both. A child can- 
not be too soon taught that his spirit must control his 
senses. Were man like the lower animals in his des- 
tiny, he would not have been placed on a planet like 
ours, " where self-indulgence starves, but compe- 
tence, independence, and a consciousness of powers 
superior to mere natural forces, are the exceeding 
great reward of exertion. " Man was made for moral 
and spiritual progress. At no period of life, there- 
fore, can we dispense with a vigorous self-control ; 
let this truth be ingrained in the little child. 

The foundation of the virtue required is laid by 
the Creator in the intense love of action and of con- 



SELF-GOVERNMENT. Ill 

struction which characterizes childhood. Every boy- 
is an architect ; he must have something to design 
and to draw ; he wants constantly to build. He will 
fashion a thousand things if you only give him mate- 
rials. He is intent upon imitating everything he sees 
made or done by others. So with the little girl ; 
her doll, and baby-house, and cc playing have com- 
pany," show the incessant activity of her mind, and 
her variety of talents. But all this energy of child- 
hood is apt to be expended upon outward things. 
It is devoted to changing the forms and uses of ma- 
terial objects. And this exercise is well ; a child 
should be encouraged to plan and to execute as many 
things as possible ; let his invention be cultivated, and 
let us teach his hands to labor with diligence. 

But I would encourage not only an cc objective," 
but a " subjective," industry. Let the genius of 
childhood be directed to the world within. Present 
that to your son as the noblest field on which he can 
labor ; induce him early to dedicate his heart to in- 
ward toil. Would mothers set before their daugh- 
ters this glorious work, we should not see multi- 
tudes, as we now do, become either the heartless 
devotees of fashion, or a prey to ennui from their 
neglect of self-discipline, and of a just appreciation 
of the high satisfactions of an independent, self-sus- 
tained character. 

As conducive to this elevation of purpose and life, 
the aim of all education should be to strengthen and 



112 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

to purify the will. A child is at first to do many- 
things because we desire and command it. But this 
is only his pupilage ; it is a preparatory process, the 
end of which must be that he will do what we now 
require of him from choice. We wish him to be 
virtuous ; but virtue is a voluntary thing. When we 
compel a child to do any particular act, we rob that 
act of its moral quality. Obedience to us may be a 
virtue, but the act itself is not one. Novalis said 
truly, that tc character is a perfectly educated will." 
Where the will has not been exercised, and made 
pure as well as strong, the child has received no true 
moral culture ; his spirit is yet feeble, his character 
undeveloped. 

The Psalmist, in describing the greatness of God, 
says of him, " Thy people shall be willing in the 
day of thy power." What power so noble as this, 
— power to mould the human will, to touch those 
secret springs that move to voluntary goodness ? 
Blessed is the parent who can wield this truly di- 
vine power. Could we but do this, our children 
would grow up in the energy and u the beauty of 
holiness." Had we the godlike power to lead them 
to choose good rather than evil, truth before false- 
hood, forgiveness rather than retaliation, and to 
make them prefer kind, disinterested acts before 
selfish ones, then, indeed, to us would be fulfilled the 
Divine promise, " Thy youth shall come forward 
like dew from the womb of the morning." God 
and goodness would then grace their whole lives. 



SELF-GOVERNMENT. 113 

A prime point in all voluntary acts is self-restraint. 
It is easy to restrain a child, so long as your eye and 
your command are upon him. It is not easy to in- 
fuse into him a principle that will keep him in the 
right path when your eye and your command are 
taken off. And yet, until you have done that, you 
have not educated the child. To educate — let us 
never forget this — is to call forth the powers and 
faculties, and that is never done fully by a merely 
passive obedience. He is a good teacher who 
maintains order while he is in the school-room ; yet 
a far better teacher is he who so trains his pupils, 
that, if he leave the room for an hour, the same or- 
der and quiet continue. Parents must leave the 
great room of moral culture often, at last for ever, 
and blessed will be their work if their children shall 
continue, as in their presence, so in their absence, 
energetic and pure, self-governed, self-restrained, 
both lovers and doers of the right. 

To accomplish this great end, we must teach these 
little ones, not merely to regulate their words and 
their overt actions, but to control their inmost de- 
sires. Let them feel that here is the fountain of 
all good and all evil in life. Not what for this or 
that reason they actually do, but what they wish to 
do, should be their daily criterion. Every one has 
impulses, more or less numerous, and more or less 
pure, toward acts of goodness, and these are to be 
cherished. But they do not constitute the main el- 
8 



114 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

ement of character. Character consists in princi- 
ples, — in what is, not like impulse, evanescent and 
uncertain, but fixed, determined, abiding. We need 
the clear head as well as the warm heart. In 
the words of Dr. Bushnell, " The head and the 
heart should be regarded as the two branches of a 
legislative assembly, and nothing should be enacted 
as a law which has not the sanction of both houses." 
But how can the desires of the heart be conformed 
to the dictates of the head ? Only by keeping them 
under our control. Let them be lawless, unre- 
strained, fitful, and they soon trample on the under- 
standing, set at naught the counsels of good judg- 
ment, take the wings of imagination, and corrupt the 
affections. 

There is no basis of happiness, but in the control 
of our desires. If we allow ourselves to look with 
an envious or a longing eye on wealth, honors, fame, 
power, pleasure, or whatever else the senses may 
present or the fancy sketch, it is idle to expect 
peace of mind. Where the parent stimulates such 
desires in his child, he is his worst enemy. The 
boy cannot be a Croesus, nor a king, — he cannot 
live for luxury or self-indulgence ; why, then, 
madden his spirit by leading him to sigh for these 
things ? Better far teach him to subdue every de- 
sire of this kind. That he can do, but gratify them 
he cannot. Why cherish in this daughter a passion 
for dress, fashion, and display ? She may never 



SELF-GOVERNMENT. 115 

have the means to indulge this spirit. And if she 
has, what a miserable ambition it were to pant for 
praise, to live on the eyes and the lips of observers, 
and to sacrifice all inward quiet, if not all single- 
hearted purity, for a bubble that will burst at the 
touch ! 

Teach your child to control his desires, for so 
only can he preserve that perfect balance of charac- 
ter in which virtue consists. u The poise of the 
mind, like that of the body," as one well observes, 
" is safest when it stands upright." That posture 
requires a perfect self-control. Give way to every 
desire, and you become heated, feverish, and desul- 
tory in your whole walk. We never advance in 
anything, whether secular or sacred, except we 
steadily desire it. The painter desires to make a 
perfect picture ; it is only so long as he keeps alive 
the first radiant ideal, and the first burning impulse, 
that he can realize it on the canvas, or make prog- 
ress toward it. And what will your child do with- 
out this same ever-burning desire for moral excel- 
lence ? Let him never feel it, and he will never 
commence the grand life-drawn portrait ; let him lose 
that desire, and allow ease, pleasure, earth, to rob 
him of self-subjection, and he will sink into you can- 
not tell what depths of irresoluteness, impurity, and 
secret, if not indeed open, guilt. 

What I say of the desires is true of the appetites, 
of temper, and the grosser occasions of temptation 



116 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

and evil. We commence our being under the close 
inspection, in all these matters, of the parental eye. 
We do not select our own diet ; we do not control 
our own appetites ; another selects and controls for 
us. An anxious mother metes out to each day its 
food and drink. But the wise mother so performs 
this office that she forms the tastes of her child, and 
soon leads him to self-regulation. That accom- 
plished, you will see him put aside, on occasions, 
the cake, and choose the plain bread. We need this 
same principle to control the passions. A child 
shows temper ; what will you do with him ? You 
can so rule and so terrify him as to destroy his tem- 
per, or, as it is termed, u break his will." But is 
that desirable ? Nay, in so doing, you pronounce 
that God implanted in this child a tendency which 
you must utterly root up. This cannot be true ; our 
Creator must have made us aright, capable of^pas- 
sion, yet able to subdue it. Washington had nat- 
urally a violent temper, and it was never eradicated ; 
without it he might have been a man of but ordinary 
force. The control of his passions fitted him to 
lead armies and councils ; ruling himself well, he 
could rule other men and the nation. Point your boy 
to him, and he will learn to curb the fire of his spirit. 
By long discipline he will come to shut his lips in 
the midst of provocation, and so to conquer the hot- 
blooded, the testy, and the vindictive, and thus final- 
ly to bring the whole world to his feet, by first con- 
quering himself. 



CHAPTER IX. 

MORAL COURAGE. SELF-SACRIFICE. 

No quality is more needed in this age and this land 
than moral courage, — courage to do right where it 
is the custom to do wrong. The greatest of mod- 
ern tyrants is public opinion. Its power is seen in 
the tendency of domestic conversation. " What 
will people say ? Will they not look at me ? 
What will they think, if I do thus or thus ? " — 
This and similar language is the staple of conversa- 
tion in very many families. And it tends to destroy 
all purity of motive, and to generate a moral coward- 
ice. We owe a certain deference, it is true, to the 
opinion of others ; it is often a safeguard to virtue, 
where higher motives would prove ineffectual. Yet 
it is a fatal error to allow it supremacy in our con- 
duct. And the dangers lie chiefly in that direction. 
We are not sensible how constantly we appeal, in 
presence of our children, if not directly for them, to 
this dread tribunal, the opinion of others. But 
where respectability ranks higher than principle, we 
shall look in vain for elevated virtue. It is mournful 



118 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

to see so many of our children trained up in subjec- 
tion to this power. What can we hope of a race 
who fear the speech of others, the ridicule even of 
the most worthless character, more than they fear 
sin ? Let us remember that without moral inde- 
pendence the character is always in peril. " Do 
right," I would say to a child, u because it is right. 
Draw your rules of conduct from conscience, and 
not from those you meet at school or elsewhere. 
Never do a thing, where right and wrong are con- 
cerned, merely because others are doing it, — not, 
though you are left alone in the course you take." 
This should be enjoined until it becomes a habit 
with the child so to conduct himself ; yes, to con- 
duct himself, not to be conducted, borne about, and 
mastered, by others. 

I have known parents who expressly taught their 
children to return evil for evil. " If you are struck, 
strike back again," says the mother, as she sends 
her child out in the morning. " Never bear an in- 
sult, but give back words, if you cannot blows," 
is the creed of the father. But who are these 
parents ? " Christians," they undoubtedly reply. 
Did Christ, then, do thus ? Was this the rule of 
his life, and this his language on the cross ? O 
parent, think, I pray you, of the end of tuition like 
this ! Look unto Jesus, inhale his spirit, and you 
will rise to a nobler ambition. " Always do what 
you are afraid to do," I have somewhere read. 



MORAL COURAGE. 119 

This I would say to my child, — " Let others re- 
turn anger for anger, but be you mild and gentle ; 
always dare to do right." When Franklin was a 
boy, he walked the streets of Philadelphia eating a 
roll ; he had the look, perhaps the laugh, of many 
upon him. But he cared for none of these things. 
That man was, through life, a moral hero, — mod- 
est, yet of a lion heart, brave, yet a man of imper- 
turbable peace. We want Franklins now ; who of 
our youth will put on the armour of righteousness 
and go forth to the battle ? 

In a world like this, we need to cultivate self-pos- 
session. A child should be taught courage amid 
danger. Does he fear the dark ? Teach him that 
God is with him, as in the light, so in the darkness ; 
and that, if he does good, he is clad in a coat of 
mail. " Did a sudden noise affright him ? lo, this 
or that hath caused it." Take heed " that ghostly 
fears be not the night companions of thy child." 
Misery, and even madness, in subsequent years, 
u have been sowed in the nights of infancy." Chil- 
dren should be accustomed to see sickness and suf- 
fering, to qualify them for future duty. The judi- 
cious mother of Lamartine, among other aids which 
went to form that noble spirit, used this. She early 
took her children to see the sick and the dying, and 
to wait round their beds. £C We saw," says he, 
u frightful scenes of poverty, suffering, and even ag- 
ony. We thus learned to feel none of that repug- 



120 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

nance which renders men in after life weak and 
helpless in cases of illness, useless to the sufferer, 
and timid at the aspect of death." What discipline 
more effective than this ? Exposed as we are to 
unimagined calamities, to bear and to witness such 
manifold sufferings, both of body and mind, duty, 
selfishness even, calls us to train our children to 
meet these events. We cannot begin too early to 
inculcate the necessity of fortitude. It is said the 
first lesson the ancient Mexicans taught their chil- 
dren was on this subject. No sooner was a child 
born, than they addressed him in these words : — 
u Child, thou art come into the world to endure ; 
suffer, and say nothing." 

The corner-stone of character — we can come to 
no other conclusion — should be inscribed with this 
single word, " self-help." Whatever we do for the 
young, it should all lead them to do for themselves. 
It is sweet to lean on a mother's breast ; yet there is 
a work to be done in this life, and to accomplish it 
we must part even from that dear breast. I saw, 
not long since, a sailor-boy depicted as mounting the 
ropes of a ship. The love of home, sportiveness, 
all gentle qualities, were written on the face, and yet 
underneath them lay a resolute spirit, that foretoken- 
ed no ordinary character. Every boy must mount 
the shrouds, and sail the great ocean, and battle for 
himself the fitful elements of life. Let him begin 
early to do it. Encourage in him, not a noisy man- 



MORAL COURAGE. 121 

ner and a fear-nothing spirit, but a deep, quiet moral 
energy. He cannot begin too soon to form his own 
opinions of right and wrong, and establish good prin- 
ciples for himself. Do not keep him always in 
leading-strings, but induce him early to walk alone. 
The sons of very rich men too often depend on 
those riches, and their life is to spend, not earn. 
The great do not transmit their greatness ; the son 
leans on the name of the father, and so becomes a 
dwarf. Our children should be taught, early and 
late, that they are to work their own passage across 
the sea of life. They should feel that, for whatever 
they hope, whether to gain or to be, they must rely 
on their own right arm. Be tender to your son, but, 
line upon line, inspire him with self-trust. "High be 
his heart, faithful his will, clear his sight, until a 
simple purpose shall be to him as strong as iron ne- 
cessity is to others." 

The education of some children proceeds, one 
must suppose, on the principle that we need do noth- 
ing in this world which we find is disagreeable, or 
which we even fear will be so. " I do not want to 
do it," from the lips of their children, is a sufficient 
excuse with many parents for their not doing what is 
requested of them. But think of the result of this 
training ! How often is every one obliged to per- 
form disagreeable duties ! We perform them, 
notwithstanding their unpleasantness, because they 
are duties. If you allow your child to omit 



122 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

everything of this kind, you strike the very word 
duty from his moral catalogue, and put pleasures in 
its place. 

And let us not do this to save ourselves trouble. 
It is hard to require of a child what he much dis- 
likes. Many parents tell us they had rather do a 
thing themselves than attempt to persuade their chil- 
dren to do it. The young in these days raise, it is 
said, so many objections, and exhibit such a reluc- 
tance to obey, that it is easier to leave them to their 
indolence, and perform what must be done ourselves, 
than to enforce obedience. Alas for us, and for 
them also, if we yield to this fatal doctrine ! Better 
task our own patience to the utmost, than, to spare 
ourselves unpleasant words or feelings, permit our 
children in this self-seeking, enervating habit. The 
question should never be, Which is the easier 
course ? but, What does parental duty require 
of me ? 

The essence of the virtue I inculcate lies in self- 
sacrifice. There is a great truth in the Catholic 
doctrine, set forth so beautifully by Fenelon, of self- 
renunciation. First of all, the little child should 
give himself up to God. Few, except those who 
begin young, come ever to say with Herbert, — 

" Lord, take thy way ; for sure thy way is best. 
Stretch or contract me, thy poor debtor ; 
This is but tuning - of my breast, 
To make the music better." 



MORAL COURAGE. 123 

This devout lesson, sooner or later, all must learn. 
When we look most earnestly to God for help, then 
we best help ourselves. Open your bosom and let 
in the divine beams, and you rise and go forth full of 
vigor, and triumphant over evil. 

Infuse even now into your child the spirit of self- 
sacrifice. The mother of Samuel made him a little 
coat, and brought it to him from year to year, as 
they came to sacrifice at the temple. Mothers, imi- 
tate this holy example. Clothe your children in robes 
consecrated to God and duty. Array these daughters 
in the divine garments of meekness, self-surrender, 
and a disinterested care and toil. A little girl, — and 
the case stands not alone, — amid burning fever, was 
patient and quiet ; it was a blessed sight, for Heaven 
shone round that pillow. But in brighter rays still 
shone the. Father in the face of another, who waited 
gently by the bed of a sick mother. She gave 
up school, amusements, almost her very food and 
sleep, and ministered — the little angel — to those 
parched lips and that wasting frame. And when at 
length the Father took that dear friend from her, 
I did not fear for her, alone though she was in this 
bleak world, for I remembered the message to each 
soul : — 

" Wert thou never taught to feel and know 
That the truest love has its roots in woe, 
Thou wouldst not e'er attain the tranquil height, 
Where wisdom purifies the sight, 



124 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

And God unfolds to th' humble gaze 
The light and beauty of his ways." 

Shrink not, then, from training your children to 
know and to try the stern tasks of self-reliance and 
self-sacrifice. 

Two courses lie before the parent. To begin 
early the work with his children, and prepare them 
at every stage for all that will follow, — to fill them 
with dependence upon God, and independence, wher- 
ever principle and duty are concerned, of man. To 
do this, he must deny himself and deny them. The 
other course is, to leave them entirely unrestrained, 
— their moral character unformed, their temper un- 
disciplined, their principles unestablished. Which 
will you choose ? No one, with the consequences 
before him, can hesitate. 

Who would leave a dear child to make up in after 
years for the errors of parental neglect ? Who, 
instead of training him with a firm and gentle 
hand now, would send him forth where " the severe 
lash of disappointment and suffering must, during 
his subsequent career, supply the omissions of his 
youth, and where he must be trained at last, through 
much enduring, to that point from which a good ed- 
ucation would have started him " ? Let us not 
leave these tender beings to so cruel a destiny ; let 
them not be compelled, after many wanderings, and 
all their mortifications and failures, to learn late what 
we should have taught them early. Do we our du- 



MORAL COURAGE. 125 

ty, and there is hope that they will, by their hearts 
and their lives, minister before the Lord ; there is 
hope, if we be but faithful, that the linen ephod will 
be put on even to-day. 



CHAPTER X. 

MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 

The influences which make or mar the character 
of man are, for the most part, of a subtile, unobtru- 
sive nature. All action originates, of course, in mo- 
tives, — that is, in a moving power. We accom- 
plish much or little, and what we accomplish is 
either good or evil, according to the force and the 
quality of the motives under which we act. This is 
true of the man, and it is equally true of " the 
child," who " is father of the man." He will be 
pure or impure, virtuous or vicious, according to the 
motives habitually influential in his conduct. He is 
born with certain capacities, faculties, and propensi- 
ties ; and the direction these will take, the predom- 
inance of one class or another among them, and the 
result upon his life, depend on the exercise of his 
free-will. Develop his will aright, and you give 
him the best possible education. And this is only 
saying, Present the right motives before him, and 
lead him to see and feel them, and you do all you 
can do to make him pure in heart, pious toward 
God, and true toward man. 



MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 127 

No vineyard is so sacred as the mind of a child. 
The vines are now just germinating, and now they 
bear tender grapes. But secret and stealthy mis- 
chief-mongers are already there. Take these away, 
" take away the foxes, the little foxes that spoil 
these vines," in their early days ; prune them with 
care ; train them to the heaven-reaching trellis ; sub- 
ject them to all generous influences, and they shall at 
last bring forth good grapes, noble clusters, fair to 
the eye, sweet to the taste, and giving life to the 
soul. 

The scale of human motives is long ; and by few 
of our parents is it carefully noted ; yet, to effect the 
great end of education, we must understand it thor- 
oughly, and we must address always the highest and 
best motives a child will regard. 

The lowest motives are those connected with ap- 
petite and sense. It has been said that " all chil- 
dren are by nature gluttons." It is quite certain that 
food and drink occupy a large part of their thoughts 
and desires. A child needs a liberal sustenance ; but 
he can be very early taught the momentous lesson, that 
he should " eat to live, and not live to eat." Many 
parents never seem aware of this truth. They teach 
their children, and unhappily too often confirm the 
doctrine by their own example, that it is what goeth 
into the mouth, not what cometh out of it, and com- 
eth from the heart, that constitutes the object and 
essence of life. The mother promises her boy a 



128 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

cake for his good behaviour ; and the daughter shall 
have candy if she do well. What is this but mak- 
ing the gratifications of appetite the highest motive 
with the child ? It is making that first which should 
be last in his mind. It is saying to him that plain 
food and a wholesome diet are an evil. Who can 
doubt that the foundation is often thus laid for the fu- 
ture inebriate, sensualist, epicure, and debauchee ? 
A habit of pampering the palate, and sacrificing the 
higher to the lower nature, may sometimes be traced 
back to this fatal parental error, commenced, per- 
haps, in the very nursery. 

Kindred to that of appetite is the development of 
hope. This leads the child to anticipate savory 
food with his utmost delight. But let not the noble 
sentiment of hope be confined to this low object. 
It should be our earliest care to raise it to things of 
a mental and spiritual character. Incite the little girl 
to hope for beautiful objects, to take pleasure in rich 
colors, to enjoy sweet sounds, to anticipate with a 
keen sense the odors of flower and field and forest. 
Take off your boy's attention from what he is to eat 
and drink, by talking with him about his lessons, his 
work, or his moral deportment. When he comes 
home from school, let not his first question be, — 
" What shall we have for dinner ? " I have known 
young persons, who, instead of saying — which I think 
is the most we should ever say about food and 
drink — that they liked this or that, would exclaim, 



MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 129 

"I love such or such an article dearly." The whole 
strength of heart and soul was expended upon some 
dish for the table ; they showed an enthusiasm in re- 
gard to it which I never saw in them where love to 
a friend, or moral excellence alone, was concerned. 
Let us guard our children against this melancholy 
condition. 

It is no romance to believe that a child can be so 
trained as to find his highest delight in things of an 
intellectual and moral nature. There is pleasure in 
the mere exercise of our inward faculties, and never 
is it more intense than in childhood. The simple 
act of thinking, feeling, willing, is then a luxury. 
Why should we not take advantage of this fact in ad- 
dressing the motives of our children ? Why have 
so much faith in appeals to what is low and gross in 
them, and so little in their purer nature ? 

I would first of all encourage hopefulness in my 
child. I would lead him to lay little plans for him- 
self, and anticipate success in their execution. In a 
world full of difficulties and dangers, like ours, noth- 
ing is more essential than a disposition to look on 
the bright side of life. There is wisdom in hope ; 
for it bears us up amid obstacles, and thus insures 
temporal prosperity. It is friendly, also, to moral 
improvement. Without hope, we never attempt a 
high character. It is a shield against temptation, 
and an anchor in trouble. Fill the soul, therefore, 
in childhood, with a hope, that the changes, crosses, 
9 



130 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

and disappointments of subsequent years shall not 
exhaust. 

And now see that this hope is bestowed on ele- 
vated objects. Let the good to which it aspires be, 
as far as possible, of an inward nature ; teach the 
child to expect much of others, and of himself. 
And though they should fail to meet his expecta- 
tions once and again, let him cherish the hope that 
they will yet do better. But though all around him 
disappoint his expectations, never suffer him to give 
up to discouragement, and to come short of his part, 
because they do of theirs. Lead him to bind to his 
heart, and carry out in his life, the noble motto, 
" Hope on, hope ever." 

Another motive much appealed to is fear. This 
sentiment is natural, and has its place, therefore, in 
all moral education. But surely not the first place. 
The child who is governed supremely by the rod, or 
by constant threats, will be depressed, timid, and 
feeble in character. Or, if his spirit be not broken, 
it is kept only at bay, covering up a latent resistance, 
cherishing an insidious deceit, if not hypocrisy. 
And, in coming years, that imprisoned spirit may 
break forth in reckless courses. In this manner was 
Lord Byron educated. His mother would at one 
time load him with passionate caresses, but the next 
treat him with the harshness of a tyrant. And be- 
hold in his subsequent character of passion and peev- 
ishness, malice, bitterness, fitfulness, and caprice, 



MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 131 

the inevitable results of early mismanagement and 
unprincipled severity. 

A strong motive with children is shame, a sensi- 
tiveness to reputation, and an apprehension of pain 
at its loss. The boy cannot wear this cap, nor the 
girl that bonnet, because some one in the school will 
point at them. This feeling in its excess is perni- 
cious ; it makes us the slaves of fashion and opinion, 
and is a root of unhappiness. Beyond question, it 
is a source of much of the " splendid misery " of 
this world. We look on the magnificence of wealth 
in our cities, and ask, perhaps, if its votaries must 
not be perfectly happy. Refinement, luxury, ease, 
a palace to reside in, and a carriage at command, 
are here ; and " can these splendid creatures," es- 
pecially these ladies, " enthroned in silk, know 
trouble or sorrow ? And are not their homes the 
abodes of peace and love and every joy ? We can- 
not penetrate the sacred mysteries of the fireside ; 
but could we read the secret history of fashionable 
life and fashionable folly, we should encounter such 
a record of broken faith, broken vows, and broken 
hearts, as would make the soul recoil in horror and 
amazement to find that all this brilliant and dazzling 
display of wealth and beauty and taste and refine- 
ment was but the fantastic and mocking mask of a 
wide-yawning domestic hell." What tortures do 
these voluntary slaves daily undergo, lest some neigh- 
bour should outshine them in the circles of fashion ! 



132 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

That child who is educated to live only for the eye 
and the speech of the gazing multitude, and to blush 
when eclipsed in her dress, deserves commisera- 
tion. 

But this sensitiveness to opinion, when affected 
with moderation, exerts a salutary influence. God, 
in implanting it so deeply in our nature, must have 
had some good purpose. If a child fail in his les- 
son, or commit a disreputable act, he should be 
ashamed. The evil lies in being ashamed of what 
is in itself right. When this passion becomes a 
supreme motive of conduct, it vitiates the character. 
It is not well to say often to a youth, u They will 
laugh at you." Better say, if it be the truth, " You 
will deserve censure if you do thus or thus." What 
we merit, not what we may or shall receive, should 
be our habitual standard of conduct. Shame too 
often oppresses the soul, and takes the life from our 
virtue. In the journal of a traveller in New Mex- 
ico, he tells us his party were overtaken in midwinter 
by a storm of snow ; and so fast did it fall, and so 
rapidly did it gain, that at night it buried these travel- 
lers over quite deeply. And there, beneath a load 
of snow, and with a difficult respiration, they slept. 
Thus does shame cover over the moral man. He 
may live and breathe still, but beneath what a load 
must he do it ! How much better to enjoy the 
bright sun of a good conscience, and the clear air of 
virtue, than to bear this oppressive burden ! 



MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 133 

Early in appearance, as a motive, is the love of 
accumulation and gain. The infant grasps his toy 
and books, before he can speak of u the rights of 
property." And doubtless he has rights ; and even 
then we should sacredly respect them. Let the lit- 
tle child say, cc This is mine, and this yours," for so 
will he learn to take care of his own. Yet beware 
lest his desire of possessions grow into avarice. I 
would encourage a child to amass, that he might use, 
and use well, what he gains. Let him never be al- 
lowed to hoard. If your daughter desires to accu- 
mulate presents, jewelry, articles of apparel, or even 
books, only to store them in her drawers, and feast 
her own eyes by an occasional review of them, or if 
sher wishes only to show them to others with boast- 
ing and pride, then beware, for there lie the seeds of 
a selfish and sordid disposition. 

Prudence and economy are always commendable ; 
they should be taught to every child, whether rich or 
poor. But every child, in whatever circumstances, 
should also be encouraged to save, not only for per- 
sonal wants and uses, but for the express object of 
being able to give of his own to others. Show the 
little child the pleasure there is in sharing whatever 
he has with others. If you allow him to lay aside 
any dainty for his palate, let a part of it be reserved 
for a brother or sister. Hold up to him the meanness 
of a greedy spirit. Do not give him large sums of 
money, that he may have to bestow on others ; but 



134 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

teach him to give away his own things, to forego, for 
example, his confectionary, for the sake of bestowing 
something on a companion. Sacrifice, self-denial, 
privation, these are the only basis of true generosity, 
and of a God-approved, as well as man-approved, 
charity. 

It is the custom of many parents to hire their 
children to work for them ; some employ the pe- 
cuniary motive until they can obtain no service of a 
child, that is disagreeable to him, except by paying 
him for it. Yet consider the effect of such training : 
it stimulates a low passion, the love of money, and 
weakens the highest and best sentiments in the child. 
It nullifies parental authority ; for the child will do 
nothing that he dislikes merely because he is com- 
manded to do it. The parent, by this course, is 
brought down to a level with any one in the street 
who asks assistance of his child. He must offer a 
compensation or he is boldly refused the assistance. 
Money, gain, — not reverence, not, either, true love, 
— becomes the all-absorbing principle with a child 
thus educated. 

It may be necessary, in extraordinary cases, to 
hire the labor of our children. There may be a 
natural indolence, that requires this stimulus at first. 
But it should be used with extreme caution ; for, 
like every other strong stimulant, it becomes more 
and more craving, until it leads, if unchecked, to fa- 
tal results. I would make my children presents ; 



MOTIVES TO EE ADDRESSED. 135 

but they should not be in the form of rewards. A 
gift does your child good ; it calls forth his affection 
for you, and awakens, or should awaken, his grati- 
tude. But to pay him wages degrades both him and 
yourself. Train your daughter to be useful at home, 
for the sake of pleasing you. The habit once 
formed, she will ask no higher reward ; she will not 
dream of being paid for every duty she performs in 
your chambers or parlour. 

There is no harm in promising a child something 
if he will correct a certain bad personal habit, not 
of a moral character, but rendering him awkward or 
disagreeable. It calls his attention to the habit, and 
impresses on his mind its evil, and the necessity of 
amending it. This is a harmless reward, while to 
hire a child to be good, to obey you, or to do his 
duty, is substituting an impure for a pure motive ; it 
is putting C£ hay, wood, and stubble " at the foun- 
dation of the character. 

Still higher in the scale of motives ranks the love 
of approbation. The young mind is exquisitely alive 
to praise and blame. If with the adult we see it 
everywhere true that this quality is a criterion of char- 
acter, and " as the fining-pot is to the silver, and as 
the furnace is to gold, so is a man to his praise," it 
is emphatically so with children. We hold in our 
hands, as parents and instructors, no instrument of 
culture so powerful, and at the same time so delicate 
in its construction and uses, as this. I apprehend 



136 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

we commit more errors on this point than any 
other. We misunderstand the motives of children, 
why they act as they do, how we may expect them 
to act, and by what means we should try to induce 
them to pure action. Hence, in our whole system 
of praise and blame, and rewards and punishments, 
we go sadly astray. 

Let one, for example, look through a day, and 
see how much oftener he censures than commends his 
child. The ninety-and-nine good deeds are passed 
by unnoticed, while the hundredth evil deed is sharp- 
ly rebuked. That must be a reprobate creature who 
does more wrong than right things. Where is the 
child, for example, who tells more falsehoods than 
truths in the day ? Where, then, is the justice of 
bestowing more blame than praise ? Only be as 
watchful for the good as you now are for the evil, 
and you will change the entire complexion of each 
passing day. How many homes made happy should 
we have by this one reform ! 

Many parents administer rewards and punishments, 
not according to the actual deserts of their children, 
but according to the mood they are themselves in at 
the moment. Are they in good humour, then every- 
thing suits them ; they are pleased, and they praise 
liberally. But are they not in good humour, does 
their business perplex them, or do their domestic af- 
fairs go wrong, or are they for any cause excited and 
irritated, then no act of their child seems right, and 



MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 137 

the harsh word and the quick blow come, as unjust 
as they are frequent. On how many occasions do 
we lose sight of the motive, in our displeasure at the 
consequences, of an act ! The daughter breaks an 
article of furniture ; the mother is exasperated. She 
does not stop to inquire whether it was done inten- 
tionally, or even carelessly;, but proceeds at once to 
punish, according to the value of the article. The 
child has a keen sense of justice, and sadly and most 
culpably is it wounded by these unmerited castiga- 
tions. Better lose the half of your household ef- 
fects than thus violate this sacred, God-implanted 
principle of justice in a youthful breast. 

I once knew a father who brought a load of wood 
from the forest to his door on a cold winter's noon. 
While he partook of his dinner, his sons, to relieve 
their parent, threw the wood from his wagon. 
They went in joyfully to tell him of their good ser- 
vice. But he, instead of commending them for 
their generous intentions, was at first silent, and then 
coldly censured them, because the wood was not 
thrown precisely in the spot he desired. Were it 
not wiser to blame according to a child's motive ? 
Does your child make you a present, receive it not 
as it may benefit you or otherwise, but in the spirit 
in which it is given. Consider always the motive, 
and if you err, let it be on the side of charity. 
Give too much, rather than too little credit ; for this 
is far better in its bearing on a child's character. 



138 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

Over and over say unto yourself, — " What did he 
mean by this and that action ? Let me give him his 
full desert." In one word, be calm, be deliberate, 
judge not in haste, still less in passion ; then will you 
judge and give credit aright. 



CHAPTER XI. 

MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. CONTINUED. 

Children are much influenced by what I may 
call the family opinion. There are certain ideas 
current in every household, and a corresponding 
standard of conduct. There is an average of prin- 
ciples ; and there is a moral tone, which does much 
to decide the characters of the children. We see 
some schools governed almost entirely by the school 
opinion. Where it embraces the prominent virtues 
of diligence, punctuality, order, &c, these qualities 
prevail. Such is its power, that it often enables the 
teacher to secure good discipline, and much strict- 
ness even, without employing corporal chastisement, 
or any undue severity. It sometimes rises so high 
as to give correct views of the whole circle of moral 
and religious duties. 

Now, why cannot parents establish a similar public 
opinion in the family ? Why may they not render 
incorrect principles, and impure actions, words, and 
even thoughts and feelings, so unpopular, that they 
shall be excluded from the conduct and conversation 



140 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

of every child in the circle ? Let elevated exam- 
ples of virtue be familiarly spoken of, and constantly 
commended. Encourage a mild, but frank and de- 
cided, rebuke of every shade of wrong-doing. Let 
the children become sincere helpers of one another 
in the great work of right thinking and right deport- 
ment. Only keep the spirit of love constantly alive, 
and father and mother, son and daughter, brother and 
sister, will become mutual teachers in one grand 
Christian school. 

A pure motive, and one we may often address, is 
love to the parent. The child who desires to please 
father and mother is kept easily in the path of virtue. 
That sweet smile is sunshine to his heart, and those 
approving tones are his daily music. Nor does ab- 
sence weaken this stimulus. Throughout the day he 
anticipates a delicious recompense for the tempta- 
tions he has resisted, and the progress he has made in 
whatever is pure and praiseworthy, when at night he 
shall meet those dear faces. And in later years, 
when toil and gain have borne us far from the loved 
abode of our early days, we rejoice to look over the 
space that parts us from those snow-crowned heads, 
and again, buoyant with our childhood's reminiscen- 
ces, guided by the star of home, 

" we come, 
Our (oils and dangers past, to seek rest, 
And love, and welcoming eyes, and gentle hearts." 

" Love is first to be instilled," in the words of 



MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 141 

Coleridge, cc and out of love obedience is to be 
educed." The value of filial obedience depends on 
its being affectionate and cheerful. If it be cold and 
reluctant, it loses half its merit. Love to man, a 
tender and sympathetic spirit, and a generous, for- 
bearing and forgiving disposition, are of transcen- 
dent importance. But how shall the fountain of these 
holy sensibilities be opened in the soul ? It is the 
mother who can do most to awaken in her child the 
social and amiable sentiments. If true to her office, 
she will repress every selfish propensity, and encour- 
age all that is disinterested and self-denying in her 
children. She will open the shutters of their hearts, 
and let in the sun of love upon them. The wise fa- 
ther will sedulously inculcate on his sons the duty of 
living out of themselves. He will represent it as 
their privilege to cause as much happiness, and that, 
too, in as pure ways as possible, among their rela- 
tives, associates, and friends. He will teach them 
to be merciful, and never forget that 

" To err is human ; to forgive, divine." 

Indeed, love in any form, and to any being, is an el- 
evating motive. It is good that a child be taught to 
love the very animals. 

" Let there be something, though a bird, which he 
May spend a little kindness on." 

Cowper was full of tenderness to the brute crea- 
tion ; his rabbits interest every lover of his writings, 



142 THE CHRISTIAN PAEENT. 

and who can doubt that many a heart, both of the 
happy and sad, has been made better by the multi- 
tudes of parrots, lap-dogs, canaries, &c, which 
have been objects of affection ? 

Nothing is unimportant which serves to take us 
away from ourselves. Whatever gives strength to 
our regard for a particular individual, or expands our 
affections toward more and more persons, should be 
nourished in children. If it is but to divide an apple 
with a schoolmate, that is the germ, it may be, of a 
love that years cannot quench. Talk to your chil- 
dren of the sick, the poor, the imprisoned, the en- 
slaved ; interest them in all that concerns the good 
of their race, — in peace and purity, temperance, 
education, humanity. An eminent divine was ac- 
customed to select some topic of this kind whenever 
he met his children at the table. This may be too 
formal ; but how often may we incidentally blend 
with the social repast or the evening hours some 
word that shall kindle a disinterested, perhaps a 
world-embracing, spirit in the young beings around 
us. Let us not lose this precious seed-time. 

Encourage in your child a desire of superiority. 
Much is said of the evils of emulation ; and, when 
excited by ranks, medals, and rewards in the 
school-room, it doubtless does harm. But there 
may be a generous emulation, a rivalry with the 
good and the pure, that is healthful and invigorating. 
"When we admire the elevated character of another, 



MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 143 

we should set forth at once to emulate that charac- 
ter. If your son read of excellence in others, it 
should fire his own spirit to go and do likewise. 
Let him not be content to look up to such emi- 
nence, but incite him to rise to it himself. Wher- 
ever he shall see or hear of any rare worth, and love 
and commend it, teach him that he has power, if he 
have but faith, to imitate, to equal, it may be to sur- 
pass it. Bind on his frontlet the noble motto, — 
" What I admire, that I will 6e." 

A high motive of conduct is the love of improve- 
ment. Every child desires knowledge ; he never 
knows enough to satisfy that desire. Why should 
not the young thirst for progress in virtue, as they 
do to learn something new ? If there is pleasure in 
solving a difficult problem, and mastering a new 
study, so is there pleasure in gaining new triumphs 
over the difficulties with which passion and appetite, 
self and sin, obstruct our course. It is no less prac- 
ticable — did we bestow equal labor on the task — 
to educate the moral than the intellectual nature. 
Teach your boy, as he advances from branch to 
branch, and rises from school to school, so also to 
advance in kindness, self-control, industry, patience, 
and every virtue. Once wake him to a love of per- 
sonal improvement, and there is no height he may 
not reach. He will seek to overcome his faults, 
and to strengthen his good affections, and confirm 
his pure habits. He will provide himself with an out- 



144 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

fit, and hasten to that captivating region where a 
treasure better than gold is accumulated, and where 
no sickness is, and no enemy can destroy, but where 
life, even eternal life, will be his sure possession. 

I now approach the culminating point of human 
motives, by introducing the virtue of conscientious- 
ness. Let this be prominent in your child's charac- 
ter, and you have much to hope for in his fututre 
course. Let there be an earnest desire to do right 
in everything, and let this desire be enlightened and 
healthful, and we have secured nearly all that educa- 
tion, morally speaking, can accomplish. 

We should never rest content with motives which 
originate in outward relations and circumstances. I 
have said that the little child leans on the judgment 
of his mother to decide for him what is right. But, 
as he grows up, he should be weaned from her in 
this respect. He must now seek his moral nutri- 
ment, and his chief spiritual sustenance, elsewhere. 
Let not the daughter be trained to depend on her 
mother at sixteen, as entirely as she did at six, to 
know what she ought to do. Her own sense of du- 
ty should before this have been so exercised as to 
point out to her what is right and what wrong. 
Where the conscience is well developed, a child 
becomes keen-sighted to evil and good. The boy 
loves truth so fervently that he shuns every form of 
deception. He is not satisfied with telling no abso- 
lute lies ; he is anxious to have his feelings, as well 



MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 145 

as his words, true. He will not, for example, hide 
a knife or a top which he has found, and then say he 
does not know who owns it ; he will take pains to 
find the owner. 

A child's conscientiousness must be so strong, that 
he will do right when alone, no less than while in 
presence of others. He should fear the rebuke of his 
own spirit more than that of his teacher or his par- 
ents. Every boy has opportunities to do good in 
secret. If you can lead him to perform such acts, 
to give things to others indirectly and unseen, or to 
defend a playmate who is spoken against in his ab- 
sence, or to help a poor man whom he will never 
see again, you strengthen his conscience, and help 
him to form a noble character. 

Some children incline to cover up their faults ; 
they are naturally secretive. Such should be taught 
the duty of confession. Let there be no false pride, 
no pretending to perfection ; but show every child 
that he has faults, like all human beings, and that he 
is bound to confess them. Inspire your daughter 
with the magnanimous disposition to do justice to 
others, and to acknowledge her own errors. This 
is a difficult lesson ; it is worth the toil of a whole 
life to learn it. Commence the task, then, with your 
child from his earliest years. 

Let not your son slight any work you give him to 
do ; and show him that the wrong of doing so is 
greater where he conceals it from you, than if you 
10 



146 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

saw it. There are a thousand cases in the day 
where a conscientious child will be faithful in secret. 
And if conscience be miseducated, there will be 
constant opportunities and temptations to practise 
deceptions which shall pass without detection.. 

I would now say that a child's conscience may be 
over-sensitive. He may study his own feelings too 
closely, and have a morbid dread of inward re- 
proach. This is the case when he thinks more 
about his own feelings than what occasions those 
feelings. If your daughter sits, hour after hour, 
brooding over the state of her mind, and fearful it 
is a wrong one, her mental condition is unhealthful. 
Let her go abroad, and do good to others, and she 
will then have a sound and an approving conscience. 

It is not enough that we act conscientiously ; we 
must also enlighten our conscience. The world is full 
of examples of error and sin that spring from the light 
within becoming darkness. Bigotry, persecution, 
and martyrdom have all sheltered themselves under 
the plea of conscience. It is not enough for a child 
to say, u I know I am right " ; he must be able to 
give a reason for this confidence. Any one can 
protest his innocence, and cry aloud against all who 
oppose him. But not every one can show good 
grounds for such protestations ; and that because so 
many are influenced by a blind obstinacy, instead of 
an intelligent and candid spirit. 

Above all, we should strive to keep a child's 



B10TIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 147 

conscience active up to his own standard of right. 
Do not let him be satisfied with merely being as 
good as most of the boys at his school. He should 
be directed to a law higher than this world would 
impose, — the law of his own breast. Because 
others play truant, that is not to excuse him in it. 
They may break their promises, but this is no apol- 
ogy for his doing so. Though every boy should 
strike back the blows of his associates, let it not 
shield yours in such guilt. Never permit your 
daughter to return anger for anger, but so educate 
her conscience that she shall be meek and forgiving, 
like Jesus. 

Such is the long scale of the moral motives to be 
addressed by the parent. What wisdom does he 
need, where, if he commence low, he must ascend 
constantly higher ! He may, he must, in some in- 
stances, "begin in the flesh" ; but alas for his child, 
if he never go beyond that ! Earnestly should he pray, 
that, with each advancing year of their intercourse, 
he may learn to touch the purest springs in his 
breast. Through lack of wisdom, the parent some- 
times fosters those very propensities he must after- 
ward repress. The subtle fox is brought in by his 
own hand among the tender grapes. He encourages 
untruth or ill temper by smiling at its first manifesta- 
tions ; he nourishes pride by excessive flattery. 
The mother cherishes a passion for finery of dress, 
which at length eats out the soul of her child, and 



148 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 



u 



vanity of vanities " is written on her every step. 
Our children are sometimes taught anger and revenge 
by being trained to beat whatever does them harm, 
perhaps an innocent chair ; and they learn cruelty 
by being allowed to torture helpless creatures. In- 
solence and tyranny are the fruit of an indulged 
rudeness to the beggar or the cripple. Envy of 
those richer than themselves, and jealousy of those 
below them, become the rank growth of parental 
conversation aimed at neighbours and rivals. Often 
does the unwary father or mother thus inflame low 
and unhallowed sentiments, and the little children are 
not suffered to come unto Christ. As we look on the 
parental relation, we see these immortal germs, 

" the buds of being, rise 
From cradle dreams, like snowdrops meek, 

While through their mind-illumined eyes 
A deathless principle doth speak ; 

Already toward a brighter sphere 

They turn, from this terrestrial spot " ; — 

and we cannot but cry from our hearts to their 
God-commissioned guardians, — 

" Fond parents ! — florists kind and dear ! 
Hinder them not." 

What skill must we have to comprehend the mo- 
tives of our children, and what conscientiousness do 
we need, to address only what is purest within them. 
In a family we find no two sons or daughters alike. 
The discipline that suits the disposition of one would 



MOTIVES TO BE ADDRESSED. 149 

be pernicious to the other. The phlegmatic require 
stimulants, — the sanguine, restraints ; the mild must 
be treated tenderly, — the obstinate, with firmness. 
This boy is sordid, and you must therefore teach 
him generosity ; that boy is liberal to excess, and 
you must keep his purse from him. One must be 
encouraged, another kept back. How difficult to 
discriminate, how hard to be just ! Rare is the ca- 
pacity of that mother who never misjudges, and is 
never unjust to her daughter ! Blessed faculty, 
when this delicate instrument, a child's mind, is be- 
fore us ! 

" To be master of the lute, and know 
How every note is touched." 

Our motives are always mingled and complex. 
To thread the mazes of a human heart is given to 
but few. Yet how essential is this gift to the par- 
ent ! Let him covet it earnestly ; let him desire, 
let him pray without ceasing for, the grace of pen- 
etration ! If he can discern clearly between the 
good and the evil, and call forth none but pure feel- 
ings, correct purposes, holy impulses, generous dis- 
positions in his child, then shall the virtue of that 
child be, not like the stream which rises in some 
parched land only to flow on for a season, and then 
be lost in the sand ; but it shall be a noble river, full 
to its banks, and rolling majestically on to the sea of 
eternity. 

To reach that blessed consummation, direct your 



150 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

child for his first and last motive in every act to the 
approbation of his God and Father. Point him to 
that Being who looks at his inmost heart, and who, 
when man misjudges us, always sees us aright, and 
knows our true deserts. Let him fear to offend 
him ; let him thirst for his favor, cc as the hart pant- 
eth for the water-brooks." So shall he learn to live, 
not with eye-service, as a man-pleaser, but in single- 
ness of heart ; and whatsoever he does will be done 
heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men. And 
then, in the day of the great vintage above, no in- 
sidious foes shall have spoiled the vines, but the fruit 
shall be abundant, and the ingathering shall give 
everlasting joy. 



CHAPTER XII. 

SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 

The character of our Saviour is presented to us 
in the New Testament in the light of an example to 
the teacher and the parent. He is represented, in 
more than one instance, as being deeply interested in 
the young. Now he calls a little child to him and 
sets him in the midst of his disciples, and holds him up 
in his arms as a pattern of humility. And now, with 
a winning affection, he takes young children that were 
brought to him to his bosom, puts his hands upon 
them, and blesses them. These little ones never 
mistake their true friends ; they knew Jesus was 
their friend, and most touchingly did they testify 
their attachment to him. For when he entered Je- 
rusalem in triumph, we find the children crying in 
the temple, " Hosanna to the son of David ! " 

Observe how different was the reception given to 
little children by our Saviour and by those who stood 
around him. The chief priests and the scribes 
were sore displeased at their hosannas. " Hearest 
thou," asked they, with contempt, " what these 



152 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

say ? " The reply of Jesus, while reproving them, 
at the same time exalts childhood. " Have ye nev- 
er heard, Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings 
thou hast perfected praise ? " And his very disci- 
ples — so little did they enter into, or even compre- 
hend, his appreciation of the young — rebuked those 
that brought children unto him. They thought it 
beneath his dignity to notice a child, or they were 
unwilling he should be delayed by such unimportant 
matters as blessing little children. How slow has the 
world been to correct this great error ! How com- 
paratively few have had that hearty sympathy with the 
young which invites their approach and secures their 
confidence ! Age after age has come short of a true 
moral and religious education of the young, because 
they took their stand with the disciples. They did 
not open their hearts, and open their arms, like Je- 
sus, and say to all who would repel them, " Suf- 
fer little children to come unto us, and forbid them 
not." 

Were I called to write on the door-post of every 
house a sentence that should embody the law of pa- 
rental instruction and discipline, it should be this : — ■ 
To teach a child well, you must have the spirit of a 
child. It is not until, laying aside our manhood 
and going back to our own early days, we enter into 
his feelings, his mind becoming for the time our 
mind, and his heart our heart, that we can gain ac- 
cess to his inner being, and truly educate, that is, 



SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 153 

call forth, the powers, sentiments, and faculties that 
are wrapped up within him. 

The principle of adaptation, based upon sympa- 
thy, was admirably exhibited in the character and 
teachings of the Apostle Paul. Whatever class he 
approached, he threw himself, for the time being, in- 
to their precise situation. He had but one purpose, 
to bring all men to Christ. Therefore it was that 
unto the Jew he became as a Jew, that he might 
gain the Jews ; and to the weak he became as weak, 
that he might gain the weak. In this high and pure 
sense he was " made all things to all men," and by 
such means did he save multitudes of souls. 

By no other method than this can we save our 
children. The parent who keeps himself apart in 
spirit from his offspring never succeeds in acquiring 
a deep and permanent influence over them. u Of 
such," said Jesus, "is the kingdom of heaven"; 
and there is but one gate whereby we can enter that 
kingdom. If we are unwilling to stoop to the child, 
and become, like him, humble, docile, unambitious, 
then can we not instruct him. We need to be con- 
verted ; we need to come down from our self-exalta- 
tion, to sit by his side, to catch his temper, to come 
into full sympathy with him. Then shall we be able 
to lead him to God and goodness. 

The error of past times has been, to make the 
widest possible separation between teacher and pu- 
pil, parent and child. Our Pilgrim ancestors thought 



154 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

it dangerous to encourage familiarity in the young. 
They imagined it would break down family author- 
ity, and destroy respect for fathers and mothers. 
Who is there in mid-life that has not experienced, or 
has not witnessed, at least, the unhappy effects of this 
error ? To how many minds has it brought a cloud 
over the memory of a departed father ! There was 
reverence, it is true, for that father ; but love never 
entered the heart. We have the grand outlines of 
the "Christian character in the picture left of him. 
There are stern principle, unbending integrity, truth- 
fulness, fidelity, and justice ; but the delicate shades 
and the softer tints of affectionate manners, pleasing 
tones, the ever-beaming countenance, that speaks of 
a childlike spirit, — these we miss. 

I once saw at St. Paul's, in London, a gathering 
of some seven thousand children from the charity 
schools. They were neatly clad ; their outward 
condition had been evidently cared for with a Chris- 
tian liberality. The officials who had charge of 
them appeared all watchful and faithful to their trust. 
But one thing was wanting. Those children all 
wore a grave, not to say a sad countenance ; their 
little hearts had never throbbed in response to a 
mother's tenderness ; they bore the marks of no 
gentle intercourse with loving superiors ; they had 
never felt a ray of genuine sympathy ; charity 
seemed to have frozen their young being by that 
very touch which ministered to their bodies and their 



SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 155 

minds. A short time since, I saw another gathering 
of thousands of children. It was in our own land, 
and in the metropolis of the most favored portion of 
that land. But how marked was the contrast ! Here 
every face beamed with happiness. Not only was 
the apparel neat and entire, but the being it covered 
was manifestly replete with joy. The parents and 
teachers and patrons of the day w T ere wreathed in 
smiles. Cheerfulness rang through the songs and 
speeches. Piety, purity, and benevolence were 
made gladsome themes on the occasion. Jesus was 
himself there ; his benignant eye sent a benediction 
over that assembly ; for there was none to rebuke, 
none to " forbid " the least of those children from 
coming up for the blessing poured forth through 
those childlike disciples. 

An eminent writer has given us the clew to parental 
education in these three w r ords, — tc Discern, follow, 
lead." That is, first catch the thought in the child's 
mind ; then go on with the same train a little way ; 
and at last give it a new, though not an opposite, di- 
rection. But we cannot catch a child's thought un- 
less, for the moment, we become children ourselves. 
If we look only for the maturity of manhood, we 
shall be sure of disappointment. If we demand of 
the little girl the judgment of a woman, then we 
lack the capacity to influence her mind. The par- 
ent, if he would touch the very springs of his child's 
life, must descend and condescend. In vain will he 



156 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

hope to call forth his best nature while he keeps him- 
self up in a higher region of thought and feeling. 
In many, perhaps most respects, on reaching man- 
hood, we should put away childish things ; but as 
teachers of the young we can do little except we still 
speak as a child, understand as a child, think and 
feel as a child. 

There is a philosophy in this influence which the 
parent should fully understand. We are all affected 
more or less in our views and conduct by sympathy 
with others. We adopt easily the opinions of those 
whom we love ; our tastes, also, influence our judg- 
ment. The likes and dislikes we entertain toward 
others induce us to shun or imitate their examples. 

But if this be true of the adult, it is preeminently 
so of children. They are governed far less by rea- 
soning, and even by principle, than they are by sym- 
pathy. Why is your little boy so easily led away to 
think and act like some boy in the streets, rather 
than like you ? Because he fancies that boy, and 
probably loves him better than he does his own fa- 
ther. We hear mothers sometimes complain, that 
their little girls adopt the notions or imitate the man- 
ners of a domestic, instead of their own. There is 
no mystery in this ; for they love that domestic. 
She takes more pains than their mother or sisters to 
interest them, by entering into their schemes and 
their feelings. 

When you truly sympathize with your children in 



SYMPATHY" WITH CHILDHOOD. 157 

all their little affairs, they connect pleasant associa- 
tions with your opinions, and hence readily embrace 
them. They love to dwell on your character, and 
insensibly copy its traits. They catch the expres- 
sion of your countenance, the tones of your voice, 
your manners and peculiarities ; they imitate what, 
if they did not love you, they would only mimic and 
ridicule. 

The father gives his son set lectures upon good 
principles and conduct ; his arguments are all sound, 
and he thinks that is sufficient, — of course the boy 
will follow his advice. But, to his surprise, his 
counsels fail of their effect. Other persuasions, and 
other arguments, are daily leading him astray. And 
from whom do they proceed ? From some person, 
probably a companion of his own age, whom he 
loves. Nay, without any direct attempt to influence 
his opinions, or intention to corrupt him, you may 
find that mere contiguity to an evil but popular com- 
panion will pollute him. Indeed, as has been said 
with truth and force, u the great prevailing principle 
of the spread of vice is moral contagion." 

It is not merely living with our children that will 
produce a sympathy with them. We may take our 
meals together, and sit by the same fireside, for 
years, and yet our hearts never come in contact with 
each other. Father and son may live on under one 
roof, and still their hopes and fears, their pleasures 
and pains, be entirely unlike. The son does not 



158 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

enter the circle of his father's plans and feelings, and 
the father does not try to enter his ; and so they sit 
side by side, and walk and ride side by side, until 
the youth parts from his home, heart-strangers ! 
How is it possible there can be the best parental in- 
fluences with this cold intercourse ? It is at best 
only command on the one part and obedience on the 
other. 

The true relation between parent and child is that 
of free communication and entire confidence. The 
mother should interest herself in the pursuits and 
pleasures of her children, and never think to stand 
apart, in her dignity, from them. The father should 
talk with them, tell them stories, join in their sports, 
and thus imbed himself in their affections. If he al- 
low himself to be so absorbed in his business as to 
neglect these things, let him not complain if they 
choose other associates than himself, and finally en- 
ter devious paths, and are lost. Many a boy has 
even been instructed well, and restrained abundantly, 
who afterward proved recreant to principle and vir- 
tue, simply because there was no love to sweeten his 
early instructions, and there were no inward ties 
which made the outward restraints appear wise and 
good. 

Few parents sympathize aright with the troubles 
of their children. We are apt to think these 
troubles are all trivial ; but I believe we err. The 
child's reason is not developed like ours ; he cannot 



SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 159 

so easily control his self-will ; the wishes of his par- 
ents seem to him, perhaps, incomprehensible ; and 
he is compelled, therefore, to put himself under the 
severest restraint to obey them. This is true of 
well-disciplined children. But what if the parent be 
weak, capricious, indolent, indulgent at one time 
and tyrannical at another ? What if he does not be- 
lieve in the troubles of his child, and therefore never 
studies or soothes them ? The young heart is then 
thrown back on itself, and left only to submit and 
suffer. These are real trials, — trials which, seen in 
manhood, would awaken our sympathy ; and why 
should they not when witnessed in a child ? 

Great power over children is gained by placing 
confidence in them. If they are distrusted, and sub- 
jected to constant suspicion and a petty blame, we 
at length render them miserable, and perhaps indif- 
ferent to all censure. Some children are naturally 
sensitive to blame, and it is both pernicious and cruel 
to goad such spirits with continual fault-finding. 
Others are made morbidly alive to censure by their 
parents. They have reason to feel that u your 
acid-sensitive and your coldly-querulous people need 
to have angels to live with them." How melan- 
choly the spectacle of those daily propagating these 
very qualities in their families ! And sadder still is 
the thought, that not a few are doing it unconscious- 
ly, — they know not what manner of spirit they 
are of. 



160 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

We put confidence in a child when we make some 
allowance for his errors and faults. Suppose we 
sometimes confess to him our own errors. It shows 
him that, when he does wrong, he has our sympa- 
thy ; we do not stand proudly apart from him, as 
if we were perfect. This leads him to open his 
heart, acknowledge his wrong deeds, and cast him- 
self on our justice and mercy. It thus gives us an 
immense influence over his character. 

It is desirable, for our own sakes, to cherish a 
sympathy with childhood. We are brought by it in- 
to the buoyant and happy temper of that period of 
life. A thousand springs of innocent pleasure are 
open to one who truly loves little children. He 
possesses the genuine " elixir of life." He keeps 
himself perpetually young, by the exhilarating influ- 
ence of youthful feelings. A house which has no 
children among its inmates becomes grave, dull, 
and gloomy. There is a sepulchral atmosphere 
about it, and the occupants grow prematurely old. 
The blankest selfishness forbids one to isolate him- 
self from childhood. 

On every account, parents should commence early 
a confidential intercourse with their children, and 
continue it up to their adult years. It is said that 
this feeling is natural to us while the child is very 
young. Custom should make it a u second nature " 
until they leave our roof. Let no stranger heart come 
in to supplant our place in their affections ; let there 



SYMPATHY WITH CHILDHOOD. 161 

be no break in the chain which binds our spirits to- 
gether. If we expect them to come toward us, and 
grow manly and womanly, we also must go toward 
them, and become childlike, and keep ourselves 
youthful. Then will the streams of all holy and sav- 
ing influences, as they course through their hearts, 
bear the hues of a beautiful parental infusion. 



11 



CHAPTER XIII. 

RECREATIONS, BOOKS, COMPANIONS, OCCUPATION. 

The parent should carry the spirit of childhood, 
joined to the wisdom of age, into the recreations he 
encourages in his children. We are apt to leave 
them, in these things, entirely to themselves. We 
provide schools for them, and we furnish them em- 
ployment. These are grave objects, worthy our at- 
tention ; but a child's sports, — they are but trifles. 
Why should we take any interest in such small af- 
fairs ? Are they indeed small affairs ? Is anything 
a trifle that affects their characters ? Nay, is that 
unimportant which concerns merely their happiness ? 
If we look at the various aspects of a child's recre- 
ations, we shall never treat them as beneath our 
notice. 

In the first place, children must have amusements. 
God has so constituted them that they cannot pos- 
sess health, buoyancy of spirits, elastic feelings, and 
a vigorous mind, without liberal recreations. A boy 
or a girl who has neither brother nor sister is usually 
sober, premature, in an undesirable condition. The 



RECREATIONS, BOOKS, ETC. 163 

fraternal sympathies are essential to a perfect devel- 
opment of our virtue, no less than to our happiness. 
If the parents, however, cherish a youthful spirit, 
and participate in the sports of their lonely child, the 
defect may be partially supplied. In every family 
circle, father and mother should be, to some extent, 
playmates with their children. " For many years," 
said a parent, as he wept over a lost child, " I was 
not only the preceptor, but the playfellow, of my 
dear son ; and many a gleeful hour have we passed 
together, either in trundling our hoops, whipping our 
tops, flying our kites, or brandishing our battle- 
doors." Were this the ordinary practice, we should 
do much to secure the young against impure recrea- 
tions, and we should throw a charm about their home 
which no length of years would efface from their 
memory. 

Nor is this all ; we should thus keep their minds 
open for our graver instructions ; we should also pre- 
pare the way for an easier parental discipline. We 
desire obedience ; and how can we so well secure it 
as by first securing a place in the heart of the child ? 
Enter into that which interests your boy, and he will 
repay you with a new love. And " love is the medi- 
ator," as another has well said, "between power 
and dependence ; that which meekens authority ; 
that which ennobles submission. Only love can 
subdue the selfish will in either doing or forbearing ; 
only this can give sweetness to command, and cheer- 



164 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

fulness to obedience." To implant yourself in the 
affection and confidence of your children, share with 
them their amusements, become yourself a child. 
It will improve your own temper and disposition, and 
give you a lasting control over theirs. 

I heard a father relate a method he had used of 
filling up a holiday of his children, which seemed to 
me both wise and well-principled. A muster was to 
be held in a neighbouring town ; they desired to at- 
tend it, and asked his permission the evening before. 
" Well," said he, u you shall have a muster to-mor- 
row." In the morning they rose early ; he had them 
dressed neatly, and took the cars with them for Bos- 
ton, and there had likenesses of himself and his five 
children taken by the Daguerreotype. "Now, chil- 
dren," said he, " is not this a good 'muster' ? Here 
we are, all mustered together on this beautiful plate." 
So, by a little personal effort and sympathy, and by 
becoming a child for that day himself, he succeeded 
in keeping them away from those sights and sounds 
which kindle in the young mind a passion for war, 
and gave them also a most delightful recreation. 

We desire the virtue of our offspring ; let us then 
strive to render their home pleasant. A chastened 
facetiousness adds an attraction to the table and the 
fireside. The humor of the father is never forgot- 
ten ; the repartee of innocent mirth throws a halo 
around the home of our early days. We may wan- 
der far from that dear roof, but the dream of it will 



RECREATIONS, BOOKS, ETC. 165 

return sweetly on our memory. cc The green field 
and the wooded lane " will come back to us, and 
" the shadow w T atched expectingly from the school- 
room window, as it shortens to the noontide hour. 
There will be family greetings, and thanksgiving 
feasts ; there will be the grasp of friendship, there 
will be the kiss of love." And not the least of 
those dear reminiscences will be the forms of both 
honored and beloved parents, of a father planning 
with us some scheme of home recreation, — author- 
ity abandoned for the hour, and a sweet compan- 
ionship in its place, — of a mother laying aside 
her serious cares, relaxing her brow, and blend- 
ing in the charmed scenes of our guileless pastime. 
On such days Jesus looked with approbation. Joys 
so pure, and connected with such blameless associa- 
tions, are a part of that great life which prepares 
both the little child and the man for His kingdom in 
whose presence is fulness of joy, and at whose right 
hand are pleasures for evermore. 

We need the spirit of childhood to aid us in form- 
ing among our youth a taste for books and correct 
habits of reading. There are kw of our native pop- 
ulation who have not the ability to read. Years up- 
on years our children are trained to this capacity in 
the schools. But how little is done in comparison 
to give a right direction to the use of this capacity ! 
We influence our children enduringly through the 
books we encourage them to read, and by the man- 



166 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

ner in which we invite or compel their perusal of 
them. The character at every age is very much 
swayed by our reading ; in childhood it is often 
moulded decisively by this power. A good book 
not only imparts a knowledge of the right, but it in- 
cites to the performance of it. The parent who se- 
lects such a book for his child, and reads it to him, 
or hears him read it, or encourages him to read it 
alone, renders him a service which no length of time 
can appreciate. 

If I desired, on the other hand, to mar the beauty 
of a child's character, by repelling him from God 
and duty, I would walk in their steps who, of old, 
in their unfortunate error, sought to force on their 
children the reading of religious books. I have 
heard of one who, before going to church, fastened 
her little children each in a chair, and put Bibles in 
their hands. One of them, it was said, soon learned 
the art of concealing a picture-book in his Bible, 
which he read of course with avidity. Milton tells 
us of certain teachers who present the young u at 
first with the most intellective abstractions of logic 
and metaphysics." As might be expected, they 
"grow," he says, "into hatred and contempt of 
learning." This result is quite as sure to follow 
from premature moral and religious reading, as from 
forcing the intellect by studies too advanced for a 
child's years. 

I would advocate the parent's directing his child's 



RECREATIONS, BOOKS, ETC. 167 

mind in the choice of books ; but that direction 
should be given in sympathy with childhood. If we 
select grave books, those which are loaded with 
moral precepts, for the young, we repress the very 
disposition we would cherish. Perhaps Dr. John- 
son went too far in his view of this subject, but there 
is wisdom in his language. cc I would let a boy," 
says he, " at first read any book, because you have 
done a great deal when you have brought him to 

have entertainment in reading Sunday," he 

continues, " was a heavy day to me when I was a 
boy. My mother confined me on that day, and 
made me read ' The Whole Duty of Man,' from a 
great part of which I could derive no instruction." 

What numbers in after days lose even the desire 
to read profitable books ! Not a few, indeed, sel- 
dom read anything more substantial than the newspa- 
per, or at most the thin periodical. There is a waste 
of the results of education in this respect, which, 
in a nation so devoted as ours is to the "Economies," 
is truly amazing. Nor is the loss of time and money 
the chief sacrifice in the case. Our people lose — 
or rather, many of them never form — the taste for 
reading at all. In a world abounding with the print- 
ed records of human thought, they are blind to the 
glorious spectacle. They are walking daily over 
mines of untold wealth, the riches of science and 
literature, the treasures of history, philosophy, po- 
etry, truth, and fiction, and yet they never penetrate 



168 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

even the surface of the soil beneath their feet. The 
voice of wisdom sounds along the ages of the past, 
and the present utters its sweet melodies around 
them, but their heart is waxed gross, and their ears 
are dull of hearing. They live and they die utterly 
neglectful of one of the dearest privileges, and one 
of the most inestimable tastes, which the Father has 
placed within our powers of acquisition. 

But, beyond question, few ever acquire a taste for 
reading late in life. If the young man does not keep 
alive his interest in books, seldom does the old man 
revive it. Let it be neglected in childhood, and it 
is not often formed anew in riper years. How many 
merchants have retired from business with a fortune, 
but become restless and miserable without city 
excitements, because they had no love of books. 
With a fondness for reading, we need never expe- 
rience ennui. We can always have company ; and 
we can choose our own society too ; you have but 
to go to your library, and in whatever mood, wheth- 
er cheerful or sad, languid or excited, you can se- 
lect a companion suited to the hour. You have 
materials for thought, subjects for conversation, 
fountains of happiness opening up around you, pure 
and perennial. 

What parent, then, will not do all he can to culti- 
vate in his children this delightful and ennobling 
taste ? As an instrument of personal improvement, 
as a means of suggesting good thoughts, imparting 



RECREATIONS, BOOKS, ETC. 169 

correct principles, and cherishing right dispositions 
and affections in the child and the man, I would urge 
every parent to incite both his sons and daughters to 
a love of reading. The books they peruse will tell 
on their characters for ever. They will be pious or 
thoughtless, benevolent or selfish, pure or impure, to 
a very great degree, according as their early guar- 
dians shall influence their reading. 

To secure the greatest benefit from this habit, the 
parent must mould his child's taste by first becoming 
a child himself. I have known those who required 
their children to read aloud to them such books as 
suited their own mature minds. They desired a 
personal gratification, or thought, perhaps, to do the 
child good by compelling him to pore over a grave 
and solid work. How unwise this course ! Turn 
back, you who would do thus, to your own child- 
hood. Did you take pleasure at that age in reading 
works on theology, moral treatises, or dry history ? 
Why, then, constrain this boy to do it now ? If you 
would do him good, let him select his own book ; that 
he will read with interest ; and though it appear child- 
ish to your sober years, yet bear the privation cheer- 
fully, for so you may help this child to form a taste 
which will go with him through life, and fill him with 
joy, and quicken him to an unfading excellence. 

Carry the same spirit into the formation for your 
children of their companionships. u There is," as 
has been well observed, " a mysterious power which 



170 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

discovers and selects friends for us in our child- 
hood." We know not the affinities by which two 
little girls incline to one another ; " sit together in 
school ; walk together after school ; tell each other 
their manifold secrets, and write long and impas- 
sioned letters to each other in the evening." But 
something may be done to guide this selection. The 
conversation of the family may turn often on its im- 
portance. Questions may be put in regard to those 
whose society a child seeks and enjoys, like these : 
— Is he a good boy ? Does he give you good ad- 
vice ? Is his language pure ? Does he set you the 
right example ? We can sometimes see a change 
in our children on adopting a new companion. Ac- 
cording as it is for the better or the worse, so should 
we comment upon it. 

The character of a child, while he is in society, 
should be " like an upright, elastic tree, which 
bends, accommodating itself a little to each wind on 
every side, but never loses its spring and self-de- 
pendent vigor." Neighbourhood has a vast inflence 
on the characters of our children. There seems to 
be a fatalism — if the Christian may ever apply that 
word to his circumstances — in the class by which a 
boy or girl happens to be surrounded. If they are 
pure, so is he or she ; if they are noisy, profane, 
vulgar, or untruthful, happy for us if our own children 
become not like them. It requires wisdom, here as 
everywhere else, to excite and to restrain, in due 



RECREATIONS, BOOKS, ETC. 171 

proportions ; but one grand rule the conscientious 
parent must firmly adopt. At the risk of offending 
the nearest relative, or most valued friend on earth, 
and however painful to himself or his child, he 
should never permit him to associate intimately with 
one who he sees and knows is, both by example and 
persuasion, infusing a daily poison into his moral life- 
blood. 

Notice the earliest biases of your children in re- 
gard to a future occupation. There are parents who 
predetermine what employment a son shall pursue. 
Perhaps he is to enter a store, study a profession, or 
acquire some trade. They come to this decision from 
their own point of view alone. Were it not wiser 
to set aside their own tastes and preferences, and 
look directly at their child ? What are his physical 
energies, what is his mental capacity, and what his 
prevailing inclination ? If he desire a pursuit that is 
honest and honorable, then why throw impediments 
in his way ? 

The only case in which a parent can safely forbid 
his child to choose an occupation for himself is that 
of his being governed in his choice by fashion, by 
companions, or by other influences, independent en- 
tirely of his personal qualifications. Taste and ca- 
pacity usually indicate a boy's destiny in regard to 
an occupation. Where they are evidently at vari- 
ance with each other, the parent must exercise his 
authority, and decide what shall be his son's pursuit. 



172 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

But close observation and judicious management will 
ordinarily bring the views of parent and child into 
harmony on this important subject. 

The moral influence of every calling in life a faith- 
ful parent will always regard. Teach your boy that 
he was not sent into this world by his Heavenly Fa- 
ther merely to make money, but that character is to 
be first, midst, and last, in every plan he shall form. 
Two things must be indelibly stamped on his mind. 
First, that no pursuit is laudable, not though it yield 
the riches of the West and East combined, which 
presents irresistible temptations either to fraud or to 
avarice. The other point is this : — Your son must 
have some regular occupation. " He who merely 
hangs as a burden on the shoulders of his fellow- 
men, who adds nothing to the common stock of 
comfort, and only spends his time in devouring it," 
is not only " a public nuisance," but an offender 
against God as well as man. The little child is a 
model of industry. Let his spirit, cherished by our- 
selves, be carried forward through every succeeding 
period ; for industry, it cannot be too often repeat- 
ed, is a moral safeguard, and a religious duty ; it is 
a source of unfailing happiness, and a prerequisite for 
that kingdom whose type and temper, in this respect, 
as in many others, are seen now in the little child. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 

In concluding the chapters upon the motive pow- 
ers to be employed in the education of the young, I 
spoke of the approbation of God as the highest and 
purest of all possible motives. This being true, 
the great aim of the parent should be to awaken in 
his child's mind a sense of the Divine presence, and 
to lead him to refer every action of his life to Him. 
Whatever other graces or virtues he may strive to 
call forth in him, they should be regarded but as 
planets in a great moral system, whose sun and cen- 
tre is personal piety. His education is to begin, 
continue, and terminate — so far as education can ev- 
er terminate — with his relations to our common God 
and Father. We may set before our children other 
and subordinate inducements, such as a desire for 
human approbation, the preparation for this life, the 
desire of property, or the love of other persons ; but 
we are never to rest in these. We must teach them 
to look into their own hearts continually, and from 
them to look up to Him who searcheth and knoweth 
every secret thing. 



174 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

The Author of our nature has indicated the pa- 
rental duty in this respect by the very constitution of 
the child. He has made the infant mind capable of 
knowing something of himself. There are instincts 
which draw the young being, almost from his cradle, 
up to the Father. He is then susceptible to impres- 
sions from all sources, but from none are they so 
deep and so strong as from this. The love called 
forth by a mother's voice expands naturally into a 
love for the Divine Parent. Every pure affection is 
a part of the rich soil in which the spiritual may be 
sown, and from the germs of this mortal existence 
there may spring up an everlasting life. When you 
speak of heavenly things, the child sits at your feet 
a willing listener ; and, as face answers to face in a 
glass, so he reflects back your devoutest word and 
your most pious emotion. 

This is true of every relation in which we may 
choose to represent the Divine Being. Do we speak 
of Him as a witness, — as one who can see our inmost 
thought and feeling ? This is at once received as 
true ; the man may doubt and question and disbe- 
lieve, but the little child at once believes. He is 
full of inquiries and speculations in regard to what 
he sees and hears around him. There are things 
which seem to him incredible ; he will ask of the 
account you give him, or of the story he reads, 
in which marvels occur in relation to men, " Is this 
true ? " But when you tell him of God, of his uni- 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 175 

versal presence, his unbounded power and knowl- 
edge, you have but to employ some simple illustra- 
tion, like that in which Jesus compares the opera- 
tions of the Divine Spirit to the wind, and you find 
him predisposed to accept it. Though he cannot 
see God, yet readily does his mind believe, and his 
heart joyfully respond to it, " Thou, God, seest 
me." 

Do we represent this omniscient Being as a moral 
Judge ? Do we say he will bring secret things to 
light, and reward the innocent and punish the guilty ? 
Every such statement meets from the child a re- 
sponse. He has an intuitive perception of justice 
in his own breast, and most readily does he confess 
that God must be more just than man, and the eyes 
of the Lord must behold the good and the evil. He 
believes not only that God is, but that he is the re- 
warder of all who do right. This truth is not with 
him a matter of argument, but of faith. How often, 
when we go about coldly to reason of God, and be- 
come cc in endless mazes lost," do we blush as we 
look on the little child, and see his steady and beau- 
tiful trust ! 

But preeminent is the disposition of the child to 
regard God as a Father. His experience of the filial 
relation qualifies him to receive the purest and best 
of beings as a Parent. Teach him his entire de- 
pendence, and begin with the simplest illustrations. 
Say to him, cc Put your finger on your wrist, and 



178 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

notice the pulse ; who causes it to beat ? You do 
not do it ) r ourself ; neither can it beat by its own 
power. Observe the constancy and regularity of 
your breath. Who sustains this marvellous play of 
the lungs ? " The child, like the philosopher, will 
answer, cc It is, it must be, an Almighty Power." 
It needs no deep metaphysics, it needs only an in- 
corrupt heart, to say, with the pious Quarles, " God 
blows the bellows ; we only touch the keys." The 
great truth discovered by Newton commends itself to 
the youngest of minds, that all nature obeys a single 
law, and that it is God in whom " we live, and 
move, and have our being." 

The paternal character of God is nowhere more 
strikingly illustrated than amid the scenes of Nature. 
At every period of our lives, 

" the air, the fruit, the flower, 
Doth own to us a high, superior charm." 

And this power is apparent at every changing season. 

" Mark the soul's radiance, in the wintry hour, 
Fling a sweet summer halo round us, warm." 
And 

" when nature dresses, 
There seems a kindly feeling in it, as though 
A spirit of goodness peeped from out the earth 
To shield decay." 

Nothing is better suited to awaken spiritual feel- 
ings than communion with the works of God. The 
smallest child can comprehend the need of sun and 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 177 

showers, of light and warmth, to call forth the ver- 
dure of spring. He can see, that, without these, man 
would toil on the earth in vain. And he can be 
made early to feel what a debt we owe to the Au- 
thor of these gifts. He has but to pass a few years 
on this planet, when the mighty truth will dawn upon 
him, that day and night, seed-time and harvest, cold 
and heat, run a never-tiring, never-failing round ; 
and he will see the finger of God so moving this 
earthly ball as to produce these grand results. 

"I shall not be contradicted," says Paley, "when 
I say that, if one train of thinking be more desirable 
than another, it is that which regards the phenomena 
of nature with a constant reference to a supreme, in- 
telligent Author. The world thenceforth becomes a 
temple, and life itself one continued act of adora- 
tion." What, then, so important as the cultivation 
of this spirit in childhood ? The man may dwell in 
the very midst of these glorious tokens of God's 
presence and goodness, and still never feel their 
power. Habit may blunt his perceptions ; sensuality 
may dim his spirit ; care and labor may engross his 
whole being. How essential, therefore, is it, to pre- 
occupy the mind in youth with this sublime subject ! 

If I regarded the happiness of my child alone, I 
would cherish in him a love of Nature. For in all 
years it affords the pure taste an exquisite pleasure 
to visit her green fields, and walk through her deep 
forests, and wander by her silvery streams. There 
12 



178 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

is no joy beyond his who looks lovingly on the 
ever-rolling heavens and the dear, old moon, with her 
starry train. Deep and substantial are his gratifica- 
tions, who delights at times to flee from the hum and 
fret of the busy world, and listen to the wood-bird 
wild, and gather the gentle flowers, and inhale the 
delicious perfumes, of each blossoming tree and 
shrub. Majestic are his thoughts, and noble his 
pleasures, who looks out with sympathy on the migh- 
ty ocean, and bathes his spirit in the music of its 
world-filling symphonies. But higher, because ho- 
lier, is his joy, who, as he luxuriates amid the riches 
of nature, feels in every scene the silent and sacred 
aspiration, u My Father made them all." 

As a moral safeguard, I would cherish in the 
young a love of Nature. When they have once 
drank in her beauty, the scenes of folly and guilt be- 
come less and less attractive to them. She inspires 
a taste for tranquil joys ; and amid her soothing in- 
fluences the boy is happy, and the youth never thirsts 
for the exciting and corrupting pleasures of the inebri- 
ate and the gamester and the debauchee. Cherish in 
your daughter a love of flowers, those apostles of 
piety and purity ; give her a little plot in the garden 
to cultivate for herself. Take your children to ride, 
now in midwinter, when the snows are preaching 
their spiritual discourses, and the ice-king celebrates 
his coronation, and now when the leaf and bud are 
bursting their cerements. Walk with them in sunny 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 179 

days, when the bee and the bird chant their rich an- 
thems, and fill their souls with the glorious hues of 
the autumn foliage, and with the rainbow-tints of its 
manifold fruits. Let the heart be thus early pre- 
occupied by the works of God, and it is thrice armed 
against the pollutions of society. The memory of 
these delicious hours will go with your children as a 
talisman amid future temptations, and to their last 
hour they will turn gratefully to those pleasant scenes 
associated with parental and fraternal forms, and with 
youthful recreations that leave no sting behind. 

We have an aid to spiritual instruction furnished 
by that love of the forms and institutions of religion 
which is so natural in childhood. Some contend 
that a child should not be taken to church before he 
can understand the sermon. To such I would say, 
that if the habit of attending church is ever to be 
formed, it can be done most easily in childhood. 
How often do we hear it said, cc I was brought up 
to go to church from a child ; the question was never 
asked whether I should go or not, and therefore I 
love to go now." We should u choose " for our 
children, as for ourselves, u what is most proper ; 
custom will render it most agreeable." As respects 
a child's not understanding the sermon, I would an- 
swer, that we go to church, or should go, to worship, 
not primarily to hear a sermon. The little child 
should be taught this, and he should be led to prac- 
tise accordingly. He can enter into the spirit of the 



180 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

prayer and of the singing, if he does not understand 
their words, and it is good to bring him into the at- 
mosphere of these sacred services. 

Besides, there are few who do not enjoy at that 
period attendance at church. The varying exercises 
of the prayer, the sacred song, and the sermon, at- 
tract and interest them. Let this disposition be sed- 
ulously encouraged. Teach your children to join in 
each portion of the services ; never allow them to go 
to church for the sake of conversation while there, 
or to read a book, or gaze listlessly around them. 
They should reverence the sanctuary, and realize — 
while there, if they do not anywhere else — that the 
eye of God is upon them. Lead them by your own 
example to prize these religious privileges. I can- 
not but think, that, did parents frequent the church 
constantly themselves, and speak of it as a privilege, 
and talk with their children about the discourse, they 
might make it the centre of a life-enduring interest ; 
and its doors would thus be thronged with regular 
and earnest worshippers, and preachers would be 
cheered and people quickened to an unaccustomed 
devoutness ; and so in the end not only the church, 
but the world, would become consecrated ground. 

The children in our age are connected almost uni- 
versally with the Sunday school. The good this 
will accomplish depends, however, very much on 
the parent. If fathers and mothers exert themselves 
to send their children constantly, and if they coop- 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 181 

erate with the teacher by frequent conversations at 
home on the exercises of the school, then this insti- 
tution will be a nursery of genuine piety. It will lay 
deep the foundations, and build high the walls, of 
these living temples of God. But the mere exist- 
ence of a Sunday school in a parish cannot save our 
youth ; it exerts no spell, it cannot coerce the chil- 
dren ; it is but a voluntary agency. 

We have the testimony of a minister at large, 
showing that the Sunday school may fail of its end. 
" I have repeatedly interrogated on this point," he 
says, " even the lads and others who have been ar- 
raigned as offenders against our laws ; and it is sel- 
dom that they have not acknowledged themselves, or 
been proved, on satisfactory evidence, to have been 
no strangers within the walls of a Sabbath school." 
What a startling fact is this ! It shows clearly that 
we cannot lean on the Sunday school, as many ap- 
parently now do, with safety, for the whole moral 
and religious education of our youth. It reveals a 
fearful amount of parental delinquency, and shows 
that home may counteract the best of other institu- 
tions for the young. 

When all it calls upon meet the demand, when 
our young men and young women are encouraged 
and induced to take classes in the school for their 
own moral benefit, as well as the children's, it does 
great good. But when fathers and mothers sacrifice 
somewhat of their own comfort and convenience, 



182 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

and come joyfully to the work of the Sunday school, 
and carry forward also the same work at the fireside, 
then it is a blessed institution ; then we cannot easily 
exaggerate its beneficent influence. 

The failures of the Sunday school may be traced 
to what I regard as a growing error in all our sys- 
tems of education. It is the evil of placing the cul- 
ture of the intellect higher than that of the affections, 
and of the moral and religious character in general. 
Milton affirms that u all wickedness is weakness " ; 
this is substantially true. It is in vain to load the 
intellect with knowledge, or to develop any of its 
powers, if you leave the spiritual nature unaffected. 
The knowledge of God is the highest knowledge ; 
and that is to be gained not so much from books as 
from religious culture and personal piety. Unless 
you add to his Sunday-school instructions a corre- 
sponding development of a child's moral and relig- 
ious principles, you do very little to secure him 
against temptation and sin. Hand in hand with his 
mental improvement should go the progress of his 
character in piety, purity, and love. He should re- 
flect as much as he reads, and learn to do right as 
he advances from stage to stage in his religious les- 
sons. 

Having spoken of the hours a child passes at 
church and in the Sunday school, the question sug- 
gests itself, How shall he occupy the remaining part 
of the Sabbath ? I would say, let Sunday be made 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 183 

a pleasant day, and combine with this influence as 
much profit as possible. This day should be marked 
by some difference from all others. Take the low- 
est view of it, regard it only as a period for rest, 
and you must distinguish it from that portion of time 
devoted to labor. The first thing to be secured is 
quiet. If there be loud conversation, noisy move- 
ments, a bustle with playthings, then the Sabbath is, 
to all good purposes, obliterated. 

The day was given to refresh and elevate the 
mind. It is not, then, sufficient to keep it by absti- 
nence from manual labor, and by bodily repose. We 
need also " a Sabbath of the soul.'''' Consequent- 
ly, children should not be permitted to read frivolous 
books. If the novel be laid aside on this day by the 
Christian adult, as it is presumed to be, why should 
the trifling story-book be given to the child ? Keep 
in mind that Sunday is for the spirit as well as the 
body, and you can easily decide how a child ought 
to spend it. What he does outwardly is not the 
whole, nor the best part, of his observance of the 
day. A walk at sunset, amid the fair works of God, 
or a visit to a sick or a poor neighbour, will often do 
a child as much spiritual good as the sanctuary or the 
Sunday-school hours. Let the day be filled up with 
a variety of employments ; it matters little what the 
particular act is, so it be quiet, and tend to purify the 
heart, lifting it toward the Father, and enlarging its 
love to man. 



184 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

Some of us have happy reminiscences of an hour 
spent each Sunday, while we were children, in re- 
peating hymns together in the family circle. We re- 
member the venerated form of a father, as he direct- 
ed the exercise, and the dear face and pleasant tones 
of a prompter mother. There, also, sat brothers 
and sisters, some of whom are now parted by seas 
or lands from that early home, and some have gone 
up to that long home where we hope to meet again 
and reunite our voices in sacred exercises. Let us 
prepare our own children to join in that heavenly 
service. We shall thus add a new and unfading as- 
sociation, one as pure as it is sweet, to the memories 
of home. 

For many reasons, children should be encouraged 
to store their minds well with sacred poetry. They 
will find, as we often have, that a verse of some 
hymn, learned in childhood, will come up occasion- 
ally to fill a vacant moment, to soothe us in the 
night-season to sleep, or to arm us in the morning 
for the work we are to do. These treasures are 
dwelt upon in moments of suffering, gloom, and anx- 
iety. They recur to us in bereavement and afflic- 
tion ; they lead us to penitence and peace ; they 
arouse the spirit to fortitude ; they often renew, and 
sometimes create, a beautiful trust in Providence. 
The hymn they learned at home will be a talisman 
to our children, — it may be their spiritual men- 
tor through life. Let us not leave it to the 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 185 

Sunday school alone, nor to any one beyond our 
own fireside, to provide for them this precious pos- 
session. 

We are led naturally to say here, that nothing 
can supersede the demand for daily personal relig- 
ious instruction on the part of the parent. The 
idea of God should be blended with every event 
in the life of a child. It is not by set lectures or 
forced conversations, but by casual remarks, that the 
most permanent impressions are made on the mind. 
The conscience of the child is always active, and, 
did the parent watch its operations, a single word 
might often turn the current toward God and the 
right. Has your son done wrong, at the quiet hour 
of his retiring to rest, speak of it as displeasing to his 
Father in heaven. Then conscience is tender, and 
your admonition will sink into the springs of his 
being and action. Accustom him to blend the 
thoughts of heaven and immortality with pleasant 
scenes. Whenever he is happy, introduce allusions 
to our Heavenly Father, — trace his every experi- 
ence up to that kind Being. Do not reserve all ref- 
erence to religion to times of sorrow, bereavement, 
and grief, but connect it with gladsome events. It 
will then present itself naturally in the hour of trouble. 
That Divine face will be familiar, and that spirit- 
voice will soothe and sustain amid the deep waters, 
and the feeble one shall not sink, but rise and re- 
ceive a new spiritual vigor. 



CHAPTER XV. 

RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 

I am prompted in this place to speak of the sub- 
ject of death. This event is invested by most 
Christians with gloom and terror. It is represented 
in an entirely different aspect from that given to it 
by our Saviour. We profess to believe that the de- 
parted good are still alive, and are in a happier and 
better world. Yet we clothe ourselves in black, and 
shun the room where they died ; we speak of them 
with compassion, as if a calamity had befallen them ; 
and we utter heart-rending sobs, and suffer our tears 
to flow without restraint. 

But if a departed friend has merely passed on, 
gone to the spirit-land a little before us, why should 
we speak and appear and feel as though the separa- 
tion was eternal ? Our children receive only the 
darkest impressions of death from our deportment. 
Can we not do something to change this melancholy 
condition of the Christian world ? Shall we not ex- 
ert ourselves to present more elevated and spiritual 
views of the dead to the young ? 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 187 

Let the parent revolve frequently in bis mind 
these great truths. Death is not the extinction of 
our being ; it is only one among several changes 
through which we pass. All must die ; why, then, 
should we not treat this event as a natural one, and 
speak of it familiarly ? If we are virtuous and de- 
vout, death will be to us a blessed change. To go 
to our Father in heaven, to see and dwell with Je- 
sus, to meet the best men who have ever lived, to 
be reunited to our lost relatives and friends, — what 
is it but a privilege ? It will, indeed, give us grief to 
part from the dear ones we leave behind ; but how 
short will be our separation ! We cannot but weep 
over the dead, but it should be only with modera- 
tion, as for a brief absence on a journey. 

There are but two things which can account for 
the terrors we now feel at the thought of death. 
The first is, a sense of unfitness for the exchange of 
worlds ; " the sting of death," so far as this view 
is concerned, u is sin." But a comparatively small 
share of our gloom comes from that source. Most 
of us do not dread so much to be dead as to die. 
This dread is, to a great extent, unnatural, and pro- 
duced by circumstances within our control. 

The second cause of our terror is an injudicious 
education. Why do so many pious people, who 
have a firm trust in God, fear to die ? It may be 
partly constitutional, but it is far more the result of 
early associations. Darkness and gloom, and a mys- 



188 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

terious terror, were written on the faces of their par- 
ents and teachers at the mention of death. Hence 
they now strive in vain to array it with cheerfulness. 
Reason and religion are too feehle to do this ; and 
their only resource is to drive the subject from their 
thoughts as far as possible. They are unwilling to 
speak of the death of a relative, still more of their 
own dissolution. They cannot, perhaps, bring them- 
selves to adjust their affairs by making a will. They 
feel an invincible repugnance at considering anything 
even remotely connected with this banished topic. 

Let us earnestly hope that our children are not to 
be trained up in this servile fear of death. Its ten- 
dency is to prevent all meditation on a future state, 
to throw a shade over every path of life, to enfeeble 
the mind, and to depress the whole character. That 
a child might be so educated as to escape these 
mournful evils is evident. Miss Hamilton gives us 
two examples, in her work on education, which show 
that this is practicable. 

The first is that of a noble lady, who received in 
infancy an impression of terror at death ; and this 
impression was aggravated by injudicious language in 
the nursery, until this event became associated with 
all the images of horror which her imagination could 
conceive. This effect was never afterward re- 
moved, although she possessed a strong mind, and 
had received a superior education. 

" Exemplary in the performance of every relig- 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 189 

ious and social duty, full of faith and good works," 
yet " she never dared to dart a glance of hope be- 
yond the tomb. And when sickness brought the 
subject to her view, her whole soul was involved in 
a tumult of horror and dismay. It became the busi- 
ness of her family and friends to devise methods of 
concealing from her " the least " real danger. Ev- 
ery face was then dressed in forced smiles, and every 
tongue employed in the repetition of flattering false- 
hoods. To mention the death of any person in her 
presence became a sort of petit treason in her fam- 
ily. She might, indeed, be said 

' To die a thousand deaths in fearing one.' 

And she had often suffered much more from the ap- 
prehension, than she could have suffered from the 
most agonizing torture that ever attended the hour of 
dissolution." 

Let us now look at a case of an opposite charac- 
ter. A lady, whose cheerfulness and composure, on 
the threatened approach of death, was spoken of in 
her presence with admiration, remarked thus : — 
lc The fortitude you so highly applaud, I indeed ac- 
knowledge as the first and greatest of blessings ; for 
to it I owe the enjoyment of all the mercies which a 
good Providence has graciously mingled in the cup 
of suffering. But I take no merit to myself on its 
account. It is not, as you suppose, the magnan- 
imous effort of reason ; and however it may be sup- 



190 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

ported by that religious principle which inspires hope 
and teaches resignation, while I see those who are 
my superiors in every Christian grace and virtue ap- 
palled by the terrors of death, I cannot attribute my 
superior fortitude to religion alone. For that forti- 
tude I am, under God, chiefly indebted to the judi- 
cious friend of my infancy, who made the idea of 
death not only familiar, but pleasant, to my imagina- 
tion. The sudden death of an elderly lady, to whom 
I was much attached, gave her an opportunity, be- 
fore I had attained my sixth year, of impressing this 
subject on my mind in the most agreeable colors." 

The world is full of instances that show the power 
we have over children, to excite or to allay in them 
a thousand petty alarms and foolish fears and ground- 
less apprehensions. We should cultivate in them an 
habitual calmness and tranquillity of temper. This 
will do much to prepare them to take right views of 
death. It is well to take a child to funerals quite 
young, and to explain to him, as early as possible, 
all you can in relation to the departed. Were these 
occasions conducted more in the spirit of Christian- 
ity, it would be easy to give our children correct im- 
pressions on this subject. Suppose the relatives of 
the deceased were to dress in light instead of dark 
garments, and to think and speak, not of their own 
loss, but of the gain of the ascended one ; suppose 
the coffin was laid on a bright hearse, and covered 
with a white pall, and the pastor should speak and 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 191 

pray as Jesus would, and turn off the mind from the 
body, and fasten it upon the spirit ; — how much 
would these few changes do to take away the gloom 
which now gathers around the grave ! 

I rejoice that in this age we see, in many instan- 
ces, the body surrounded with fair flowers, and our 
cemeteries adorned and made cheerful. Let all our 
arrangements in relation to the dead correspond with 
this grateful change. Let no word or look come in 
to mar this new impression. Parents cannot expend 
too much thought on this topic. Did they give their 
children no other instruction, they would do well in 
giving them bright views of death. Could they train 
them no farther, this were a blessed work to raise 
them so near to their Saviour that they should be 
" delivered from the bondage of the fear of death." 

Do not dwell on general topics, but be minute and 
particular ; the bread of heaven must be broken into 
small fragments, or it will not nourish a child. You 
may say to him, God is good ; but that is a vague 
idea. Show 1 i n how the. hand of God gave him 
some particular thing, raised him from sickness, or 
saved him in danger ; this is a definite object, and 
he will never forget the occasion. The inductive 
method, as in philosophy, so in education, is the only 
safe method. It is the only course to render a child 
sincerely pious. He can be made to repeat cate- 
chisms, and go over dogmas and abstractions inter- 
minably, and yet not one genuine emotion of love to 



192 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

God be awakened by it in his breast. He is then 
the mere echo of your voice ; you make him ex- 
press what he never yet felt. Shun this fatal error ; 
whatever he repeats or does or says in the name of 
God and Christ, be sure it comes from the heart. 
And, to gain that assurance, let his own life be the 
great mine where you dig for the heavenly treasure. 
Connect what he has himself seen, heard, thought, 
and felt with your religious instructions, and you im- 
bed them in his character. 

The remarks now made apply with great force to 
the exercise of prayer. Children usually take pleas- 
ure in the repetition of forms ; but let it not be the 
mere form which excites their interest. This can be 
easily avoided ; for how often do we see a little 
child, whose intellect is yet undeveloped, become ir- 
radiated with light and beauty, while he pours forth 
his own happy prayers ! He will take pleasure in 
repeating after you the simple form, " Now I lay me 
down to sleep." And soon he loves to express his 
prayer in his own language. I have heard of a little 
girl who knelt down of her own accord, when un- 
dressed to go to bed, and said, " Our Father who 
art in heaven, forgive me for striking my little broth- 
er to-day, and help me not to strike him again ; for 
O, if he should die, how sorry I should be that I 
struck him." 

It is well to teach children to follow us in prayer, 
word by word ; yet let us never end with this. I 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 193 

would have a child taught to pray in his own lan- 
guage also. Let the form lead him up to a still 
higher elevation. When he has the spirit of prayer, 
the form becomes sanctified. Unite the two meth- 
ods, and you teach him to pray without ceasing. 

" Hold the little hands in prayer, teach the weak knees their 

kneeling ; 
Let him see thee speaking to thy God ; he will not forget it 

afterward ; 
When old and gray will he feelingly rememher a mother's 

tender piety, 
And the touching recollection of her prayers shall arrest the 

strong man in his sin." 

I close this enumeration of the instrumentalities of 
domestic religion by recommending to the parent an 
habitual reference to the Bible, as a light and support 
in the discharge of his arduous duties. That should 
be the code from which he draws his every rule and 
precept, and the sanction he refers to at all times. 
Present Jesus Christ as the model for your child, 
and induce him to prize the record of his life, to 
reverence his character, to be grateful for his sacri- 
fice, and love his memory. 

A love of the Bible should be cherished in child- 
hood. That book should be held up as the banner 
of success, both for this life and the life to come. 
To how many has it brought treasures, by its influ- 
ence on their principles and character, on earth as 
well as in heaven ! We are told of a certain Quaker 
13 



194 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

in France, that he was once waited upon by four of 
his workmen, to receive their usual new year's gifts. 
cc Well, my friends," said he, " here are your gifts ; 
choose either fifteen francs or the Bible." "I don't 
know how to read," said the first, " so I take the 
fifteen francs." cc I can read," said the second, 
" but I have pressing wants." He then took the 
money. The third also made the same choice. 
He now came to the fourth, a lad of about fourteen. 
The Quaker looked at him and asked, " Will you 
take these three pieces, which you can earn any time 
by your labor ? " " As you say the book is good," 
replied the boy, " I will take it, and read it to my 
mother." He took the Bible, opened it, and found 
between the leaves a gold piece of forty francs. 
How few lads would have done like him ! and yet, 
by taking that Bible, he made himself richer than his 
associates, for this world no less than the next. 

Parents, do all in your power to make your chil- 
dren love this precious volume better than silver and 
gold. For this purpose, read it with them, not in 
course, but with wise selections. Let it not be a 
strange work, but let it be adverted to, its authority 
recognized, and its spirit imbibed continually. Nev- 
er allow the flashy literature of the day to crowd out 
the sacred volume. Remember that what the spinal 
column is to the body, — its main pillar, its prime 
support, its life-channel, — the Bible is to the soul 
of your child. 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 195 

And here the question may be raised, " What 
doctrines are we to teach our children from the Bi- 
ble ? " Some may ask, " Shall we teach them any 
doctrines whatever ? " I reply, that every child 
should be taught absolute doctrines, that is, religious 
truths. But the less of controversial doctrines we 
inculcate — especially upon young children — the 
better. Give them distinct ideas in regard to God, 
and Christ, and man, and their various relations to 
each other. But let these ideas be taken fresh from 
the Bible itself, not from any creed, or any church, 
or any sect upon earth. We should never embarrass 
a child with conflicting dogmas. It is better to give 
him one single, simple view of a divine truth, and let 
his mind rest on that. 

" Whose view," it will be asked, cc shall we give 
him ? " We can honestly give him no other than 
our own. What seems to us, after a diligent and 
prayerful search of the Scriptures, to be true, that 
we should teach our children. It may not be the 
pure truth ; but if it is as pure as we can obtain, that 
is sufficient. Let the child receive it at first, as he 
does other things from us, on authority. If we teach 
him error, he will have an opportunity in future years 
to detect it. And it is better to teach a child some 
errors, than to give him no truth. It is a sad mis- 
take, and a calamity to the character, to have no 
clear views of religious truth implanted in child- 
hood. 



196 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

But while we impart truth to the mind, let us fill 
the heart also with charity. A child should be made 
to believe that there are Christians in all denomina- 
tions, and that he is never to avoid another person, 
or to feel unkindly toward him, on account of his re- 
ligious opinions. Infuse early into the spirit a tol- 
erance as broad as that felt by our Saviour toward 
the Samaritan and the heathen ; and let this liberal 
temper shine out from your own heart and conversa- 
tion. We may derive great aid in this course from 
the growing liberality of the Christian community. 
Less and less is thought of creeds, and more and 
more of character, every year that passes. So may 
it ever be ; while we seek the truth, and lead our 
children also to do it, let us be careful to grow in 
charity. We can promote this good cause by en- 
couraging them to associate with those of different 
denominations. Let them join, too, in the philan- 
thropic enterprises of the day. Children who feel a 
common interest in temperance, freedom, and peace, 
in relieving the poor, reforming the vicious, and as- 
sisting all who suffer, cannot be deeply estranged by 
a mere diversity of doctrinal opinions. 

Let religion be presented to your children, not 
as a thing to be simply respected, but as a personal, 
individual concern ; not as an occasional visitor, 
but as an ever-present friend, a never-failing guide. 
The master painter always has one figure in his 
group around which all the rest cluster, and to which 



RELIGIOUS EDUCATION. 197 

the eye ever returns. Let personal piety be the cen- 
tral figure in the character of your child. The 
world, its gains, honors, pleasures, may wait round 
it, and while they do its bidding they fill their place. 
But woe to that youth who puts either of these as 
the central figure in his life-picture ! It is sad to 
think how often this is done ; it is mournful to wit- 
ness these attempts to unite God and Mammon, the 
flesh and the spirit, self and duty. 

" God and the world we worship both together ; 
Draw not our laws to him, but his to ours ; 
Untrue to both, so prosperous in neither, 

The imperfect will brings forth but barren flowers." 

Do not encourage in your child this fatal compro- 
mise. Set up religion as supreme ; let the question 
never be raised, " Which am I to take, God or 
man, for my guide ?" Show him the Father, habit- 
ually, and say, " There is your law." 

And, to give effect to your instructions, take that 
holy Being as your own monitor and guide. You 
can do little without personal religion. How can 
you render these children grateful to God, if you 
never feel that gratitude yourself ? The words of 
pious instruction will often freeze on your lips ; your 
very countenance will betray the coldness of your 
heart. But, O, if you first love and live in the Fa- 
ther, then when you speak of him to your child 
your face will be as the face of an angel. Nay, your 
very silence will be eloquent with instruction ; for he 



198 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

sees God in your eye, and reads of him in your ev- 
ery feature. 

Now, then, while the wax is warm, set the seal of 
God in these youthful hearts. If you do not feel 
qualified to teach them of heavenly things, enter the 
great normal school of Jesus Christ, and begin your 
preparation. Life is short, and why should you de- 
lay ? Be pious yourself, and ask the Father, and he 
will enable you to render them pious also. Then 
will they be fitted for the stern tasks of this life ; and 
honor, virtue, success, and well-doing will be their 
meed at every stage. Or if they be taken early 
from you, they shall go forth in celestial apparel, and 
with praise on their faltering tongues. Or if you be 
called first, you will enjoy the sweet recollection of 
a persevering fidelity in training them up for earth 
and for heaven. And, as scene after scene fades 
from your vision, and the ties to this world, one and 
another, seem to fail and break, the last will be that 
which binds you to your children ; and as that link, 
too, is being severed, you will trustfully commit 
them to that Divine Parent with whose guardian love 
they are already filled, and who assures you he will 
be their deliverer in the temptations of life, their 
refuge in its storms, and their high and unending 
reward. 



CHAPTER XVI. 



DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 



It is an ancient custom, to be traced back to that 
thrice-happy family who dwelt in Eden, and contin- 
ued down through patriarchs, prophets, and kings, 
for the master of each household to offer up with 
them, morning and evening, the incense of prayer 
unto God. The custom was sanctioned from above, 
and is beautiful in itself. What, indeed, is more 
natural, what more becoming or more truly beneficial, 
than worship at the family altar ? In attempting to 
enumerate its advantages, one is soon lost amid their 
numbers and claims. 

Here is a circle who share the same mercies from 
Heaven, surround one board, mingle in common in- 
terests, pleasures, and pursuits. They rise in the 
morning, and go forth to their labors from a single 
abode. When evening comes on, they gather them- 
selves together and lie down in their dwelling be- 
neath the same sheltering wing. And can they 
withhold their gratitude ? Can they, if they con- 
sider their condition, go each to the duties of the 



200 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

day, unmindful of the Father of them all ? Does 
no inward monitor bid them assemble for prayer ? 
Shall there be no act by which they recognize their 
common dependence upon God ? And when the 
toils of the day are over, does not nature call upon 
them to commit themselves, by some general, social 
service, to the care of Him who never slumbers or 
sleeps ? Is it enough, even, that each retire to his 
closet, and send up his petitions and acknowledg- 
ments in solitude ? O, no ! Religion, reason even, 
says no. Wisdom herself crieth at their doors, " Let 
there be some voice of thanksgiving ascending in the 
name of them all to Him who has watched and pre- 
served and blessed them together. Let him who is 
placed in Providence at the head of these brethren 
speak unto the Lord in their behalf, and bear up for 
them a token of praise and love." 

In a family are found individuals who have equal 
wants. They all need daily the bounties of God, — 
life, health, friends, peace of mind, the possession 
of reason and conscience, and a mutual love. And 
these are the most precious of all human possessions. 
How befitting their relation, then, that they present, 
each day that returns, their united and hearty peti- 
tions for these gifts ! Shall the morning dew, as it 
ascends on high, bear up no holy words from them ? 
Shall the setting sun, the hour of nightfall, and the 
season for rest, pass by, and they remain prayerless ? 
A large portion of our blessings consist of social • 



DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 201 

enjoyments, and all of them derive, to some ex- 
tent, their value and relish from being shared with 
others. Can we, then, keep silence before Him 
who gives us all we have ? Nay, if our minds per- 
ceive their wants, and our hearts feel how much we 
owe to our Universal Father, we shall be constrained 
to join in prayer. We shall sometimes, in a full 
view of our heaven-born happiness, feel that we can- 
not withhold a tribute of gratitude and praise for this 
happiness. 

How much, again, do their united devotions serve 
to promote a spirit of forbearance and forgiveness 
among those who are of one household. There is 
much in our intercourse even with those nearest our- 
selves, that demands a kind and patient temper. 
Our opinions sometimes differ. Our constitutional 
temperaments and our natural dispositions are of all 
possible varieties. If there be no one in the circle 
who strives to ward off exciting topics, none to yield 
contested points, and none who are willing to bear 
and forbear, who does not see that in many instances 
a house must be divided against itself ? But on 
whom does this duty devolve ? Not, surely, upon 
a portion of the family alone. The mere fact that a 
particular individual is the oldest, or the head of the 
family, does not exempt him from mildness and con- 
cessions. Still less, because he has superior strength, 
does Christianity allow him to trample on the feelings, 
or disregard the comfort, of all under his roof. No ; 



202 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

the youngest and the feeblest has rights, no less than 
himself. But how shall he be persuaded of this ? 
How, rather, shall he be prevented from ever usurp- 
ing what belongs unto them all ? We answer, Let 
there be an altar set up in that house, and let the 
master of the family go daily unto it. With meek- 
ness and confession let him pour forth his soul with 
theirs. Let him remind himself that his Master also 
is in heaven, and that there all are servants of that 
Being. He now takes the very readiest course to 
maintain and magnify the spirit of good-will and 
charity, not only in himself, but in the bosoms of all 
who respond to his prayer. 

It is a law of Christianity that we love' one anoth- 
er. But in a family there are influences which tend 
to make us regardless of this duty. Children are 
exposed to a spirit of envy ; they think, perhaps, 
that a brother or sister receives more of a parent's 
favor than themselves. And the father is prone to 
give occasion for this murmur, or the mother selects 
some one as her favorite, and leaves the others to 
suffer by her partiality. Now this partiality is a vio- 
lation of the commands of Scripture. And it is not 
a trifling fault, — something of which we may say, 
" I know it is wrong, but still I cannot help it." 
No, this and every other form of self-love — or 
rather I would say, for such is its root, of selfish- 
ness — must be banished from our families. The 
only inquiry with a true follower of Christ will be, 



DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 203 

" How can I amend and forsake this fault ? " We 
answer, By united prayer. Parents, go with your 
offspring, children, go with each other, to the God 
of all hearts. Bow as one ; confess your common 
transgressions, and ask for defence against your com- 
mon temptations. Then may you hope for that 
u wisdom from above, which is full of good fruits, 
without envy, and without partiality." 

Family devotion interrupts that tone of earthliness 
which so easily pervades those hearts which are nev- 
er led statedly to meditate upon the spiritual world. 
Amid the pressure of business, we find not seldom 
that even our most lonely and sacred hours are dis- 
turbed by schemes of a worldly nature. It is right 
that while the day lasts we should work with our 
might. But it is not right that we commence these 
labors without seeking the guidance of God. It is 
not right that we close our eyes before giving thanks 
for our success to Him who has sent it. Yet, frail 
mortals, we are easily borne away from all heavenly 
aspirations ! Almost insensibly, we pass through 
the day without having God in our thoughts. 

So is the world forming a crust over our spirits. 
And if we do not begin to break through it now, the 
chance is — nay, the certainty will soon be — that of 
us it shall ere long be said, " Can the Ethiopian 
change his skin, or the leopard his spots ? " What, 
then, shall we do to check this polluting torrent ? 
How are we effectually to break that iron band 



204 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

which cur daily occupation is binding around us ? 
I answer, Among other means, introduce the accus- 
tomed, regular approach unto a spiritual Father. 
That family who truly and heartily unite in a prayer 
take to themselves weapons from the armory of 
God. They go not forth in their own strength ; 
they each feel, as they turn from that holy service, 
that they are not alone, but the Father is with them. 
In the transactions of the day, amid the tumult of 
life, the thought ever and anon steals through their 
minds, I must buy as though I possessed not ; I 
must use this world as not abusing it, for the fashion 
thereof passeth away. And, should some besetting 
sin threaten their virtue, and almost overwhelm their 
sternest resolution, a still, small voice comes on their 
ear, u How will you appear with that stain upon 
you at the hour of your family devotions ? " And 
thus an arm is let down from above, and we are 
saved as by fire. 

Domestic worship establishes among the members 
of a family a pure standard of conduct. By our ha- 
bitual intercourse in society, we are extremely prone 
to derive our rules from abroad, and refer our ac- 
tions to the world. We are hardly aware how ex- 
clusively we lean on the approbation of man. It 
would amaze us, were it not for the very familiarity 
of the practice, that beings who profess a belief in 
God, a sense of accountableness to him, and a con- 
viction of their own immortality, should live so com- 



DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 205 

pletely regardless of these great truths in their daily 
deportment. Creatures of yesterday, the bounds 
of whose habitation on earth are fixed, — secure not 
even of to-morrow's sun, — we still move and speak 
and appear like men sure of inhabiting these bodies 
for ever. Let us subscribe to what doctrine we 
may, our actions are continually saying, " My moun- 
tain shall stand ; I shall never go hence." 

Now this course is mournfully wrong. It is faith- 
lessness to our Master ; and if not speedily changed, 
it will bring disaster and woe upon ourselves. But 
how shall we break from the tyranny of human opin- 
ion, and of things seen and heard, and make God 
and his holy revelation our practical guide ? I be- 
lieve that nothing will so strengthen us in this task as 
sincere domestic prayer. 

The great trials of the Christian come upon him 
while abroad. He needs, therefore, a preparation 
for them at home. He must take the shield of faith 
from his own fireside. He must see that his princi- 
ples are so firm that the gates of sin are not likely to 
prevail against them. In the business of the day his 
temper will be tried, — his passions often kindling 
almost to a flame. How can they be calmed and 
repressed ? There are times when the presence of 
man will not suffice ; the authority of God will be 
all which can do it. Let us go from the altar of 
prayer, our garments fragrant w T ith the odor of its in- 
cense, and we can repel our tempters, — we shall 



206 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

say unto every wicked one, a Get thee behind me, 
for thou savourest not the things which be of God, 
but the things which be of men." 

Family worship impresses most favorably the 
younger members who are accustomed to hear it. 
True, they may, on the introduction of this service, 
manifest a restlessness or indifference. But let us not 
be disheartened by this. As they listen longer to 
these holy sounds, their ear, and thence their heart, 
will be won by it. If the father be a sincere worship- 
per of God, the children will observe it in his man- 
ner, his voice, his tone and countenance. The very 
atmosphere they breathe at these seasons will solem- 
nize their feelings ; and though they should be too 
young to comprehend his language, they will not be 
too young to feel it. There will be a sacredness in 
their view of the act ; and their minds as well as 
their bodies will be fixed in a reverent posture. 

At times the younger members of the family will 
hear a parental supplication for themselves. The 
simple petition, " Bless these our little ones," will 
arrest their attention and touch their spirits. Can 
they indeed hearken to one whom they so tenderly 
love, as he asks that wisdom, knowledge, piety, and 
all kind affections may descend upon them, without 
forming a resolution to gain these qualities ? Will 
not the seriousness of that hour seem to them a mes- 
sage from above ? 

No one who has marked these sanctifying influen- 



DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 207 

ces can doubt that family prayer is among the surest 
methods of a beneficent Providence for keeping chil- 
dren in the paths of virtue. And if by some bane- 
ful cause a son has strayed from a parent's care, and 
is wasting his time and substance in the ways of 
wickedness, let him but remember the daily prayer 
of home, and consider that, as he muses, it may be 
even now going up on his behalf, and it shall be to 
him a voice at which his flesh shall tremble, — a 
voice that will cry unto him, in piercing accents, 
" Son, why hast thou dealt thus with us ? " 

Let fathers reflect, also, how consistent this act 
w r ould be with their other services for their offspring. 
We count him, in accordance with the Scriptures, 
u an infidel," who provides not food for his family. 
There is not one who would not be shocked at the 
conduct of him who, to the famishing child that 
begged of him bread, should offer a stone. What 
toils and privations and sufferings do parents cheer- 
fully endure to bring home meat and raiment for their 
children ! And shall they, as heads of these fam- 
ilies, do nothing to give them spiritual food ? Will 
they not so much as implore with them the blessing 
of God on their worldly labors ? Do not those w 7 ho 
neglect family prayer stand condemned of incongru- 
ous actions out of their own mouths ? I beseech 
every father of a family to look at our subject in this 
light, and to say if he believes that the Holy Spirit 
is a less worthy gift than the things he so faithfully 



208 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

provides for his children. O, let not one who es- 
teems the souls • of his offspring at their real value 
omit to render unto them this great benefit ! Though 
it cost him, each day he lives, the severest effort to 
speak unto God in their behalf, let him not so wrong 
their immortal natures as to refuse to open his lips in 
prayer with and for them. 

Think, again, of the importance of domestic de- 
votion in the day of trouble. Your family are all 
now, it may be, spared to you, and sitting around 
you in the fulness of health. But will it be always 
so ? Has it been always so ? There was a time — 
it can hardly have been otherwise — when one of your 
circle, endeared to you by a thousand ties, was taken 
from her labors and brought low by disease. It was 
whispered — and you heard the fearful sounds — that 
the symptoms in her case were alarming. You im- 
agined, in the anguish of the moment, that life to be 
quenched in death. O, how bitter, how withering, 
was the thought ! Were you not impelled by some- 
thing within to look above, — to implore the Al- 
mighty One in mercy to save that life ? Could you 
meet your family in the morning, and read the silent 
anxiety that sat on their countenances, without ever 
wishing to join with them in asking the Preserver of 
men to stay that disease ? And now, shall another 
and another be stricken with illness, and you forget 
those former aspirations ? Will you not to-day heed 
the admonition you then felt, and set up a family altar ? 



DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 209 

And what if our Father in heaven should please, 
in his unsearchable wisdom, to remove from our fam- 
ily some one of these our kindred ? We know not 
how soon we may be robbed of either or all of these 
treasures. There are those now sitting in solitary 
places, who were once surrounded by as many and 
as dear connections as ourselves. If that seat so 
long occupied at our table shall ere long be vacant, 
to whom shall we go for consolation ? The waves 
of sorrow and death are rolling high and terribly 
around us ! Who can tell that some one may not 
soon break on our devoted dwelling ? And should 
it be so, are we ready to unite at our fireside in say- 
ing, " The will of the Lord be done " ? Father, 
could you behold that tender child in the destroyer's 
hand, without desiring to pray, with the wife of your 
bosom, that you might bear the stroke with Christian 
submission ? Could you pass through the night of 
that day which removed him to God, and feel no in- 
clination to pour forth with those who survive a pe- 
tition for heavenly support ? O, no ! the depths of 
your spirit would be so stirred and agitated, — your 
companion would so plead, by her tears, for a com- 
mon utterance unto God, — your little children would 
look up to you with such entreating eyes, — that you 
would be driven to cry out with them and for them 
unto the living God. 

Where, indeed, is the husband, the brother, the 
child, that is not prompted to flee to religion in the 
14 



210 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

hour of affliction ? We feel then, what we per- 
haps never before felt, that it is faith in Christ, and 
a communion with his God and our God, which 
alone give peace amid the bereavements of earth. 
How often under these events has the Christian min- 
ister been called to lift up a voice of prayer in abodes 
where such sounds were altogether strange ! How 
has he besought that Being, to whom all things are 
possible, that the angel of death might convert every 
dwelling it has entered into a house of prayer ! And 
what consolation has he received in the funeral hour, 
w T hen he could feel that the friends joined in his pe- 
titions, as they were wont to day by day, and that 
he laid not the fire of his devotion on a cold hearth ! 
In such situations he could say, with unmingled sat- 
isfaction, " Our friend is not dead, but sleepeth." 
He is withdrawn, indeed, from our sight, but you 
and your pastor together feel that he is but raised 
to a wider mansion in that house you hope soon to 
reach. 

This brings me to speak of another advantage in 
tie act recommended. Where the head of a family 
offers up their daily prayers, religion is habitually felt 
to be a reality. It is not looked upon as some shad- 
owy thing, an unaccustomed visitant, that is to enter 
their house only in sickness and affliction. It has in 
their minds, as it were, a form and body ; it is an 
abiding presence. And it needs only to be thus 
seen and acknowledged, to exert its most renovating 



DOMESTIC WORSHIP. 211 

effects. If we join in prayer, our sympathies are 
strengthened ; we acquire a deeper interest in each 
other's welfare and progress ; we are less selfish, 
and more easily led by every other religious service 
to a holy and benevolent life. 

Nor does the good work terminate here. There 
grows up between us that regard which exists be- 
tween fellow-travellers who are to take up their res- 
idence in some foreign land. We advise each other 
on the provision we should make for our eternal 
home. It is with us a settled and solemn convic- 
tion, that we are strangers and pilgrims here ; and 
therefore we look for our chief enjoyments with 
each other to that city whose builder and maker 
is God. When we say, " We hope to meet in 
heaven," there is in those few words a rich signif- 
icance, a spiritual meaning, which the world hath 
not known. 

But is it not affecting to witness a prayerless 
family ? The husband and wife, the mother and 
daughters, hope for a reunion when the day of be- 
reavement is upon them. Yet in what are they to 
unite ? Have they any common attachment to in- 
visible things ? Has any bond been formed between 
them and the Father ? And how will those harps 
accord in heaven which were not attuned on earth ? 
O, then, father, husband, head of that household, 
stand up before them in the name of the Lord ! 
Pray now, upon earth, at one and the same altar, 



212 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

with these beloved inmates. Then will you go with 
them to that holy company where you will renew 
the song which the grave had but interrupted for a 
season. 



CHAPTER XVII, 

OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 

Sufficient, I believe, has now been said, to 
convince one that in every Christian family there 
should be a daily offering of prayer and praise. 
But, after admitting the beneficial influences, and 
even the duty, of this service, many, it is feared, 
will plead some peculiar personal circumstances 
which they think justify their saying, " I pray thee 
have me excused." 

It is my object in the present chapter to meet, 
and, as far as practicable, to obviate, these objec- 
tions. 

A reason with not a few for omitting this service 
is found in their impression, that it belongs only 
to professors of religion to pray in their families. 
While they remain without the pale of the Church, it 
does not occur to them that they have any share in 
this work. They acknowledge that they owe many 
duties to their children, — that they ought to provide 
for them, furnish them the means of religious instruc- 
tion, educate them well, and walk before them in a 



214 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

good and praiseworthy example. But to perform in 
their presence so solemn a service as prayer would 
be their duty only after they had publicly professed 
to be Christians. 

But is it true that we are not bound to perform 
any religious duty until we declare to the world that 
we intend to do so ? May not the same reasoning 
apply to all other objections of this kind ? Yet no 
one would maintain that he was blameless in setting 
his children a wicked example, because he had never 
" professed " to give them a good one. Family 
worship is rendered unto God. It depends for its 
obligation upon God. He who is placed by that 
being at the head of a circle of immortal souls is 
accountable to him for all the influence he exerts on 
them. And whatever he has promised unto man, 
whether he has "owned a covenant " or not, sub- 
scribed to a formal creed or not, and commemorated 
the dying love of his Saviour or neglected that rite, 
can in no possible way affect this obligation. 

" But," says another, " my life would not cor- 
respond to this act. People would say they could 
see no difference between my conduct and that of 
my neighbours, although there were prayers in my 
house." Who would say this ? The men who 
themselves kept this commandment of the Lord ? 
Never ! Besides, ought you not to lead so exem- 
plary a life that this inconsistency would not exist ? 
Will it atone for an imperfect obedience to God, to 



OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 215 

aver that we do not pray with our families ? Are 
we excusable on this account in any moral offence ? 
Should not a man tremble to confess that he is lead- 
ing daily a life so enslaved to this world, so opposed 
to devotion, that the worship of God would not 
comport with it ? Let all who, in the secret of 
their souls even, have harboured this apology, look 
seriously at it, and ask themselves whether, instead 
of thus shielding their neglect, they ought not to 
commence the good work at once ; and instead of 
conforming in this respect to their lives, whether 
they ought not to begin a family service, and live as 
they pray. Who can tell but this very habit would 
lead them to a watchful and obedient life, and thus 
prove to them, of all men, most beneficial ? 

But perhaps this is not your objection. The 
great obstacle in your way is the mixed character of 
your family. You can think of one, or a few, per- 
haps, who would unite with you cordially in this ser- 
vice. But there are others to whom you believe it 
would bring an unwelcome, wearisome hour. This 
class, I believe, is usually small ; where prayer is 
offered with simplicity and sincerity, it has an intrin- 
sic power to excite an interest. If it be a dull ex- 
ercise in itself, or in the manner of its performance, 
of course it must be wearisome to the listener. But 
this need never be of necessity. 

To some in your family you fear — and this fear 
is a very prevalent hindrance to domestic worship — 



216 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

it would be an occasion for a smile or a jeer. But 
has it come to this ? Are there those who sit daily 
at your' board, so thoughtless and irreverent that they 
would make light of a service offered in their pres- 
ence to the God of heaven ? How long shall it 
be so ? With the feelings and principles suitable 
to your station, — placed, as you are, at the head 
of a family, — how long can you consent to leave 
these persons ready to mock at the most sacred 
things ? Have you no duty to perform to them ? 
Can you do nothing to stay that spiritual pestilence 
that is wasting within them ? Will you not make 
the attempt ? If you realize the account you must 
render on high, you will, both by prayer and by 
friendly advice, do something to awaken in them a 
better spirit. If you cannot inspire them with any 
personal seriousness, you may at least lead them to 
pay a decent regard to religion itself and to religious 
exercises. 

" But," says some one, " my situation is peculiar. 
There are those in my household whose opinions on 
the subject of religion differ from my own. I fear 
they would not join with me in prayer." What are 
the grounds of this fear ? Have they actually refused 
to unite with you ? Do they, think you, not pray 
in secret ? Why should they decline to do so at 
the fireside ? Might not this very service do some- 
thing to conciliate their Christian affection for you ? 
May they not have urged your neglect of family wor- 



OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 217 

ship as a proof of the error of your doctrine ? If 
you believe in the value and efficacy of prayer, are 
you not solemnly called upon to testify this belief, — 
to convince these individuals that you serve your 
God as truly and as devoutly as any Christian upon 
earth, and that, though you dislike a display of one's 
faith, and would never obtrude your own, yet you 
are not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ ? We 
cannot easily estimate, I believe, the respect it 
would gain for our views of religion, the advance- 
ment it would furnish to the cause of Christianity, — 
to pass over its benign and sanctifying effects on our- 
selves, — should the head of each family set up an 
altar unto the common Father of all sects and all 
Christians. 

Are we told by others, that their business pre- 
vents an attendance to this duty, — that they cannot 
find time for it ? This, we suspect, is an apology 
that prevails among very many, and gives them sat- 
isfaction. They regard their work as essential. If 
a man u who provides not for his household be 
worse than an infidel," they imagine that he who 
does provide for them must be a Christian, — that 
he can serve his Maker in no more acceptable way 
than by earning bread for his children. 

But I would ask such an one, Does the labor of 
your hands accomplish* all this work ? Is the glory 
of sending the showers on your lands, of causing the 
sun to invigorate your plants, of supplying you 



218 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

strength to toil, or of crowning your business with 
success, — is all this your own ? Why, then, will 
you not confess who is the Giver ? And when you 
have begun here, why will you not go on, and re- 
hearse all his blessings in supporting the life and con- 
tinuing to you the friendships of your nearest con- 
nections, in the forgiveness of your common and 
mutual offences, and entreat him to impart to you 
spiritual gifts, and seek an obedient and submissive 
heart at his hand ? 

Do you still say, " I have no time for prayer ; it 
is well for those who have leisure to discharge this 
duty " ? No time for prayer ! Have you no time 
for pleasure ? Is no hour in the day wasted in idle 
conversation ? If some gainful scheme was pro- 
posed, could you not find a few minutes, morning 
and evening, to attend to it ? Could you not, if 
your life, or even your honor and comfort alone, 
were concerned, take a small portion of time from 
the season of sleep ? O, then, be as liberal unto 
God as you are to yourself. Offer him, at least, 
this small return for his loading you daily with ben- 
efits. And when you plead this excuse, ask, Must 
I find no time for sickness and for death ? Should 
I in my last moments lament the losses I have suf- 
fered, in respect to time, from prayer ? Should 
I not mourn and weep at this poor excuse, — "no 
time for prayer " ? Let us live as we shall wish we 
had lived when we are called to go hence. 



OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 219 

But when all these obstacles are about to be over- 
come, a greater still is seen often to arise. It is the 
plea of inability to perform the service. There are 
numbers of pious and exemplary Christians, who, 
though persuaded of the efficacy of this service, 
continue, for this reason, to omit it. It may be, 
they feel their education to be deficient. They 
have children more learned than themselves, before 
whom they feel incompetent to address their Cre- 
ator. Should they make the attempt, a failure in 
propriety or readiness of expression might ensue. 
Their safety, they believe, is in silence. To such 
we would say, their fears are doubtless unfounded. 
Let the heart be warm with the spirit of prayer, and 
the form and the mere words are seldom found want- 
ing. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth 
speaketlu If a man have aught to communicate, 
language will usually come at his bidding. Let him 
be in earnest, let the subject interest and take deep 
hold of him, and how rarely does he labor for expres- 
sions. So is it in the act of devotion. The feel- 
ing is far more closely connected with the utterance 
than we commonly imagine. 

As regards fitness of language, the more plain and 
simple this is, the more acceptable to God. And 
when the hearer perceives you to be hearty and sin- 
cere in the act, you disarm him of a critical spirit. 
If children be made aware of the objects of this ser- 
vice, they will be too humble, too sensible of their 






229 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

faults and of their spiritual wants, to indulge at that 
hour the unworthy disposition of fault-finding. If 
they do not possess the right views of prayer, and 
the feelings suitable for its performance, we should 
strive to enlighten them, and, with the Divine aid, to 
impress their minds and hearts with a sense of relig- 
ion. But do not, in any event, allow their criminal- 
ity to remain, and yourself to be forced to keep si- 
lence before God, through fear of their criticisms. 

Should there be those so painfully conscious of 
their inabilities as to shrink from the duty recom- 
mended, I would suggest to them the use of some 
form of prayer. When Jesus was on earth, he pre- 
scribed for his disciples a form, — that inimitable 
model of devotion termed the Lord's Prayer. Why 
may not we, if circumstances demand it, read this and 
similar forms in presence of our families ? The sen- 
timents it contains might surely be listened to and 
felt. For prayer depends for its acceptance, not on 
the mode, but on the state of the affections in which 
it is offered. 

In all ages of the Church, written aids to devotion 
have been employed ; and let us not consider them 
without value. Let the head of a household com- 
mence, if he choose, with a form. A growth in ho- 
ly emotions, and the facility given by exercise, will 
soon lead him to dispense with it. Better, indeed, 
read, if it were but a portion of Scripture, morning 
and evening, in presence of his family, than neglect 



OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 221 

all the appearances of a house occupied by immortal 
beings. 

I have spoken of domestic worship as an unques- 
tionable duty. It may be objected, that it is no- 
where expressly commanded in Scripture. I reply, 
that we have abundant examples of it, if there be 
no special command for it, in the Bible. The 
worship of families is a practice as old as our 
race. Look at the patriarchs and saints of old, — 
Abraham, David, Joshua, Job ; among the pious 
services of these men, this was never forgotten. A 
blessing was pronounced on parents and children 
who joined in their acts of faith and intercession. 
A withering denunciation was uttered against the 
families that " called not on the name of the Lord." 
All nations, Jew and Gentile, nay, Mahometan and 
Pagan, have scrupulously discharged this duty. Our 
honored forefathers — every household — were men 
of prayer. Shall we put an end to this blessed cus- 
tom ? Shall the torch of fireside devotion expire in 
our hands ? Are we willing to have our dwellings 
stand, like the houses of the Egyptians, with no 
mark of the Lord's impression upon them ? 

Christianity, it cannot be too often repeated, is a 
social religion. It calls us, not only to promote our 
own virtue and happiness, but also that of others. 
And if it be true of charity, it is equally so of piety, 
that it begins at home. Each member of a family 
owes something, in this light, to all who compose it. 



222 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

And the father, holding the station of most influ- 
ence, is under the highest obligations. Can he, then, 
say, when a question comes up involving the pres- 
ent and the eternal well-being of his household, " I 
may please myself. I may discharge or neglect this 
duty " ? Shall he take shelter in the thought that he 
is not a professor of religion ? Shall he stop to in- 
quire whether this or that individual believes as he 
does, or would approve of the step ? Can he find 
it in his heart to say, u I do not live like a Christian, 
and therefore I am excused from prayer " ? Or, 
when the moral and spiritual good of his children 
and other inmates are at stake, when their im- 
provement or degradation are concerned in the issue, 
will that man — 'dare he — begin to say, "I have 
no time for this duty ; my business presses ; it is not 
convenient " ? No ; as he reflects on the case, he 
will rather take this ground : — " Jesus, my master, 
commands me, on the pain of exclusion from the 
favor of God, to confess him before men. I will 
not, then, permit the fear of man, a treacherous 
pride, or a Peter-like shame, to seal my lips and pre- 
vent my petitions with and for my household. I will 
endeavour, as in other respects, so in this, to show 
myself his consistent disciple." 

Let us this day set the mark before ourselves, that, 
if not now, yet some time, and that soon, our voices 
shall be heard lifted unto our God and Father in behalf 
of our bosom companion and our beloved children. 



OBJECTIONS TO FAMILY PRAYER. 223 

Let not the time be distant when the word of God, 
and some mode of prayer, shall find utterance from 
our mouths, — when, let the trial be severe as it 
may, we will take up the cross and follow our 
Lord. 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

THE BIBLE. SINGING. 

Although something was said in a previous 
chapter on the use of the Bible in a system of relig- 
ious education, yet the topic is too important to be 
dismissed without further remarks. This volume 
lies at the foundation of all sound culture, whether 
mental or moral. The student should make it his 
daily companion ; men in every profession and ev- 
ery occupation should be familiar with its pages, and 
possessed of its truths and its spirit. There is a 
growing disposition, it is feared, to neglect the pe- 
rusal of the Scriptures. In some instances the vol- 
ume is not owned by the individual, and in others 
— who can tell how many — conscience is satis- 
fied with the mere possession of it. It lies year 
after year on the table, emphatically a " neglected 
Bible." 

But no faithful parent will yield to this custom. 
"We are admonished by it rather to make special ef- 
forts to restore the Bible to that elevated place, 
where, in all ages, it belongs. A child should be 



THE BIBLE. 225 

taught, from his earliest years, that this is " the 
Book," as its name imports, — the best of all books. 
It should be always at hand, treated with reverence, 
appealed to in conversation, and made the standard 
in the family for all opinions, principles, feelings, and 
actions. The experiment has never been tried of 
training a generation lost to all due respect for the 
Scriptures. Let not the parents now on the stage 
incur the tremendous risk of trying that experiment. 

It is well to establish the practice of each person 
reading a verse or two of the Bible in turn at the 
time of family worship. Our business habits, the 
arrangements of school hours, and our other pur- 
suits, often interfere sadly with this desirable custom. 
But if it be neglected some days, or even every day 
in the week, on the Sabbath it should be sacredly 
regarded. I know of no more interesting spectacle 
than that of a family group gathered round the table 
on the evening of that day to read aloud some por- 
tion of Scripture. ' The father and mother, the old- 
est and the youngest of the brothers and sisters, 
there they sit, side by side, engaged in a service that 
places an " incorruptible crown " on all the previous 
exercises of the day. They recognize their com- 
mon dependence on that Being, the record of whose 
word they are now perusing. Link by link they are 
passing round one another that golden chain which is 
to bind them together in toil, trials, troubles, blessings, 
and joys on earth, and in the immortal hope of find- 
15 



226 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

ing their names written together at last u in the 
Lamb's book of life." 

In the education of his children, the parent will 
find an ever-ready aid in the Bible. It will furnish 
him with all the variety of characters and scenes, of 
instructions and commands, of invitations, promises, 
encouragements, and sanctions, which he needs. 
There, too, he will find plans and methods of relig- 
ious culture of the highest practical value. " The 
letter " is there, important to be lodged in the child's 
mind, and without which he cannot gain " the spirit " 
which " giveth life." 

It is important that we consider well the nature of 
a child's mind, if we would interest and instruct him 
aright in the Bible. As far as it is reasonable, we 
should allow our children to select for themselves 
the portions of Scripture they are to read ; for it al- 
ways gives a relish to our pursuits to have them vol- 
untary. We may find them choosing generally the 
narratives alone. But these narratives, such as the 
stories of Joseph, of Samuel, of Daniel, and others, 
are, for the most part, of a moral and religious char- 
acter. And were they not so, it is a great point 
to interest a child, in some way, in the reading of the 
Bible. For then you may hope that in after life he 
will pass from its stories to its abstract doctrines and 
precepts. 

The writer recollects with pain an opposite course 
pursued with himself in childhood. He was hired 



THE BIBLE. 227 

to read the Bible through in course. This reduced 
it all literally to a dead level in his estimation, — 
the whole being regarded as a task-book. He was 
also required to read the obscure parts at the fire- 
side ; and, as if this would not effect the end so un- 
fortunately set before him, he was compelled to read 
the Bible in course at school ; and at the end of the 
term came a public exhibition in the meeting-house, 
where the scholars were to recite, for prizes of 
nooks, as many chapters as possible from memory. 
Bitter are his reminiscences of repeating page after 
page of Paul's Epistles to the Romans and Ephe- 
sians, in which the words " election," " foreknowl- 
edge," " predestination," and their kindred expres- 
sions, rose cloud upon cloud over his view of the 
sacred volume, and made it his aversion, instead of 
being, as it should have been made, his .delight. 

There are many methods by which the Scriptures 
may be clothed with interest to a child. We may 
procure for him well-executed prints of their scenes 
and characters ; and we may give him a good map of 
Palestine, and assist him to draw one for himself. 
It is desirable to place in his hands biographies, 
tales, and sketches, written in a close connection with 
Scripture characters and events. And even the 
smallest child may acquire a pleasant, as well as a 
true, idea of many passages in the Bible through his 
toys. I have seen a little toy called Noah's ark. 
Suppose, now, after the story of Noah, you ask your 



228 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

child to take a little ark of this kind, place the an- 
imals in order, with the patriarch and his family at 
their head. You may launch the ark in water, and 
you will find a multitude of questions put to you, in 
answering which you can convey much valuable in- 
struction. 

By every method in our power let us create an in- 
terest early in the Bible, and keep it alive at every 
succeeding stage, until our children are of an age to 
read and understand and apply to practice the sacred 
volume for themselves. Let the Sermon on the 
Mount, and other similar portions of it, be treasured 
in the memory ; they will be a support amid tempta- 
tion, and a solace in trouble, to the latest hour of 
their lives. Explain to them especially the New 
Testament. Offer them up in baptism ; give the 
lambs unto Jesus, and unfold afterward to them the 
significance of this beautiful rite. Lead them to 
dedicate themselves, in their youth, to Father, Son, 
and Spirit. With characters so established, they 
will be disposed early to avow themselves disciples 
of Jesus, and come voluntarily and joyously to the 
table of his love. 

In connection with the reading of the Bible, I 
would recommend the introduction of vocal music. 
Let a hymn be sung as a part of the family worship, 
and let the smaller children join in this act. It is 
now believed that nearly every child has the capacity 
for singing. For many reasons, this gift should be 



SINGING. 



229 



early exercised, and never afterward neglected. Sa- 
cred music promotes devotional feeling hardly less 
than direct acts of prayer. And if the listener is 
thus benefited, how much more must the performer 
be himself, when he sings with the spirit as well as 
the understanding ! 

Music is a means of individual happiness ; it has 
been well called " the universal language of the feel- 
ings." We often find ourselves in joyous moments 
expressing our feelings in its tones. How many 
weary hours may it beguile, how many pangs may it 
soothe ! I recently heard of an eminent Christian, 
who, amid the tedious hours of her last sickness, 
would often ask her companion, at midnight, when 
she found him awake, to join with her in singing 
some favorite stanza. So is it that, in health and 
joy, amid pain and trouble, under all the vicissi- 
tudes of this eventful life, we have occasion to give 
thanks for music. The intelligent parent, who truly 
loves his child, will therefore do all he can to pro- 
vide for him this inappreciable blessing. 

Vocal music is of great value in the culture of the 
intellect. How many precious truths are impressed 
on a child's mind, by being conveyed to it through 
the aid of songs ! These lessons are prized, from 
being often associated with pleasant scenes, dear 
friends, and happy hours. They are fixed in the 
memory as no mere language in prose could have 
fastened them. Secular as well as sacred instructions 






230 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

are not seldom best imparted by the help of vocal 
music. " Let me make the ballads of a people," 
said some one, " and I care not who makes their 
laws." The history of many barbarous nations has 
been transmitted on the wings of poetry and music 
combined ; and in not a few civilized countries, 
songs have been employed to disseminate ideas and 
awaken feelings among those to whom books were 
little known. Let the parent, who would imprint 
knowledge of any kind deeply on his child's mind, 
seek to find for it, as often as possible, some embod- 
iment in verse and voice. 

It is matter for rejoicing, that, as in foreign lands, 
so in our own, songs are being introduced into our 
schools, which in some instances impart useful knowl- 
edge, as well as awaken pure feelings. Much more 
might be done than now is to make this a delightful 
vehicle of wisdom and truth among our children. It 
is lamentable that we have so few songs in this land 
worthy of an intelligent and virtuous community. 
Instead of filling the young mind with " Negro Mel- 
odies," why can we not have popular airs accom- 
panied by words worthy of this noble art ? Have 
we no parents or teachers skilled in music, who can 
furnish songs for our children in which the sentiment 
shall be elevated, as well as the melody grateful to 
the ear ? 

Meantime, let us preoccupy the youthful mind with 
good songs and hymns, chants and anthems, so that, 



SINGING. 231 

from a refined taste, they will reject what is low and 
frivolous. I do not object to humorous words as 
an occasional recreation in connection with music ; 
let us still have those amusing airs. But let them 
not be the staple of our popular music. Our chil- 
dren should not be imbued, as they now too often 
are, with insipid songs, and language which is some- 
times worse than foolish, doing positive harm to the 
mind and morals. 

Vocal music is a great aid to parental discipline. 
It softens the spirit, and renders it plastic and obe- 
dient ; it quells those passions which sometimes ren- 
der family government so difficult ; it allays peevish- 
ness and fretfulness, and every jarring disposition. 
The parent finds himself at times excited and dis- 
turbed by his business, or by collision with others, 
and he can in no w r ay so well calm his spirit, and in- 
spire a mild authority in his own breast, as by asking 
that some gentle air, or a stanza of some hymn, be 
sung. When the voices are once attuned, the in- 
ward discord will ere long cease ; and the hearts of 
all, parents and children, will be soon melted into 
harmony. 

One of the most serious difficulties in domestic 
government arises from the disputes among children. 
The little world is sometimes set on fire by contend- 
ing tongues. Words are perhaps insufficient to al- 
lay the excitement. But let there be music ; call the 
contending spirits to pause and join in a song, and 



232 * THE CHRISTIAN PARENT- 

you need not fear a renewal of their altercations. 
Those few tones will do more than your frown, your 
command, or even the rod, can ever do to restore 
and preserve a spirit-harmony corresponding to the 
harmony of their voices. 

Let your children be accustomed to sing together, 
and it will diminish the desire, so common in early 
life, for a perpetual round of amusements beyond the 
fireside. The reunion of the family at nightfall sug- 
gests the pleasant recreation of domestic singing. 
Where the eldest daughter or son is skilled in music, 
many a happy hour may be passed in their training 
the younger to the same high accomplishment. So 
occupied, they will not thirst for scenes and circles 
which tend to mental dissipation. Still less will 
those educated to this pure taste desire to roam 
abroad and partake in amusements whose associa- 
tions and influences tend to debasement and vice. 

For its moral advantages, no less than as an inno- 
cent recreation, the parent should encourage in his 
family the culture both of vocal and instrumental mu- 
sic. The desire of improvement in this art affords 
occupation for hours that would otherwise hang heav- 
ily on the hands. Children are incited by it to ben- 
efit each other ; and a love thus grows up between 
sisters who have sat side by side at the piano-forte, 
which no change of times and no length of years will 
impair. 

If your daughter prove a proficient in music, she 



SINGING. 233 

has a noble opportunity of contributing to the hap- 
piness of others. Let her be trained to perform 
cheerfully whenever a call is made upon her. It 
may inspire her with that confidence in her own 
powers so needful to success in life. When the re- 
quest is made, it is better for her disposition that she 
comply with it readily than determinately refuse ; and 
I believe that even an inferior performance is less dis- 
tasteful to a party of friends than an obstinate reluc- 
tance to contribute to their entertainment. Every 
gift we possess, even though it be but u the one 
talent," comes from our Heavenly Father, and 
should be used wherever it will promote the inno- 
cent gratification of a fellow-spirit. 

And not only in the family and the social circle, 
but in still wider spheres, our children may contrib- 
ute to the entertainment and the improvement of 
others by the culture and exercise of their powers 
for music. They can assist in the singing of their 
Sunday school. It is to be regretted that so many 
of our scholars, not a few of whom join in the songs 
of their w T eek-day school, and hence show their ca- 
pacity to do it here, decline singing in the (Sunday 
school. This practice may be traced in part to the 
fact, that parents are remiss in their duty. Did they 
enjoin this exercise on their children, and prepare 
them for it by encouraging music at home, we 
should not miss so many voices in the sacred songs 
of the Sabbath school. 



234 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

The practice, also, of congregational singing, is 
now gaining favor. It needs only a fit training of 
our children to enable the whole people to join in 
this part of the services. Could it be done well, 
who would not rejoice to see it everywhere intro- 
duced ? And what is required for its perfection 
but the universal culture of sacred music at our fire- 
sides ? 

Let this be done, and we shall at least supersede 
in most of our churches the necessity of hiring oth- 
ers to sing for us. It is difficult to secure the true 
effect of church music, that is, a devotional spirit, 
where the performers come to the service merely be- 
cause they are paid for it. There may be irrev- 
erence among a voluntary choir, but no one will con- 
tend that this is so likely to be witnessed in their 
case as in that of a choir who feel no interest in the 
music except as an art and as a means of pecuniary 
gain. If, then, we would have our church singing 
sacred, and not profane music, why do we not train 
up performers taken from the bosom of the congre- 
gation ? The parent can render no more generous 
service to the religious society with whom he wor- 
ships, than to prepare his own children to contribute 
personally to the songs of the sanctuary. 

I may add, that the practice of singing is now re- 
garded as most friendly to health. The use of the 
voice is proved to be a valuable physical exercise. 
It invigorates the lungs, expands the chest, promotes 



SINGING. 235 

the circulation of the blood, and is favorable to di- 
gestion. Let our daughters engage frequently in 
singing, and we shall do much to remove that grow- 
ing paleness of the cheek and contraction of the 
chest which augur so sadly in these days for the 
physical energies of the coming generation. In- 
deed, health, happiness, virtue, and piety unite in 
calling parents, guardians, and teachers to give re- 
newed attention to the culture of music, both as a 
science and an art. 



CHAPTER XIX. 



REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 



It may appear singular, perhaps paradoxical, to 
say, that by expecting little we can gain much, in any 
work whatever to which we may apply our hands. 
Still, is it not often true ? Do we not see cases 
every day in which men are mortified, humbled, and 
enfeebled by the disappointment of their extravagant 
expectations ? An individual forms a false concep- 
tion of his own abilities, and seeks and expects to 
reach a position for which he is not qualified, and in 
this attempt loses a situation for ever to which his 
powers were adapted. We see a thousand illustra- 
tions of this melancholy character. 

Not a few parents fail in the education of their 
children, from expecting too much of them. Did 
they estimate their capacities aright, and regard them 
according to their age, that is, as boys and girls, and 
not as men and women, they would be saved from 
a multitude of errors in their method of training 
them. 

The mother imagines her child is a prodigy ; her 



REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 237 

son can recite poetry to perfection ; her daughter 
can read or sing better than any other girl of her 
acquaintance. Hence, on every occasion, she puts 
these children forward. They do not excite the ad- 
miration she anticipated, and so she is made mis- 
erable. Or if they do, then they are spoiled by 
flattery. The raptures which their exhibition calls 
forth deceive the mother, and render her ridiculous ; 
and they stimulate, at the same time, the children's 
vanity, and thus do them unspeakable harm. 

Here is a mother who expects of her boys the so- 
briety of manhood. She complains that they will 
not keep quiet themselves, nor allow other people to 
be so. She is perpetually calling to them to sit still, 
and looks that they shall fold their arms and do abso- 
lutely nothing. But how unreasonable is this ! God 
has filled them with life ; they have a bounding pulse 
and a buoyant spirit, and why should they be thus 
despotically repressed ? Without this restless and 
energetic disposition, there would be little hope of 
their accomplishing much in life. If we look into 
the future, we shall see that the darkest of all pros- 
pects lies before that boy who is quiet enough to sit 
in a chair hour after hour, doing nothing but keep 
still. Any thing is better than this perfect quietism ; 
better have your ears stunned, and your furniture all 
marred, than the opposite extreme of a mere passive 
immobility. 

Without the restlessness of childhood, we should 



238 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

never have the force and enterprise needed or the 
successful man. It is this very quality which gives 
us, in after life, the active merchant, the skilful 
mechanic, and the progressive agriculturist. With- 
out it, the world had never been blest by its 
long line of illustrious men, artists, philosophers, 
statesmen, discoverers, and inventors. To it we 
owe the achievements of science, the power of 
the pulpit, the administration of justice, the prac- 
tice and progress of the healing art, and the ad- 
vancement of education. Repress it in the boy, 
make him satisfied with sitting perfectly still, and in 
that way being good, and you may be sure he will be 
left behind by his companions in every career of in- 
terest, usefulness, and honor. 

" But would you give up our houses to misrule 
and disorder ? Are we to have nothing in them 
but noise and violence, lest we repress the energies 
of our children ? " No, this need not be ; I would 
find employment for these energies. The boy stud- 
ies at school ; he should have exercise at home. 
Do not, then, confine him in a chair, and compel 
him to be idle, nor yet to read and study alone. 
There are continual calls for domestic occupation, in 
running of errands, in waiting upon parents, and in 
brothers and sisters assisting each other. Why 
should not your son be trained to do all he can for 
his sisters or his younger brothers ? How many 
little things are constantly calling for effort and self- 



REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 239 

sacrifice in a family ! Parents should study to find 
something to occupy every child in their circle. 
Let there be a resolution to do this, and the ways 
and means will readily present themselves. I do 
not deny that it may, in some cases, be a salutary 
punishment, or a good discipline, for a child to sit 
still. But, as a general habit, we should not expect 
to keep children quiet by our naked command. We 
can only do it by providing substitutes for their noisy 
pursuits. 

We err, also, in expecting of children the gravity 
of men and women. They are eager for play, and 
full of vivacity ; we wonder, perhaps, why they are 
never satisfied with their sports. "What pleasure," 
we ask, cc can they find in this constant round of tri- 
fling pursuits ? Why do they not love study and 
love work better than these foolish amusements ? " 
But were we not children once ourselves ? And 
did toe then love work better than play ? Was it 
easy for us to be sober and staid, and never say a 
childish thing, and never do an unwise one ? We 
forget the past, by demanding so much of our chil- 
dren ; and we show little knowledge of human na- 
ture. They are such as the Creator made them, — 
not to be old at once, nor middle-aged, sedate, and 
wise now. They are for the present to be chil- 
dren, elastic in their spirits, lovers of sport, their 
tastes far different from ours, yet none the less fitting 
to their age than ours are to manhood, — 



240 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

" By Nature's kindly law, 
Pleased with a rattle, tickled with a straw." 

Let us not boast ourselves of superiority to them ; 
for to higher orders of being it doubtless appears that 

" Some livelier plaything gives our youth delight, 
A little louder, but as empty quite." 

And at last it is seen that 

" Scarfs, garters, gold, amuse our riper age." 

The parent sometimes perceives in his child a 
love of power, a fondness for authority, a disposition 
to be master in everything. He would fain, it may 
be, extinguish this disposition ; or he expects that 
by a few words he can lead him to exercise it only 
over the right persons and on the proper occasions. 
But are these reasonable expectations ? The love 
of power may terminate, it is true, in a domineering 
and tyrannical temper. But this is not necessary, and 
we should not, therefore, desire to destroy it in a 
child. It is better than a spirit which is facile to a 
fault ; for it is seldom that those very easily persuad- 
ed are persuaded to much good. We need, in this 
world of error and sin, an intellectual and moral 
firmness, the seeds of which should be implanted in 
childhood. If, then, a daughter has the love of 
power, do not try to destroy it, but so direct it that 
she shall aid, instead of lording it over, her younger 
sisters. Your boy, perhaps, is fond of power ; en- 
courage him to exercise it aright. Let him take the 



REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 241 

part of the weak, and lead his companions, but al- 
ways in the right direction. Show him how noble it 
is to protect a sister, to part boys who would quar- 
rel, to exercise justice and benevolence in connec- 
tion with authority. You may hope then that what 
seems to you a dangerous quality will prove of the 
utmost advantage. It will inspire him to protect the 
weak everywhere, and at all periods of his life, 
against the oppression of the strong. 

Some parents expect their children to appear well 
in company, while they allow them to conduct them- 
selves as they please when alone with them. But is 
this rational ? We know that the very best children 
are excited by company, and often do and say things 
before strangers which mortify their parents. What, 
then, should be expected of those ordinarily subject 
to no family discipline ? Suppose your little girl is 
permitted to cry for candy or cake, and never de- 
nied them, — to throw the chairs about the room, or 
to soil your dress, as she pleases : will she never 
tease for her indulgences in company, or romp about 
the room and do mischief before others ? The pres- 
ence of a stranger may restrain some children, who 
are usually unrestrained ; but such cases are rare. 
To look for quiet manners and a respectful deport- 
ment under such circumstances is to expect wheat 
where we have sown tares. 

There is no more bitter cup to a parent than in- 
gratitude. 

16 



242 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

" How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is 
To have a thankless child ! " 

But few pursue the best course to awaken and secure 
gratitude. The mother thinks to make her daughter 
grateful by unlimited indulgence, by allowing her to 
be idle, and doing everything for her. To her sur- 
prise, she finds her daughter more and more ungrate- 
ful. And why should she not be ? Indulgence does 
not render the child happy ; it makes her peevish and 
miserable ; and why should she thank her mother for 
these fruits of her training ? 

Still further, we see, the world over, that gratitude 
is not rendered in proportion to the favors bestowed, 
but according to the benefits we are conscious of re- 
ceiving. If your child, then, does not value what 
you do for him, he will never be grateful for it. But 
unless you teach him from the cradle to express his 
thanks, he will not feel disposed to do it. If you al- 
ways wait upon your son, he will not know the labor 
of doing it, and how can he be grateful for your ser- 
vice ? What is common w T e do not appreciate ; 
what is rare impresses us. Educate a child to wait 
upon himself, ordinarily, and then whenever you as- 
sist him he will prize your assistance, and thank you 
for it. 

There are self-denying mothers who never call the 
attention of their children to what they do for them. 
They imagine it would be selfish to speak of their 
own efforts. But who will remind these children of 



REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 243 

their filial obligations, if their parents do not ? It 
seems to me a false view of duty to pursue this 
course. For the good of the child, and not for your 
own sake, not as an act of self-praise, you are bound 
to set distinctly before him his obligations to his par- 
ents. Point your children to the suffering orphan ; 
let the father describe the privations and toils of the 
mother ; and do not let her hesitate to speak to the 
older of her sacrifices for the younger. It should 
not be done in a tone of complaint, but mentioned 
calmly, as a fact. To neglect doing it is to leave a 
child utterly insensible of the value of his home, and 
of course never grateful to those who made it what 
it is. 

I would suggest to a child, on every suitable occa- 
sion, the propriety of expressing his thanks. Let 
him not receive all favors as a matter of course ; but 
let each, as far as possible, be traced to the giver. 
If we do not in this way steadily cultivate his grati- 
tude, if we do not plant the tree and water and en- 
rich it, let us not look for the fruits. If we do cher- 
ish it, then, as our children grow up, they will lay up 
in their hearts the sweet memory of benefits re- 
ceived, and in after years they will welcome op- 
portunities to repay their early debt. They will be 
filled with gratitude to all who do them good ; they 
will thus drink of a fountain of unfailing happiness, 
— a fountain sealed up to the ungrateful spirit. 

Yet more, when we render our children grateful 



244 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

to man, we sow in their hearts the seeds of a perpet- 
ual thankfulness to the Giver of all good. We em- 
bellish for them the whole outward universe. For 
what appears so beautiful as a world blessed with the 
gifts of a divine love ? Let our children be grate- 
ful, and they will see the Father's bounty in every 
opening blossom, and hear his inspiring voice in the 
murmuring stream, the song of the bird, and the hum 
of the bee. Our fondest anticipations in relation to 
their purity of heart and devoutness of temper can 
then hardly be disappointed. 

It will temper our judgment of a child to remem- 
ber that there is one great teacher under which he 
has not yet been placed, and that is experience. We 
ought not to look for those qualities in the boy which 
can come only from the discipline of the man. Per- 
haps he is passionate ; do all you can to control his 
temper now. But consider that his passion pro- 
ceeds in part from the warmth inseparable from his 
age. Advancing years will naturally tend to allay 
this heat. Yet more, he will see the necessity of 
self-control, and learn, perhaps, by stern experience, 
what you cannot now teach him. 

We must do our duty, and wait and trust to the 
future for results. The great point is to make a 
child's experience tell as early as possible on his 
character. Show him what he is gaining every day 
where he makes efforts -for improvement. Put your 
finger on the very spot where his wrong-doing brings 



REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 245 

suffering upon him. Unfold to him the peace of 
conscience ; point him to instances in his own life in 
which truthfulness, kindness, and gentleness have 
rendered him happy and made him useful to others. 
A moral education conducted on this principle can- 
not fail of success. In some things we may err, in 
this we cannot be mistaken. Be patient, and your 
patience will work with your child's experience ; and 
that experience will be the basis of a well-grounded 
hope. 

We desire, and probably expect, our children to 
be sympathetic, charitable to the poor, and piteous 
to the sufferer in body or mind. Will this spirit be 
the legitimate consequence of our mode of training 
them ? If we allow them to treat the beggar with 
harshness and cruelty, or with utter indifference, let 
us not complain that they grow selfish and hard- 
hearted. Better encourage them to notice the needy, 
to bring them into your house and give them food, 
or at least to speak always a kind word to them. 
Let them visit the dwellings of the destitute, the in- 
temperate, and the thriftless. They will see things 
there which cannot but awaken their compassion, and 
inspire them to help these unfortunate beings. 

It is not uncommon for children to ridicule the de- 
formed, and make sport of the aged, especially if 
they have peculiarities in their language or manners. 
There are parents who do nothing to repress this 
pernicious habit ; some even encourage it, by join- 



246 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

ing in the laugh and the jeer. Bat can they be aware 
of the results of this course ? There is nothing 
which tends more effectually to quench every noble 
and generous feeling in the breast, than derision of 
the unfortunate. It is wrong to ridicule those errors 
and infirmities which men bring on themselves. But 
to laugh at the deformed, to mock those whom God 
has visited with bodily afflictions, is a sin of the 
deepest dye. If there are any beings on earth whom 
we should pity, and for whom and over whom we 
should weep, they are those infirm in mind or mis- 
shapen in body. To add to their calamity by scoffs 
and sneers is conduct worthy only of a realm lower 
than ours. Let the parent beware how he fosters 
this unhallowed disposition ; let him cherish in his 
children the utmost tenderness toward those in any 
manner suffering and afflicted. 

What I have said of the habit of deriding the un- 
fortunate applies to ridicule in general. As we wish 
our children to be gentle, kind, and forgiving, we 
must beware of treating them with sarcasm. Some 
parents say things which cut a child to the heart, and 
then wonder at the evil spirit he manifests. How 
can it be that the boy who is mimicked and laughed 
at for some bad habit should be made better by 
it ? If he have a tone or a trick you would amend, 
do not treat him with cruel satire, but, if it be neces- 
sary to imitate him, that he may see his fault, let it 
be done calmly and kindly. A child feels injured 



REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 247 

by a bitter ridicule ; it only kindles in him resent- 
ment and anger. Whenever you advert to his faults, 
let love be in your heart ; for so only can you hope 
to lead him even to attempt the reformation of his 
errors. 

We would fain see in our family a spirit of peace ; 
we desire not only that blows should be avoided, but 
harsh words, and every display of passion. How is 
this great end to be accomplished ? If we expect it 
will come from a reign of violence and terror on our 
part, we shall be sadly disappointed. A peaceful tem- 
per is never promoted by strong stimulants. The less 
stimulus of a harsh nature we daily employ, the more 
true peace may we expect. " The maxim," to use 
the words of another, u applies as well to the mind 
as to the body, that the least quantity of stimulus 
that will preserve it in healthy action is the best." 
For this reason, the less of physical force or men- 
acing language we use, — the less, to take an expres- 
sive word, we scold our children, — the more order 
and quiet we shall commonly secure. I have seen a 
family where a single word, or a look even, would al- 
lay a rising storm. The gentle but firm method is 
the best security for domestic peace. 

Who has not seen families in which violent and di- 
rect efforts to root out evil, with no attempt to intro- 
duce good, have failed of their end ? The system 
was to " break the natural will, cross natural inclina- 
tion, and subdue pride by constant mortification." 



248 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

The result was, that the children grew up just as self- 
willed, and proud, and contentious, as they were in 
their early years. It is only a feigned submission, 
and a pretended peacefulness, that we can achieve 
by harsh measures. What we should aim at and la- 
bor for is, not to take away the food, but to destroy 
the appetite for it. It is not enough to punish every 
instance of contention severely ; we must persevere 
until the quarrelsome spirit is extinguished ; and 
mildness, not force, will lead to this permanent 
good. 

There is a stratagem employed in military tactics, 
by which the attention of the enemy is diverted, and 
thus opportunity is afforded for an attack in an unex- 
pected quarter. I have thought we might derive a 
hint from this fact in the education of our children. 
We are apt, when they do wrong, to approach them 
in direct conflict. Were it not wiser, especially 
with those very young, to employ some diversion ? 
A little child utters a fretful expression ; do not fret 
at him, but utter a few soothing words, take him in 
your arms, give him something to please him. You 
may thus check in the bud an irritable disposition, 
and destroy the germs of anger, disobedience, and 
violence. 

A sudden and severe punishment, on the other 
hand, usually excites, instead of subduing, the tem- 
per. If you strike a child hastily, before you are 
sure he is to blame, you may do him immeasurable 



REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. 249 

injury. Suppose you have commanded him to do 
something. Perhaps he does not know whether you 
are really in earnest ; very small children often mis- 
take on this point. He looks in your face to judge 
of your intentions ; if you mean as you say, and he 
perceives it, you should exact obedience. Yet let it 
be done calmly, with gentleness joined to decision ; 
he will then yield to your authority, and at the same 
time learn from you an invaluable lesson of self-gov- 
ernment. By patient consideration, and by a delib- 
erate manner of discipline, our expectations will be 
moderated, and the immediate effects of our efforts 
will be as great as we can reasonably anticipate. 



CHAPTER XX. 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 



There is no agency in which man is concerned 
so secret, so subtile and mysterious in its influence, 
as that of moral and religious education. I know 
it is not commonly so thought ; we imagine that 
there is hardly anything we understand so well 
as the means and effects of education. Some do 
not like to hear a sermon or a lecture upon this 
topic ; they say, "It is dull and trite ; we know 
everything that can be said about it already. The 
way to train up a child is as plain as the noonday. 
Employ a certain well-known series of appliances, 
teachers, books, &c, and you are sure of suc- 



cess." 



But is it indeed so ? Why, then, do we have 
characters so diametrically opposite to one another, 
where the education has been always the same ? 
Why do scholars differ so entirely in their progress 
in the same school, and under the same teacher ? 
Nay, why do children born and bred under one roof, 
and by the same two parents, prove at last as unlike 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 251 

as light and darkness ? If we all understand educa- 
tion so completely, why are so many great questions 
in regard to it still mooted ? If you say we know 
all that can be known concerning it, how will you 
account for the controversies still going on in regard 
to the comparative value of an education at home and 
abroad, in regard to the time of commencing, the 
methods of carrying forward, and even the results to 
be aimed at in a good education ? If we have fath- 
omed the depths of this matter, why are the world 
still divided on that most important point, namely, 
What can education, under the best circumstances, 
accomplish ? It is not yet settled how much is due 
to nature, to original capacities, and how much in- 
struction can supply. We cannot, indeed, but con- 
fess our profound ignorance of the heights and the 
depths of this great mystery. We know not every- 
thing, but comparatively nothing, of the processes, 
the means, the powers and influences, that go to 
make up a perfect education, whether intellectual, 
moral, or religious. 

The means of culture in general may be divided 
into two classes, the direct and the indirect. What 
do we know of each of these ? 

With the first, it is true, we have a somewhat ex- 
tended acquaintance. Direct and designed educa- 
tion includes teachers, books, systems, rules, and 
all the aids and appliances that constitute a school. 
We know, in the main, what a good teacher is ; 



252 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

he is one who can advance his pupils in knowledge, 
and train them to mental discipline. We understand, 
it may be, the difference between manuals of educa- 
tion, the good and the bad. We comprehend the 
influence of systems, rules, habits of study, methods 
of teaching and of government. 

In the case of moral and religious education, we 
know what lessons can be taught at the fireside, how 
hymns may be learned, and catechisms recited, and 
the Bible read or repeated, chapter by chapter. 
The Sunday school is to us no mystery ; we can 
tell what constitutes a good Sunday school, how one 
is to become a faithful teacher, and what interest a 
child should take in the school. Perhaps we see 
and know our own duty as parents in relation to the 
school-room, and are gaining new light, from year to 
year, by performing that duty. The parent sends 
his children punctually to school. The teacher is 
always in his or her place, and consequently the chil- 
dren are delighted to go-, and ■ the class are doing 
well. And yet, important as are all these outward 
instruments and helps, I venture to affirm, that, taken 
alone, unsupported by another set of agencies and in- 
fluences, they are almost powerless in deciding the 
final character and the ultimate destiny of our chil- 
dren. If so, they constitute, in reality, but a sub- 
ordinate part of education. 

Why do we say this ? Because the indirect and 
usually unobserved instrumentalities of Providence 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 253 

do more to make us what we are than either teach- 
ers, books, lectures, or any or all other merely ex- 
ternal, direct, and obvious means of education. 
This is a strong statement, but is it not true ? 

No one can have failed to observe the effect of in- 
cidental circumstances on the character and the lot 
of man. A single event will sometimes change the 
fortunes of a life. The reception of a piece of news 
to-day or to-morrow may prove a turning-point with 
us. Sometimes a discourse heard apparently by ac- 
cident has converted a sinner. A chance w T ord has 
left an impression on the mind which time could nev- 
er efface. The casual meeting of a particular indi- 
vidual, under peculiar circumstances, makes or mars 
our whole worldly condition. The doing or the not 
doing one simple thing is decisive, not only of a man's 
pecuniary condition, but of his entire course of life, 
it may be of his conduct and character for ever. 

Now these incidental and indirect agencies exert a 
momentous influence in the education of the young. 
Robert Nicoll, one of the sweetest and most devout 
of modern Scotch poets, at the age of seventeen 
wrote a tale for a child's periodical, which was unde- 
signedly sent to a certain popular magazine. Had 
it been rejected, his tender heart would have sunk at 
the blow ; its acceptance decided him to become an 
author. The gifted Chatterton was indebted for his 
taste for English antiquities to the accidental circum- 
stance of certain ancient manuscripts having fallen 



254 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

into the hands of his father, who was a teacher, and 
who used the old papers that fell in his way to cover 
the writing-books of his scholars. To this trifling 
incident was owing a taste that shaped the whole 
history of that unfortunate youth. Linnaeus was 
made one of the greatest of botanists by the circum- 
stance of seeing a few rare plants in his father's gar- 
den. But why multiply these illustrations ? Who 
can doubt that casual influences often decide, not only 
the occupation, but the intellectual and moral bias, 
the religious condition and the entire well-being, of a 
child ? His being born and educated in the city 
makes him another man from what a country training 
would have made him. His attendance at a certain 
school, or his living in a particular neighbourhood, 
and falling among this or that class of companions, 
his intimacy w 7 ith some good or bad boy, — all 
accidental circumstances, — rendered him just what 
he is. 

Who has not seen some one event give a moral 
cast to the entire life ? The early loss of a father 
or mother, a severe sickness, domestic reverses, the 
having some kind friend or some pernicious associate 
for years at our fireside, the reading of a particular 
book, laid on our table by another, or thrown by 
mere chance in our way, while we were young, — 
nay, so trivial a thing as the suspension of a striking 
engraving or painting where we saw it daily, — who 
can tell but either of these circumstances threw the 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 255 

one decisive grain into that fearful scale which turned 
in our childhood for our weal or woe ? 

Looking at the mighty agency of these slight mat- 
ters, I have often felt that we neglected them too 
much in our estimate of the means of education. Is 
it not possible that, in our zeal and haste as educators, 
we overlook that which after all does more than sys- 
tems and mechanical aids and outward and intended 
appliances, however multiplied, in making our chil- 
dren what they are ? Incidental influences are going 
on secretly and unseen, and yet, like imperceptible 
perspiration to the body, they do more than the ob- 
vious organs and functions toward deciding the health 
of our inner, immortal man. As the air we breathe 
depends for its life-giving power on a subtile and la- 
tent compound of diverse qualities, so is character 
formed and preserved by methods as mysterious in 
their blending as they are potent and decisive. 

And now what is the great fountain of the influ- 
ence I would describe ? Whence does the larger 
part of incidental education proceed ? Beyond 
question, it comes from the fireside. Much, it is 
true, comes from society ; that environs us, like the 
atmosphere, and in ways we know not affects our 
modes of thought, our habits of speech, our man- 
ners, and, indeed, everything that goes to make up 
the character. Direct instruction, it is true, exerts 
a vast influence, especially on the young mind ; the 
books we read do much to mould our opinions and 



256 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

feelings ; our companions and friendships contribute 
largely to the great whole. But beyond them all, in 
this respect, is our home. The disposition, the tem- 
per, the principles, and the general cast of the ac- 
tions of a child, depend on the incidental influences 
of the family he dwells in, to a degree of which some 
of us have never yet conceived. Many a parent is, 
on this account, tearing down with a strong right 
arm, while he is building up only with the left ; and 
his set lessons, and the teachers and schools he pro- 
vides for his children, will therefore prove but untem- 
pered mortar to the tottering edifice. 

Observe the effect of the common conversation of 
a family. The child hears thousands of words that 
drop accidentally through the day, and they touch 
and move the strongest springs of his character. He 
notices the manner in which the inmates address one 
another, and he silently falls into it. If they speak 
in a loud and harsh tone, so does he ; if gentleness 
and modesty and a subdued mode of speech predom- 
inate with them, they do also with him. And what 
are the great topics of conversation ? Are they the 
food on the table, — the faults of each other, or of 
their neighbours ? If so, the children think these are 
to be their great concern. Perhaps the conversation 
all turns upon business, speculations, losses and gains. 
Then who can be surprised, if the sons regard 
money as the chief good of life, and think education 
has no higher end than to fit one to accumulate prop- 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 257 

erty ? Are dress and the fashions of the day the 
engrossing topics ? Why should we be disappointed 
that the daughters are anxious above all things to 
know what they shall wear, and how they shall make 
a figure in society ? 

But let the great subjects of conversation be of a 
moral complexion, and how different will be the 
character of the children ! They hear the father 
speak often of industry, of honesty, and of philan- 
thropy, as prime virtues. They see that he regards 
man as of more value than money ; that he loves his 
country, not merely as a place favorable to com- 
merce or manufactures or agriculture, but as a land 
dedicated to liberty, and possessing institutions able 
to produce a noble race of men. This is what will 
make the son a true patriot, an active and benev- 
olent citizen. Let the mother speak of virtue as 
the most precious jewel on earth, and of purity and 
kindness and diligence as the richest of robes, and 
then the daughter, emancipated from worldliness and 
vanity and indolence, will grow up an honor to her 
home and a God's token to the world. 

The indirect effect of the prevalent subjects of 
conversation in a family can hardly be over-estimated. 
A common habit is to talk chiefly about other per- 
sons. But this is always unsafe ; it cherishes an un- 
charitable temper, for w T e soon come upon the faults 
of others when we begin to say much concerning 
them. And these faults are not referred to with 
17 



258 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

sympathy and compassion, as they should be, but 
too often with bitterness, or in derision or mere sport. 
This habit almost inevitably degenerates into gossip, 
that bane of- all intellectual or moral excellence. 
Therefore would I counsel that our conversation be 
mainly upon things, not persons ; upon subjects 
which we know to be safe, useful, enlarging to the 
mind, and improving to the heart. The world is 
full of such topics ; it needs only a firm determina- 
tion to keep them uppermost at the table and the 
fireside. 

I do not counsel that long and set lectures be 
given on the good qualities referred to ; this is not 
incidental, but formal instruction. No ; what is 
needed are words fitly spoken, adapted to the feel- 
ings of the child at the time. Our Saviour taught 
little abstractly ; he embraced favorable opportuni- 
ties. When the birds passed by, he drew from them 
a lesson on trust in Providence. If he came, in 
his walks with his disciples, to the lily, he made it 
teach them the care of God for all his works, and 
the sin of undue anxiety. When the sun was rising 
in his glory, he spoke of himself as " the light of the 
world." He regarded, too, the varying moods of his 
hearers, and inculcated love to God or love to man, 
as the passing scene might suggest. Train up your 
child in this way, and as the hour is bright or shad- 
ed, as he is calm or excited, inquisitive or indiffer- 
ent, so let your words be chosen. Let the wax be 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 259 

melted and pliant, and the stamp of the seal will 
then be deep, beautiful, and enduring. 

But beyond the power of all mere language is the 
influence of our own character and example. I do 
not allude to what we do consciously and for the 
sake of effect. It is the spirit we manifest, and the 
general tone of our conduct, that fall most effec- 
tively on those who witness them. What we cus- 
tomarily do in the presence of children affects them 
far more than what we occasionally say. We speak 
of moral as far greater than physical force. Do we 
exhibit this power ? Is there a vein of it running 
through our every-day deportment ? Are we pa- 
cific, free from the war spirit, gentle, forbearing, and 
forgiving ? If parents respect each other, the sons 
are more likely to respect them. We desire our 
children to be pious and reverent ; let them see that 
we are so ourselves. There is a tribe of Indians 
who shave the head, as a token of veneration for the 
Great Spirit. Their little ones, as they look daily 
on its emblem, must insensibly imbibe that virtue. 
The mere spectacle speaks louder than words. We 
wish our children to love the Bible ; it is vain to 
command them to love it. But if they observe us 
to read and prize it, they will naturally incline to it 
themselves. Yes, who can tell what virtue comes 
from one such example. Precious book ! — 

" How many mothers, by their infants' bed, 
Thy holy, blessed, pure, child-saving words have read." 



260 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

" Thou teachest age to die, 
And youth in truth unsullied up to grow ! 
A sunbeam sent from God, an everlasting bow ! " 

Indirect teaching and indirect example, who can 
estimate their power ! They control the mental and 
moral destinies of the race. We may require a 
child to do an act for the sake of his good ; but 
when by a silent influence we have led him volun- 
tarily to seek and pursue that good, — when we have 
led him to love goodness for itself alone, — when we 
have brought him to feel that, under God, he must 
form his own character and work out his own salva- 
tion, — then have we implanted in him a root of en- 
during excellence. Ages cannot tell his obligations 
to such a benefactor. By indirect influences and an 
attractive example wake up a child's self-respect, 
and place him, as you then will, in the path of 
self-education, and you give him an impulse for life. 
It is as dew to the parched earth, or as the summer 
shower, calling forth an unfading verdure, an immor- 
tal beauty. 

In the great work of education we see a vast ar- 
ray of outward means, instruments, aids, and appli- 
ances. But let us never forget that there is one 
agency mightier than them all, which we do not see. 
It is secret, subtile, impalpable, yet ever operating 
and ever influential. It is the power of example. 
What w T e teach our children is one thing, what we 
do in their presence is quite another. We give 









INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 261 

them direct and formal exhortations, and these have 
their weight ; bat far more is there in the remark we 
let fall incidentally, or the conversation they over- 
hear when we least imagine it. Nor is it the course 
we recommend by words, but our own conduct, which 
goes deepest into their hidden being. " The infant 
mimics the motion of your hand, or the expression 
of your countenance ; but at ten years he adopts," 
not the outward, but the inward part of your life ; he 
adopts "the principles of your conduct, and imbibes 
the spirit of your heart." This it is which our chil- 
dren daily watch, and this it is which, more than all 
things else, will form their opinions and decide their 
character, in youth, manhood, and through their 
whole future existence. 

The parent, let us suppose, professes religion ; 
but to what purpose, if his child sees him as worldly- 
minded, as avaricious, as fond of luxury, display, 
and fashion, as those who make no profession ? 
Why should we laud forgiveness, if we are our- 
selves implacable, laying up injuries, and resenting 
them by our coldness, if not by open retaliation ? 
Children notice every inconsistency of this kind ; 
and to teach with our lips what we unteach — con- 
sciously and continually, perhaps, too — by our 
lives, what is it but to shake their confidence, not 
only in ourselves, but in the reality of religion, and 
even in the very foundation of good morals ? 

No Jesuitry can succeed with a child. The at- 



262 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

tempt to keep up good appearances with him will 
certainly fail. We cannot deceive him ; he pene- 
trates through every disguise, discovers each attempt 
at duplicity, and looks straight into our hearts. 
Therefore must we be — not try to seem, but be — 
what we wish our children to become. Just as 
kind and amiable as we desire to see them, and just 
as fretful, impatient, and selfish as we expect them 
to be, must we be ourselves. What we do sincere- 
ly, that and no more will they believe in, sympathize 
with, and permanently imitate. 

Let me at this point insert a caution against mis- 
apprehension. I have spoken warmly of the power 
of incidental means and undesigned influences in de- 
ciding the character. Let it not be thought I would 
discontinue or disparage the direct means of instruc- 
tion now in use. No, let us still have teachers, and 
earnest and faithful ones. Better teachers and bet- 
ter manuals of instruction the age loudly demands. 
Let the Sunday school be prized and cherished by 
parent, teacher, and child. But, meantime, let us 
heed well the great work going on out of all schools. 
Society, companions, and, above all, home, — to 
these we should give new attention and untiring care. 
Watch events, occasions, and circumstances ; they 
enfold the germs of many a flower ; for weal or for 
woe, they shed a daily influence on the young. 
Through them we may instil those two great prin- 
ples, — the pillars of all true excellence, — a deep, 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 263 

sincere piety, and a steady self-denial. If we med- 
itate upon our God and Father ourselves, and if we 
show that his will is the law of our own lives, we 
shall do much to make our children remember their 
Creator in the days of their youth. Let us deny ap- 
petite, worldly propensities, and all that is selfish, 
and we shall need few words to win the all-observing 
child, full of sympathy and prone to imitation, to en- 
ter himself that path which our Saviour once trod, 
and to which he so earnestly calls us. 






CHAPTER XXI. 

INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. CONTINUED. 

A child who is surrounded by good domestic in- 
fluences grows up imperceptibly in the likeness of 
Jesus. It is well known that most of the knowledge 
gained in our earliest years is poured insensibly upon 
the mind. The eye is then keen-sighted, the ear is 
acute, all the senses are in full vigor, and the world 
is one uninterrupted scene of novelties. What 
amazing progress does the child make, independ- 
ently of all books, teachers, and voluntary applian- 
ces, in the first six years of his life ! What floods 
of original ideas spring up in his mind, stimulated, as 
it constantly is, by the objects around it ! 

In the same manner the moral nature is touched 
and swayed by undesigned influences far more than 
by all direct instrumentalities. Therefore it is that, 
in the words of another, " the true mode of instruc- 
tion in morals is, by example more than by pre- 
cept, to train, and form correct habits, rather than to 
lay down abstract propositions. Tn this way a good 
moral tone may be made a part of the child's nature, 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 265 

and it may be more easy for him to do right than 
wrong." That child who sees habitually none but 
correct examples has little disposition to do other 
than imitate them. As he inhales the air insensibly, 
so does he draw in virtuous principles, pure thoughts, 
elevated and enlarged feelings, with his every breath. 

On the other hand, it requires a more than mortal 
power to lead a child in the path of virtue while 
we are walking ourselves in the opposite direction. 
How is it possible to awaken and sustain a fraternal 
spirit in a family of children where the parents are 
partial, unjust, kind to one and unfeeling toward 
another ? The polluting influence of this spirit is 
painfully illustrated in the history of Isaac as touch- 
ing his sons Jacob and Esau ; and still further in the 
effect of Jacob's partiality to Joseph. What ma- 
lignity do we sometimes see produced by family fa- 
voritism ! In the distribution of property, how much 
domestic misery has it caused ! Envy and jealousy 
are the inevitable results of parental partiality. It 
not seldom embroils the father and mother, arrays 
the children against each other, and, as in the case 
of Joseph, combines all the others against the fa- 
vorite child. 

Vain, therefore, are all direct attempts to cherish a 
Christian spirit in the family while this indirect in- 
fluence is inflaming its members one against the other. 
The conscientious parent will guard against partiality, 
as a corrupter of his own heart and as the bane of 



266 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

domestic peace. If he find himself drawn by any 
good quality toward one of his children, he will at 
once seek for some equally amiable property in the 
others. And should he fail to discover any such, 
he will pity the errors he perceives, pardon his chil- 
dren's infirmities, and pray for an even-handed jus- 
tice ; and soon will he find that his way is no longer 
unequal. 

Few things are more important in the education 
of a family than a perfect agreement between the 
husband and wife. If the mother feel objections to 
the father's modes of government, she should not 
express them in presence of their children. One 
parent should not allow a child to do what the other 
has forbidden. They ought to make suggestions 
to each other, of course, with freedom and mutual 
respect and affection. But let this be done when 
they are alone. A small child especially should 
never imagine that his parents differ in regard to 
the mode of his education. Before he is old enough 
to understand the reasons of their differences of 
opinion, it can only do him harm to hear their dis- 
cussions. 

Little children should believe that their parents 
agree as to what is best for them ; otherwise, neither 
parent can expect implicit obedience. If a child 
sees his father and mother arrayed against each other, 
he does not know which to obey, he loses confidence 
in both, and at last even in the distinction between 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 267 

right and wrong. How can children respect their 
parents, when they hear them in constant altercation 
on any subject whatever ? But if that subject be 
their own management and discipline, they will soon 
lose all regard for the judgment of either of their 
parents. Or, if this be not the result, they will take 
sides with one parent and against the other, - and the 
house will be divided against itself. Let them, 
therefore, reserve the discussion of their different 
plans of education to a private hour ; and never let 
the one undo the work of the other, or counteract 
his or her commands to their children. 

The indirect influence of so slight a thing as the 
names and epithets by which parents and children 
address each other is by no means unimportant. 
Many advise that children should speak to their par- 
ents as their equals. They think it appears stiff in 
them to say u Sir " to their father ; they approve of 
a greater familiarity of address. But do we see any 
improvement in the character and manners of those 
children who adopt this equalizing tone to their parents ! 
I admire intimacy and freedom between parent and 
child ; but when all restraint is destroyed, and the 
father and mother are treated with disrespect, nay, 
as we often now see, with absolute rudeness, I am 
led to ask whether the old was not the better mode 
of addressing parents. If your child does not ad- 
dress you, his guardian and guide, with as much 
respect even as you do your neighbour and equal in 



268 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT, 

age and station, pray what have you gained by al- 
lowing him to lay aside that little word " Sir" ? 

Still more objectionable is the practice on the 
part of the parent of applying low and coarse epi- 
thets to his child, either as tokens of affection or in 
moments of passion. u The little toad " may sound 
pleasantly to a mother, but such language is a part 
of the great means by which the taste of a family 
becomes depraved, and hence their morals often 
corrupted. Sure I am that none can apologize in 
their calmer moments for the use of such phrases as 
"you villain," " you rascal," &c, which phrases, 
and others equally objectionable, are by no means 
uncommon on the lips of parents who would resent 
the appellation of immoral or vulgar. The connec- 
tion between low language and a low character is 
closer than most of us imagine. Let the parent, 
then, resist the beginnings of this evil. 

Nothing contributes more to the work of incidental 
culture than a habit of observation in the child. We 
are surrounded by objects with whose extent and 
variety the longest life cannot make us fully acquaint- 
ed. There lie at our very feet treasures of knowl- 
edge which the utmost application on our part will 
not exhaust. Within the present century what re- 
searches have been made in the physical sciences, 
and what splendid discoveries in every department 
of nature do we constantly witness ! Reason dare 
not predict, imagination cannot conceive, that any 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 269 

boundaries will ever be found to the progress of 
the human mind in the realms of science and art. 

Now this is the scene on which every child 
enters at his birth. He is instantly a discoverer, 
placed in a world rilled with objects adapted to his 
powers and capacities, as they shall be successively 
unfolded from infancy onward to old age. And his 
Creator has furnished him with all the instruments 
and helps which for the first few years he will need 
to prosecute his investigations. How simple, yet 
how almost omnipotent, are these few bodily senses ! 
The eye, capable of grasping myriads of objects as 
they pass within its field of vision ! The ear, suscep- 
tible to the countless sounds that fill and enrich the 
all-encompassing atmosphere ! Think of the wealth 
within the reach of the other marvellous organs of 
sense, and you at once perceive that one thing only 
is needful to bring stores of this wealth within our 
personal appropriation ; and that is the hahit of ob- 
servation. 

Let the little child be trained to see and hear 
every thing around him, and he is made heir to a 
fortune which no acres or mines could have bestowed 
on him. Leave him to grow up without this habit, 
and, though in the midst of abundance, he is poor and 
miserable. I have somewhere read an account of 
a walk taken by two boys, the one after the other, 
entitled " Eyes and no Eyes, or the Art of See- 
ing." It gives an admirable illustration of the dif- 






270 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

ferent degrees of knowledge gained by different in- 
dividuals amid the same scenes. One sees some- 
thing new every step he takes, the other sees noth- 
ing ; to the former the walk was full of interest, and 
has left on his mind delightful recollections ; to the 
latter it was a dull scene from beginning to end, and 
he remembers it only with aversion or indifference. 

If, then, you would open before your children 
springs of unfailing happiness, teach them, both by 
precept and example, never to pass, without seeing 
it, any object which may afford them the least in- 
formation. There is little hope of a girl who always 
replies to your question, What took place where 
you were ? " I did not mind." She always should 
mind ; for heedlessness is the root of manifold evils. 
It exposes us to constant dangers, and it cuts off 
many an opportunity to learn something useful. 

Montaigne, in his remarks on the education of a 
boy, says, " Let him examine every man's talent ; 
a peasant, a bricklayer, or any casual passenger ; a 
man may learn something from every one of these in 
their several capacities, and something will be picked 
out of their discourse, whereof some use may be 
made at one time or another ; nay, even the folly 
and weakness of others will contribute to his instruc- 
tion. Let an honest curiosity be planted in him to 
inquire after every thing." 

It is to this habit of noticing all that came within 
their view that we owe the great number of self- 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 271 

educated men who have adorned the history of our 
race. We can supply, to a large extent, the defi- 
ciencies of a poor education, if we employ earnestly, 
in after life, all our faculties of observation. While, 
on the other hand, no amount of academical instruc- 
tion, no array of diplomas and degrees can render 
one eminent in a knowledge of the outward universe, 
who having eyes seeth not, and having ears heareth 
not. 

Strongly as I have recommended in this volume 
the culture of a child's moral and spiritual nature, I 
would never undervalue an education that prepares 
one for this tangible world. Our Creator and Father 
gave us this world no less than that which is invisi- 
ble. The child should therefore be qualified to know 
and appreciate its objects. We are to educate his 
senses as well as his spirit. He must be stored with 
a liberal knowledge of external things ; matters of 
fact, real life, the world just as it is, — let this be a 
careful study of his earlier years. Let him not be 
left ignorant of practical affairs ; do not suffer him, 
in his devotion to books, nor yet to business, to 
dwindle down to that ludicrous figure, " the absent 
man." 

W T e educate our children indirectly by those pe- 
culiarities in which we allow ourselves, that are sub- 
ject to their observation. You desire your son to 
notice every thing which occurs in his presence ; 
perhaps you teach him to do this. Forget not, then, 



272 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

that his keen eye is fixed constantly upon you ; and 
remember also that he will imitate whatever he ob- 
serves. So far, indeed, does this principle extend, 
that we often see a boy incline his head precisely 
like his father. A train of sons shall walk up the 
aisle of a church, each having the same limp with the 
head of the family. Whatever be the manners prev- 
alent at the table, the children carry them wherever 
they dine. The daughters are erect or otherwise, 
modest or bold, gentle or boisterous, according as 
the mother is in these several respects. If the par- 
ents use vulgar language, or a profusion of excla- 
mations and epithets, so do the children. Are they 
refined in their conversation, and subdued and guard- 
ed in their modes of expression, so are the sons and 
daughters. 

Who, then, can exaggerate the importance of care 
on the part of the parents in regard to personal 
peculiarities ? What a motive have they to watch 
their own manners, language, and tones, and their 
habits in every particular. Look daily at your chil- 
dren and see yourselves as in a mirror. You cannot 
look there too earnestly ; for it will lead you to 
amend your errors of deportment, and so to bear 
yourself in presence of your family that you will not 
blush to see your own image reflected all around 
you. 

Incidental education leads a child, not only to 
imitate the manners, but also to catch the mind, the 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 273 

principles, and the inmost feelings of his parents. 
He sees, as it were, their naked hearts, and no 
sooner does he see than he begins to transcribe their 
features. Whether his pattern be right or wrong, he 
follows it implicitly. The parent writes down some 
sentence touching immortal interests. Happy if it 
be pure truth ; but be it truth or error, it is borne 
away at once by his child and committed to a stereo- 
type plate. With what care, knowing this fearful 
fact, should he record each sentence. How clearly 
does it now appear that the personal virtue of the 
parent, his inward purity, expressed by love to man 
and love to God, and by the strictest obedience to 
his commands, can alone save his child. This course 
alone will reveal to the parent the way of duty, and 
enable him to be a safe guide therein. So is it that 
u to love and to do the Holy Will is the ultimate 
way, not only to know the truth, but to lead others," 
and emphatically little children, " to know it." 

The view here presented may appear to some 
dark and depressing ; the responsibility seems great- 
er than can be borne. But there is one considera- 
tion which will do much to reconcile us to this con- 
dition. It is for the moral good of the parent him- 
self to be subject to this solemn weight. How many 
fathers and mothers would have neglected their own 
characters perhaps altogether, had not the parental 
relation quickened them to reflection ! They have 
been brought to think of their own future interests in 
18 



274 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

meditating upon those of their children. " The con- 
sideration that their own characters would be com- 
municated to those whom they loved more than 
themselves, that their children would receive from 
them principles, habits, and feelings, has induced a 
watchfulness, a regularity of speech and conduct, 
and an application to duty, by which their own souls 
have been purified. Children are inestimable bless- 
ings by calling forth the consciences of their parents. 
The instructions we impart come back upon our- 
selves." 

On the other hand, we may not forget that paren- 
tal unfaithfulness not only blights the character of the 
children, but reacts with a terrible force on the par- 
ents themselves. By an old law of our Puritan 
ancestors, cursing or smiting a parent by a child 
over sixteen years of age was a capital offence, with 
three saving clauses, one of which was the child's 
having been " unchristianly neglected in its educa- 
tion." This was a reasonable exception ; for why 
should the whole penalty of the offence be laid on 
the chikl, when the parent contributed so largely to 
occasion it ? If the father and mother consciously 
fail in the discharge of their duty, on them should 
rest the retribution of that failure. 

Under all laws and in every condition of society, 
and I may add, amid our varying modes of religious 
education, this will hold true, that the parent must 
reap as he sows. If he do his own duty faithfully, 



INCIDENTAL EDUCATION. 275 

then, even though his child prove reprobate, his 
reward in the form of an approving conscience and 
in the reflected virtue of his efforts upon his own 
character is sure as the heavens' established course. 
Let him neglect his duty, and it is equally certain 
that the tares he has sown, when they spring up in 
the debasement of his offspring, will pierce him like 
the poisoned arrow, and destroy his peace, if not his 
very life. 



CHAPTER XXII. 

INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 

The indirect influence of the mother can hardly 
be exaggerated. Her conduct, tone, and spirit are 
a vital part of that atmosphere by which the moral 
life of a child is sustained. She should act as the 
presiding genius of the family in this respect. Her 
air and manner should be such as to quell the waves 
of domestic discord. Indeed, her power is such that 
by fidelity to her nature she will spread the sunshine 
of joyous hearts and loving tempers over the whole 
household. 

In the language of Amie Martin we see that "in 
children sentiment precedes intelligence ; the first 
answer to the maternal smile is the first dawn of 
intelligence ; the first sensation is the responding 
caress. Comprehension begins in feeling ; hence, 
to her who first arouses the feelings, who first 
awakens the tenderness, must belong the happiest 
influences. She is not, however, to teach virtue, 
but to inspire it. What is a child in relation to a 
tutor ? An ignorant being whom he is called upon 



INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 277 

to instruct. What is a child in relation to a mother ? 
An immortal being, whose soul it is her business to 
train for immortality. Good schoolmasters make 
good scholars, — good mothers make good men." 
Who, then, does not look with an unquenchable in- 
terest on our mothers ? Who can over-estimate their 
share in the work of incidental education ? 

The relation between the mother and her chil- 
dren presents constant opportunities for the kind of 
influence in question. There are two points toward 
which her attention should be specially directed. 
The first is health ; during the period of infancy, she 
cannot be too watchful in laying the corner-stone of 
a sound constitution. She will consider that what- 
ever other gifts or acquisitions may be within the 
reach of her children, if they are sickly and feeble, 
these things can be of little value to them. Let the 
days passed in the cradle be marked by care of the 
health, let the air of the room be kept pure, the first 
food of the child be simple and wholesome, and 
above all, let the system of drugging be avoided, and 
there is good hope for the future. 

During the middle period of childhood the chief 
points must be to continue a plain but abundant diet, 
to guard the child against the changes of weather, 
and to secure a liberal amount of physical exercise. 
The mother may do much to make household pur- 
suits a means of exercise ; but her daughters need 
also the open air. Let them have ample time to 



278 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

walk, ride, trundle hoop and sport with their com- 
panions. Give them the time, and in most cases 
nothing more will be necessary. They have at this 
age an instinctive love of being abroad and engaging 
in amusements that invigorate while they gratify. 

But the period which follows presents a difficulty 
on the subject of health. The daughter becomes 
now inactive ; she is less and less disposed to take 
physical exercise. Perhaps she thinks it undignified, 
and dreads nothing so much as the appellation of a 
romp. No more may she join in the frolicsome 
scenes of the past. She must move about the house 
with a measured step, and to walk in the streets with 
any other than a staid and matronly gait would haz- 
ard, perhaps destroy, her reputation. There are 
exceptions to these remarks ; some girls continue so 
*free in their movements as to need a caution against 
being rude. But in general what I have said is true ; 
and it requires the constant care of the mother to de- 
vise means and methods of physical exercise for her 
daughters. Unless she encourage such methods as 
are agreeable in themselves, furnish an "attractive 
industry," countenance the fireside dance, the fre- 
quent walk and the pleasant ride, she must not be 
disappointed if she see tokens of a decaying health. 

This suggestion is the more needed, from the ten- 
dency in our age to increase very much the amount 
of study required of our elder daughters. They are 
in some schools forced along with such speed, that, 



INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 279 

unless we augment proportionally their opportunities 
for exercise, it will not surprise me to see diseases 
of the spine, pulmonary complaints, and dyspepsy 
scattered broadcast among this class of scholars. If, 
especially, we add lessons in drawing and confine- 
ment to the piano, hour after hour in the day, to the 
tasks of the school-room, we have no right to expect 
health unless we add still further abundant means 
both of domestic exercise and locomotive recreation. 
It rests mainly with our mothers to say which branch 
shall be taken of this fearful alternative. 

The other point to which I referred is this, the 
strengthening of the mind and the culture of common 
sense. We see many mothers anxious for the school 
education of their daughters, and desirous of their 
being praised as fine scholars, who feel little solici- 
tude apparently for the expansion of their judgment 
in every-day affairs. They do not put forth that 
indirect influence which they constantly might, to 
lead them to think and talk of the common pursuits 
of life. Why should not a girl know the prices of 
the various articles used in the family, and where and 
how they are purchased ? Why should she not join 
in the conversation upon rents, taxes, laws, and to 
some extent in what is said upon politics ? Let her 
know something, I would say, of her father's avoca- 
tion, and of all the various employments, arts, trades, 
and professions in the world. Let her not grow up 
a mere bookworm, nor yet be limited to the little 
round of domestic pursuits. 



280 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

Were our daughters educated in this manner, they 
would be qualified for the responsible station of the 
head of a family. We should not see so many pos- 
sessed at the time of their marriage of " every kind 
of sense but common sense." We give our sons an 
invigorating mental culture ; why should not daugh- 
ters have the same ? Let their minds be stored with 
science, and their intellectual powers be trained to 
the utmost, in the school-room. But do not leave 
them here ; home should pursue this work ; fathers 
and mothers should make it their distinct plan and 
their steady effort so to educate, not the boy only, 
but the girl also, that with all their " gettings they 
will get understanding." Then will the future hus- 
band have an intelligent companion, — one for whose 
mental powers he will never blush. Then if, by a 
sad providence, the wife be left widowed, the sole 
head of her household, she will be prepared for the 
exigency. Nay, to look no farther, in justice to her 
nature, and in obedience to the claims of her immor- 
tal capacities, let the mind of the girl and the woman 
be harmoniously and perfectly developed, — a true 
image, like that of man, of their common God and 
Father. 

An important part of indirect education consists 
in surrounding the young with objects which elevate 
and refine the taste. Much is now done for the 
intellect in our schools, and on the Sabbath we have 
a system of moral and religious culture of exceeding 



INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 281 

value. But we lack corresponding means and exer- 
tions for the purification of the tastes of our youth, 
and the improvement of the social influences around 
them. The love of gain is becoming more and more 
intense, and material interests are fast acquiring the 
ascendency among our aims and efforts. Our chil- 
dren drink early into this spirit. The boy is told 
that he goes to school to prepare himself to transact 
business and accumulate property ; and the girl is 
promised a high place in society if she is well edu- 
cated. And the Sunday school too often makes 
success in this life the ultimate purpose of its training. 

Success is important ; let us amass wealth and 
develop our material resources ; and let us seek an 
elevation in society, if we do it by honorable and 
Christian methods. But let us not leave our chil- 
dren amid the low and comparatively trivial pursuits 
of earth and time. Let not self be the centre and 
circumference of their aspirations. Set before them 
still higher objects ; impress on them a sense of 
the beautiful ; make them familiar with the principles 
of taste, and enrich their minds with the treasures 
of imagination. 

It is to be regretted that we have so few means 
as yet in this country for the culture of these noble 
faculties. In the Old World there are galleries of 
sculpture, halls of paintings, venerable and magnifi- 
cent cathedrals, and other similar attractions, often 
open to the people free of expense. When shall we 



282 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

rival the Old World in this respect ? Time must 
pass first ; but we have many elements even now for 
a generous popular education in the appreciation of 
works of taste. We are beginning to have exhi- 
bitions of paintings, art-unions, and associations of 
architects. Let our parents and teachers encourage 
their children to visit as many works of art as pos- 
sible. 

A coarse taste is closely connected with vice. 
As a moral defence, therefore, of the young, we 
should familiarize them with objects and scenes that 
tend to refine the taste. Let there be collections 
of pictures, gatherings of flowers, floral proces- 
sions, water-works and fountains, and every instru- 
mentality for educating the eye, and through that 
purifying the spirit. Nor let the ear be forgotten ; 
music is a spiritual exercise ; in its best uses it tends 
to exalt the mind and amend the heart. Where the 
soul is preoccupied with a love of good, the access 
of what is low, sensual, and debasing is made slow 
and difficult. Take, then, your children to the con- 
cert-room ; let them from their earliest days enjoy 
liberally recreations of which music forms at least a 
portion. Purity, piety, and benevolence — not to 
mention a fund of inexhaustible happiness — are con- 
nected with good music. Economize in other re- 
spects, that you may have means to supply your 
children from this blessed storehouse. 

Fill your home, and surround it, as far as possi- 



INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 283 

ble, with pure, attractive, and impressive objects. 
Were a child encompassed by the beautiful forms 
and the harmonious breathings of painting, sculpture, 
architecture, and music, and did he at the same time 
receive a corresponding treatment of affection and 
sympathy from parents, friends, relatives, and asso- 
ciates, terror and punishment, together with the 
moral evil that occasions them, would disappear, and 
love and beauty would become the guides of his 
actions, the rules of his life, and their own exceeding 
recompense. 

I am led here to name, among the means of in- 
cidental education, the power of a pleasant voice. 
No apology will be necessary for the repetition in 
this place of a few thoughts I have elsewhere given 
to the public. It is usual to attempt the manage- 
ment of children either by corporal punishment, or 
by rewards addressed to the senses, or by words 
alone. There is one other means of government, 
the power and importance of which are seldom 
regarded. I refer to the human voice. A blow 
may be inflicted on a child, accompanied by words 
so uttered as to counteract entirely its intended effect. 
Or, the parent may use language in the correction of 
her child, not objectionable in itself, yet spoken in a 
tone which more than defeats its influence. 

We are by no means aware of the power of the 
voice in swaying the feelings of the soul. The an- 
ecdote of the good lady in regard to her minister's 



284 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

sermon is to the point. She had heard a discourse 
from him which pleased her exceedingly. She ex- 
pressed to a friend the hope that he would preach it 
again. "Perhaps," said her friend in reply, "he 
may print it." "Ah," said she, "he could not 
print that holy tone." There is a tone in the pulpit 
which, false as is the taste from which it proceeds, 
does indeed work wonders. So is there a tone in 
our intercourse with children which may be among 
the most efficient aids in their right education. 

Let any one endeavour to recall the image of a 
fond mother long since at rest in heaven. Her 
sweet smile and ever clear countenance are brought 
vividly to recollection. So also is her voice ; and 
blessed is -that parent who is endowed with a pleasing 
utterance. What is it which lulls the infant to re- 
pose ? It is no array of mere words. There is no 
charm to the untaught one in letters, syllables, and 
sentences. It is the sound which strikes its little 
ear that soothes and composes it to sleep. A few 
notes, however unskilfully arranged, if uttered in a 
soft tone, are found to possess a magic influence. 
Think we that this influence is confined to the cra- 
dle ? No, it is diffused over every age, and ceases 
not while the child dwells beneath the parental roof. 
Is the boy growing rude in manner and boisterous 
in speech ? I know of no instrument so sure to 
control these tendencies as the gentle tones of a 
mother. She who speaks to her son harshly does 



INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 285 

but give to his conduct the sanction of her own 
example. She pours oil on the already raging flame. 

In the pressure of duty we are liable to utter our- 
selves hastily to our children. Perhaps a threat is 
expressed in a loud and irritating tone. Instead of 
allaying the passions of the child, it serves directly to 
increase them. Every fretful expression awakens in 
him the same spirit which produced it. So does a 
pleasant voice call up agreeable feelings. Whatever 
disposition, therefore, w T e w r ould encourage in a child, 
the same should be manifested in the tone with which 
we address him. 

There is nothing more desirable in a daughter than 
intelligence joined to a gentle spirit. The mind is 
fashioned and furnished, in the main, at school. But 
the character of the affections is derived chiefly from 
home. How inestimable is the confidence of that 
mother in producing kind feelings in the bosoms of 
her children, who never permits herself to speak to 
them with a loud voice, and in harsh, unkind tones ! 

I have heard of a father, who, when his children 
became engaged in a dispute, would at once require 
them to unite in a song. The blending of their 
voices in harmony was soon found to subdue their 
angry and contentious feelings. There is a native, 
spontaneous, unsought music. It consists in the 
tones which issue from her who is overflowing with 
Christian love. While, then, I would advise the 
mother to the culture of a pleasant voice, and warn 



286 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

her of the evils of addressing her children harshly, I 
would still more earnestly counsel her to discipline 
her heart. Out of a kind heart come naturally kind 
tones. She who would train up her family in the 
sweet spirit of Christ can succeed best and most 
enduringly of all, by cherishing such sentiments as 
shall seek their own unbidden expression in gentle 
yet all-powerful tones. 

The power of a patient and forbearing spirit over 
the disposition of a child is too important to pass 
unnoticed. Many things occur daily to irritate the 
young child. He is suffering from some pain ; he is 
tired, or hungry, or thirsty, or has lost some play- 
thing. These appear small things, perhaps, to the 
busy mother ; she cannot lay aside her work to at- 
tend to them. And yet the neglect to do this, even 
for a few minutes, may lay the foundation in her 
child of a fretful spirit for life. Every reasonable 
want of these little ones should be immediately re- 
lieved. And in regard to what we think their un- 
reasonable wants, they are real ones to them, and 
would appear so, perhaps, to us, were we little chil- 
dren ourselves. 

The example of a patient mother soon spreads 
among her older children. When they see her wait 
on the infant, and toil by day and by night over the 
sick one in the family, and when they observe her 
calm and kind with her domestics, unrepining in her 
own illness or fatigue, always active, and always 



INDIRECT INFLUENCE OF THE MOTHER. 287 

cheerful, they insensibly imbibe the same beautiful 
spirit themselves. The father is perplexed by his 
business, and weary with labor and care. Some- 
times, perhaps, he comes home excited and irritable. 
But if his children witness in him constant efforts to 
be mild, even-tempered, and patient, they cannot 
but learn to control themselves. 

Amid the various conditions and characters of a 
household there is a continual demand for the cul- 
ture of mental tranquillity and Christian forbearance. 
One of the children meets with a sudden and dan- 
gerous accident ; it requires great self-possession to 
do promptly and with good judgment what ought to 
be done for him. The little girl has torn her dress, 
perhaps carelessly, and for the hundredth time. 
The mother is excited by it, and, unless habitually 
patient, she may do or say that of which she will af- 
terwards repent. Here is a boy who is bedridden 
with some chronic disease. He is made childish 
and fretful by his sufferings, and what a store of pa- 
tience does the mother require to watch over him by 
day and by night, to give up the pure air and cheer- 
ful society she could find abroad, and sit by his side 
and adapt herself to his fitful humors ! 

It is said that the love of the mother is usually 
greatest for the sick or the deformed one of her chil- 
dren. A beautiful compensation of Providence is 
this ! But it will require an almost unearthly forti- 
tude to bear such a lot without ever repining or ever 



288 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

becoming impatient. She who bears herself firmly 
as well as tenderly through a long trial of this kind, 
earns richly that crown which is reserved for those 
who " endure unto the end." Her example sheds 
a perpetual light through her dwelling, and she can- 
not fail to infuse a portion of her divine spirit into 
the breasts of her children. 



CHAPTER XXIII. 

PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 

That great question propounded originally in the 
hill-country of Judea, and in relation to him who in 
after years was to herald the Messiah, is always 
raised in the heart of the thoughtful parent when 
first intrusted with the care of a mortal, immortal 
being : — " What manner of child shall this be ? " 
The little one, all unaware of its own fearful des- 
tinies, is to other bosoms an object of untold anx- 
ieties. There are two spirits watching and waiting 
round it, to whom, from the earliest to the latest mo- 
ment of its life, it is henceforth to be a fountain 
either of joy or of grief. 

First comes the anxious inquiry, Are the organs 
and functions of its body, that workmanship of God, 
so " fearfully and wonderfully made," all perfect 
and sound ? If this question be answered affirma- 
tively, another quickly presses on its footsteps, Are 
the powers of its mind sane and healthful ? Does 
it show signs of intelligence ? That interrogatory 
cannot be answered at once. But if the months and 
19 



290 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

years, as they pass, at length relieve all anxiety on 
that point, yet another issue comes up. How shall 
this our child be established in the world ? What 
is to be his calling ? And what will help him to 
succeed in that calling ? In what schools, and 
how, shall he best be trained for it ? This daugh- 
ter, — what is to be her fortune in life ? O for 
some magic power to reveal to us her future condi- 
tion ! 

But have I unrolled the entire map, and shown 
all the regions of parental anxiety ? Ah, no ! there is 
one more yet, and great, indeed, it is. On any wise 
and prudent estimate of life, how insignificant does 
every other solicitude appear, when compared with 
this : — What is to be the character of our child ? 
Will it be such that we can look upon it with satis- 
faction, and hear it spoken of without a pang or a 
blush ? Have we here before us one who will re- 
flect the smile of his Father in heaven, and to whom 
Christ and virtue will be dear ? O, if this question 
also could be answered as we wish, peace would be 
on our pillow, and sunshine on our path. 

It seems among the mysteries of Providence that 
one little being should have power so to hold in its 
tiny hand that balance in whose scales are to be 
placed, through all their coming years, the chief 
joys and the most pungent sorrows of two other 
care-burdened hearts. Why is it so ? Must this 
be of necessity ? Have we no retreat from so per- 



PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 291 

ilous a position ? Is there nothing we can do to as- 
suage this flood of anxieties ? 

In many respects God is a sovereign dealing with 
us as it seemeth to him good. Our own destiny is 
to a large extent at the disposal of Providence. So, 
also, is that of our children. Whether they shall 
possess all the faculties that constitute a perfect 
child, a sound mind in a sound body, depends en- 
tirely on a power beyond our own. To what He 
wills, be the cup bitter as it may, we must bow with 
unquestioning submission. In regard, also, to the 
establishment of our children in the world, and to all 
those circumstances which in a secular aspect will 
prove either their bane or their blessing, to an im- 
measurable degree, their lot is in the hand of the 
Lord, and with him is the disposing thereof. It is 
comparatively little that we can do, if we desire it, 
to insure them an affluent fortune, or to place them 
in elevated and honorable stations. There is a finger 
that guides these and all kindred movements, of 
which we know nothing. We can do something to 
shape their course and results, but after all our best- 
laid plans may be frustrated, and all the hopes that 
rested on them driven away like the chaff before the 
wind. 

How often do we see ambitious men toil to lay 
the foundations of a conspicuous family ! They 
heap up wealth, they seek office and place ; perhaps 
they intermarry with the rich, the honored, or the in- 



292 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

tellectually great. A generation passes, and their 
sons squander their wealth, become addicted to vice, 
or degenerate in mind, and the aspirations of the fa- 
ther prove but " the baseless fabric of a vision." 
Sometimes a similar issue is consummated by dis- 
ease and death. Father and son, mother and daugh- 
ter, are successively called away ; and the fortune 
so fondly looked upon as a tower of family pride and 
strength is scattered among strangers. 

But, as respects that other great fountain of pa- 
rental anxieties, the character of their children, if 
that be made the supreme concern, God has given 
them power to do much — not, indeed, everything, 
but very much — toward deciding the course of 
its waters. When, in view of its moral and relig- 
ious condition, the father and the mother inquire, 
" What manner of child shall this be ? " the reply 
depends, in no ordinary degree, upon themselves. 

It is for the parent to decide what instructions his 
child shall receive. The nursery is the first school- 
room, and the mother the primary teacher. It de- 
pends on her tuition what conceptions shall be earli- 
est given to the little one of this mysterious world. 
If her face has the sweetness of maternal virtue, and 
her tones are ever gentle and soothing, then the new- 
comer will believe himself in a happy world. Alas 
for him, if he encounter in his very cradle a counte- 
nance marred with selfishness and sin ! Pitiable is 
his lot, terrible must earth seem to him, if his tender 



PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 293 

ear is shocked by the harsh notes of an unfeeling 
mother ! 

The character of the child will receive readily the 
impress of piety if the father be a true representative 
of our Father in heaven. It is for him to determine 
whether the earliest idea this little one will have of 
that Being is, that he is wise and good, full of all 
lovely and all venerable attributes, or the reverse 
of this, an object of aversion, if not of positive 
terror. 

A fundamental part of the character consists of 
conscience. This faculty, it is true, is the gift of 
God. But its development and its integrity de- 
pend mainly on parental education. Let the moth- 
er never mislead her child during his first years in 
regard to right and wrong, and his moral judgments 
in after years will seldom be erroneous. The father 
can do much to decide whether this inward guide 
shall be trustworthy, leading to duty and life, or per- 
verted and blind, conducting to error and ruin. The 
first lessons on this subject always sink deepest ; the 
unworn soil produces the most luxuriant harvest. 

The anxious parent must watch his own lips ; for 
out of his mouth are the issues of his child's life. 
The language of a mother is graven as with the point 
of a diamond on the infant mind. Other inmates of 
the family are uttering many words in the young ear, 
but the flowing years will wash them for the most 
part away. Not so with hers ; they with their in flu- 



294 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

ence will abide. The father is dropping casual ex- 
pressions, unaware, perhaps, of the little listener at 
his side, who is drinking them greedily in. Yet 
think of the power of these expressions ! The 
stream now rolls quietly along, depositing on its 
banks a life-giving sediment, but anon it flows over, 
and leaves in some valley stagnant waters, that in 
summer days produce miasma and death. Who, 
then, as he loves and fears for his child, will not 
save him, so far as his own example goes, from the 
moral peril of corrupt communications at the fire- 
side ? 

We are anxious that the future man should be 
pure, filled with good principles, and established in 
good habits. Let us, then, fashion the child accord- 
ingly. We have before us a mind that is pliant and 
ductile ; now is the time to give it its true direction. 
The elm in the nursery can be bent, by a slight ef- 
fort, to any shape we desire ; let it grow up to a 
tree, and no force can bend its massive trunk. The 
germs of a good character are obedience, truthful- 
ness, affection, and moral independence. Plant 
them in the child, and you need not fear that they 
will be wanting in the man. 

A great source of parental solicitude is the com- 
panionships of children. Cowper felt the dangers 
from this quarter so keenly, that he wrote against a 
public education. Many parents would secure their 
children by shutting them out from society. But is 



PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 295 

this a wise course ? Were it not better, instead of 
secluding a boy from the world, to fortify his mind 
with correct principles, and confirm him in good 
habits, and then, imploring for him the shield of 
God, send him forth thus armed to resist evil coun- 
sels and examples, and overcome temptation ? Can 
one by a life spent in moral hermitage become a 
strong man and an accomplished Christian ? Trial 
alone, we know, can test the character. Is it, then, 
wise to exclude a child from every scene and situa- 
tion in which he can be tried ? To discriminate on 
this subject, and impose none but healthful restraints, 
is no easy task, it is true. But wisdom, I think, 
forbids all extremes ; let, then, our anxiety shun ex- 
tremity in this respect. " Guarded exposure " is 
probably the best position to form a child's char- 
acter. 

We are anxious that our children should have a 
religious faith ; it would shock us to think they might 
become infidels or skeptics. Most of us desire 
them to embrace the tenets of our peculiar denom- 
ination of Christians. But let us not forget that we 
have no security for their believing according to our 
heart unless we give them full and distinct religious 
instruction. If we neglect to do this, they will 
probably either have no definite opinions on the 
subject, or believe according to what they may hap- 
pen to hear in casual conversation among their com- 
panions, or what is instilled into their minds either 



296 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

by the scoffing unbeliever or the proselyting bigot. 
Some views, of one kind or another, in regard to 
God, the Bible, and the nature, duty, and destiny of 
man, they will undoubtedly have. If, as a parent, 
you care at all what they are to be, perform now the 
great share you can to decide their complexion. 

In regard both to the instructions and the habits 
of a child, it is not possible, I think, to keep him 
from being exposed to evil persuasions and evil ex- 
amples. We should set it down, that poisonous in- 
fluences, sooner or later, will distil error into his ear. 
If we do this, we shall prepare him for the danger ; 
our good lessons will then pour themselves in at the 
time of need like a healing balm. So in respect to 
our children's moral habits ; they will see and hear 
much adapted to pollute their characters. Shall we 
leave them unarmed, unprotected, in the conflict 
with sin ? The seasons are passing swiftly on, and 
as sure as they live they will reap a spiritual harvest 
of some kind from seeds sown in society. It is for 
us to determine whether such seeds shall be plenti- 
fully intermingled as will prevent a crop of unsightly 
weeds, and insure fair flowers and rich fruits. 

An alarming feature of this age is the increase of 
juvenile depravity. Our houses of correction and 
reform schools are crowded with the young. u I 
have seen them," says an eyewitness, " gathered 
at the bar of justice, mere boys and girls, on whose 
young faces sin had but commenced the work of 



PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 297 

disfigurement. The image of God was tarnished, 
but by no means as yet effaced. To save these and 
such as these," he adds, u all the legal measures in 
the world would be unavailing. — Reformation must 
come from within, outwards. It must commence 
with the soul.'' 7 

And now who is to begin this great work ? You 
have only to look at the origin of most of this juve- 
nile crime for a reply to this question. These chil- 
dren are usually convicted of "stubbornness." And 
why are they stubborn ? Because they have been 
neglected at home. They have not been governed, 
instructed, and trained by their parents. What par- 
ent can tell whether the dearest child of his own, if 
thus culpably neglected, may not yet be arraigned 
before some court of justice ? Certain it is, that if 
we allow our children to disobey us, and leave them 
unrestrained and morally uneducated at the fireside, 
we contribute a share toward that melancholy degen- 
eracy which is crowding our courts and prisons with 
juvenile offenders. 

The burden of parental anxieties is much increased 
by the multitude of influences which are more and 
more taking our children and youth away from their 
hemes. They soon think themselves men and 
women, and many of them, impatient of being con- 
fined to their native spot, roam abroad in search of 
gain and preferment. Some parents partake in this 
spirit, and consent readily to part with their children. 



298 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

Not a few send them away to some boarding-school, 
without a thought of the evil consequences. Let it 
be that some immediate advantages come from this 
course. Doubtless a boy learns better to take care 
of his clothing and personal effects when he has no 
mother to lean upon at his side. His manners, also, 
are likely to be improved by the change. But these 
are all external things ; the internal welfare of the 
child must suffer more or less by his being removed 
from home. 

Teachers constantly tell us that they need the co- 
operation of parents. They want them to look to 
daily for support in their plans of instruction and 
government. They wish to refer their scholars fre- 
quently to their example and influence. We are 
assured by them that, as a general principle, their 
best scholars, and those whose deportment is most 
commendable, come every day from the home influ- 
ence of father and mother, brothers and sisters. No 
stranger, however kind and faithful, can supply this 
domestic influence ; let a child grow up without it, 
and there is a certain gentle, humanized tone of 
character which you miss in him. We see this of- 
ten in those unfortunate individuals who were bereft 
in their boyhood of a mother by death. Nothing 
can ever atone for that loss. 

One of the evils of college life is, that it takes the 
student away from the softening, sanctifying environ- 
ments of home. It deprives him of those genial 



PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 299 

fireside influences which are most of all needed at 
that period of life when the intellect is expanding 
and the character is receiving a permanent impress. 
The wise parent will retain his son in the bosom of 
his family, at almost any sacrifice, until his prepara- 
tory education is completed. He will relieve him- 
self of that fearful anxiety which every conscientious 
parent must feel when compelled early to part from 
his child. 

Home influence is needed, among its other offices, 
to form in the young correct habits of conversation. 
No circle is so favorable to this work as that of an 
exemplary family. The parent may well think with 
solicitude of the daily influence of his manner of con- 
versation. If he is careless in his modes of expres- 
sion, or vulgar, so will his child be ; let him be 
guarded and grammatical, his example is imitated. 
I once knew a father who had never learned a line 
of grammar, yet, through observation and watchful- 
ness, so correct was he in his use of language, that 
he often criticized the expressions of his children, 
school-bred though they all, and college-bred though 
some of them, had been. Let the parent, then, be 
a pattern in this respect. As he dislikes affectation, 
and would preserve his children from it, let him cul- 
tivate simplicity of speech, and utter himself only in 
the unadulterated tongue of his native land. To 
protect his children against vulgarisms in conversa- 
tion, let him not rely upon books and teachers alone, 
nor yet upon cultivated society abroad, — important 



300 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

as all these are in their places, — let him depend 
mainly on the steady influence of the pure language of 
father and mother, brothers and sisters, at the fireside. 

A sense of our own defects and incapacities as 
guides and models sometimes oppresses us. But it 
is a merciful appointment of Providence, that, be- 
neath the pressure of parental anxieties, the father 
usually cherishes the hope, that in the end his son 
will supply his own deficiencies, and, though he 
should fail for a time, yet at last will become better 
than himself. Amid the shifting prospects of the fu- 
ture, the heavens, he trusts, will at length settle, the 
clouds roll off, and the bright sun shine steadily on. 
If it is not so with us, if we find gloom and despond- 
ency, for any cause whatever, coming upon us as 
parents, let them not abide in our hearts. It is the 
part both of wisdom and piety, as on all other sub- 
jects, so on this of the welfare of our children, to 
trust in God. Doubt and fear, in their excess, al- 
ways enfeeble the spirit, and disqualify us for the 
work in hand. The father and mother are unfitted 
by them for a patient and persevering culture. They 
thus tend to fulfil that dark prophecy in which we 
sometimes morbidly indulge ourselves. " Hope on, 
hope ever," should be the motto of the parent. 

Even though we can see little promise at this mo- 
ment in our children, yet let us not forget that they 
are still young, and susceptible of improvement. 
Often w T e see a change come over the character of a 
child where it was least anticipated. The reckless 



PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 301 

one becomes thoughtful, the idle one industrious ; 
the sensual turns to spiritual things ; the mind un- 
folds, and the whole character is consolidated ; and it 
is now stable, progressive, instinct with a new force 
and a new life. Never, indeed, does a human being 
sink so low that he cannot still rise. To the latest 
hour, then, let the anguished heart which sees a 
dear child gone astray hope and pray and strive 
for his return to virtue and peace, and remember 
that, in the high dealings of our benignant Father, 
" all things are possible." 

The lot we stand in, let us look at either or all of 
our children, must, it is true, be one of greater or less 
apprehensions. From the birth of these young beings 
up to this present hour, we have held their destiny 
in our hands ; to us their immortal well-being has 
been intrusted. And so it will be in all coming 
time. Whether we dread and would shun, or 
whether we welcome the office, we must continue to 
hold it. How shall it be filled ? Here is a father ; 
what will he say and do for his children ? He must 
train them to something. Will he by word and by 
deed educate them in the love of God, in purity of 
heart, in righteousness, temperance, charity, and the 
love of their whole race ? Or will he breathe over 
their tender spirits the moral poison of worldliness 
and irreligion, of servitude to appetite and self and 
sin ? That mother, will she bless her babe in its 
cradle ? Will her face beam with piety, and the lit- 
tle one through her * drink into the gentleness and 



302 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

fidelity, the meekness and self-sacrifice, of Christ ? 
Will husband and wife talk to each other of the char- 
acter of these their children, and hand in hand unite 
in training them up for usefulness and honor ? What 
issues are connected with the replies to these few 
questions ! 

No wise parent can bring such issues before his 
mind without at once saying within himself, Are 
such destinies committed to my hands ? Then will 
I give myself now, while the years are rushing by, 
and before the opportunity be lost, even now, to im- 
planting good principles and forming good habits in 
my children. Let me do this, and then the time will 
surely come, when youth and passion are over, in 
which they will give thanks that my commands were 
ever upon them, and that both by precept and ex- 
ample I guided them aright. Then, if not before, 
my reward is sure. Yes, even though for a time my 
efforts should seem to fail, yet at last, when they 
come to feel the need of power to resist the tempta- 
tions and to bear the trials of life, they will rejoice 
that parental fidelity was not sacrificed to a misguid- 
ed indulgence. And when I have gone to my rest, 
they will prize the precious inheritance I left them ; 
and for evermore they will venerate the image and 
bless the memory of that anxious being who prayer- 
fully and devotedly trained them up in that good way 
from which they have never been left by their Divine 
Parent to depart. 

Impressed with these and similar considerations, 



PARENTAL ANXIETIES. 303 

and led by conviction no less than instinct, what 
true parent does not live more and more in and for 
his children ? The father may be an unbeliever ; but 
he finds no support in temptation, and no comfort in 
trouble, from his unbelief, and he loves his son too 
well to see him follow in his own steps. He desires 
him to believe in God and Christ and heaven, and 
to live according to his faith. How little does the 
good parent think or care for anything personal to 
himself, compared with his interest in the condition 
of his children ! Let them be well provided for, let 
them be in good situations, and all doing well, ap- 
proved by their employers, or successful in their 
studies, and let their characters be daily improving, 
he asks no more. He must decrease ; happy is he 
if they meantime increase. 

The true mother is absorbed in her children. She 
gives up the apparel she desires, that they may be 
better clad ; she takes the plain food, and gives 
them the choicer ; she foregoes society, many a priv- 
ilege, many a comfort and pleasure, for their sakes 
alone. If her daughters are coming forward with 
promise, their minds well cultivated, their disposi- 
tions gentle and bland, full of love to others and of 
disinterested acts, then, it matters little what is her 
own lot, she is content. And if the Father visits 
with severe sickness her who has a circle of helpless 
ones leaning upon her, and her case at length be- 
comes critical, we hear her breathe the low T prayer, 
— " For myself, O Father, I am resigned to thy 



304 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

will, and ready to depart ; but, for the sake of my 
poor children, I could wish to be spared." So is it 
that of the parent we may say emphatically, Whether 
he live, or whether he die, it is not unto himself. 

And now, what should be the supreme anxiety of 
the parent ? He may feel solicitous in regard to the 
life and health of his children ; their worldly condi- 
tion may occupy many of his thoughts. His spirit 
may, and sometimes must, be troubled as he thinks 
of their present and future characters, and their stand- 
ing in society. But his supreme anxiety should be 
that he may do his own duty in regard to them. 
" For their sakes," he should say, " I will sanctify 
myself." If I can only be what I ought to be as a 
moral and religious being, and if I can but do for 
them all I am bound to do as their parent, I may 
leave the rest in the hands of their Divine Parent. Be 
this, then, our great care, our chief study and labor. 

Father, mother, you are daily engraving a plate 
whose impressions these little ones will take for the 
untold ages that lie before them. You are writing 
a record, not only for yourself, but for these chil- 
dren, each of which is a second self. Then 

" Guard thy heart's album. Of its slightest trace 
Who knoweth the full import? It may help 
To fashion motive, and to color fate ; 
Nor canst thou tell how strong a thread it weaves 
Into the web of deathless destiny, 
Till at that solemn audit thou dost stand 
Where deed and thought shall find their perfect weight, 
And just reward." 



CHAPTER XXIV. 

EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 

We are accustomed, in considering the welfare of 
our children, to separate too much in our thoughts 
the present from the future world. We esteem one 
mode of education as suited to qualify them for busi- 
ness and action in this life, and another as demanded 
in the preparation for the life to come. 

But is there indeed a great gulf that thus divides 
the two worlds ? The New Testament teaches us 
otherwise ; our Saviour constantly united the mortal 
and the immortal, earth and heaven. "I am the res- 
urrection and the life," said he, "and whosoever liv- 
eth and believeth in me shall never die." How in- 
timate must be the connection between the present 
and the future life, if this language be true ! The 
employment of the saints above must be, not a new, 
untried, and inconceivable work, but the continuance 
and perfection of what they commenced below. 
That child who is being well trained for the labors 
and duties of this world, is receiving the best pos- 
sible education for the world of spirits. If we would 
20 



306 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

have the branches outspread and loaded with fruit in 
the celestial garden, the tree must be reared amid 
the nurseries of earth. 

To educate for both worlds, we must give the 
body its due care, no less than the spirit. It is not 
enough to set before ourselves exclusively the train- 
ing a child's soul for heaven ; nor yet to give him 
a good intellectual and moral preparation for earth. 
These things are the end, but they do not include all 
the means, of education. Those embrace the care 
of the physical, as much as they do that of the spir- 
itual nature. 

The more perfect, indeed, the mental and moral 
education we propose to give our children, the great- 
er is the demand for the preservation and improve- 
ment of their physical system. As your daughter 
advances from one grade of schools to another, in- 
stead of diminishing her amount of healthful exer- 
cise, as is so often done, she should increase it. 
If her mind is unusually interested in any subject 
whatever, be it sacred or secular, now is the time to 
watch well her health. The principle on which this 
new care is required is simply this, — that we must 
always keep up the balance between the action of our 
nervous and our muscular energies. If the mind for 
any reason is severely tasked, the body must have an 
extraordinary amount of exercise. To disregard 
this rule in the child, when the brain is, as we know, 
peculiarly tried by study, is fatal to his future well- 
being. 



EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH "WORLDS. 307 

Nor is this all. If you aim only to give your child 
the best possible mental or spiritual education, you 
cannot do this except his health be good. How can 
he study to advantage under the burden of a nervous 
headache, or the depression of dyspepsy ? What 
progress can your daughter make in her school tasks, 
while a spinal pain and distortion are daily growing 
upon her ? Little can she accomplish under that 
lassitude which proceeds from the neglect of bodily 
exercise. It is equally difficult at any period of life 
to possess cheerful and true views of religion and 
heaven and duty, while borne down by some insid- 
ious disease. 

For the sake, then, of the mind and the soul, 
for the interests both of time and eternity, we should 
guard well a child's physical nature. Let there be 
walks in the open air, the use of the dumb-bells to 
expand and strengthen the chest, and liberal exercise 
for every part of the body. The diet should be 
plain, but abundant, and let us never stint the access 
of our children to cold water. If they are accus- 
tomed to that alone as a beverage, they will desire 
no other. Tea and coffee, those subtile poisons to 
many constitutions, will never tempt them as they do 
most of us ; they will drink of choice that pure ele- 
ment provided so liberally by our beneficent Crea- 
tor. Let them early learn the external use of water ; 
every child should bathe daily in water, cold or 
tepid, according to the season. As a purifier of the 



308 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

skin, and as a tonic to the whole system, its value 
can hardly be exaggerated. ct Cleanliness is next to 
godliness " ; physical and mental purity usually go 
hand in hand. See, also, that your child has pure 
air in the room where he studies, and in the chamber 
where he sleeps. Many a fever might be traced 
to the foul atmosphere of our sleeping-apartments. 
The Christian parent will pardon my going thus far 
into a subject, whose moral and religious aspects 
are hardly less important than those exclusively 
physical. We should glorify God in our bodies no 
less than our spirits. 

It is of vital importance to a sound education of 
our children, that they should be taught on one all- 
comprehensive plan. It should be a plan not con- 
tracted to this life alone, nor yet to the future life 
alone. Nor, again, must we think to form the young 
only for manhood and its active, responsible stations. 
They are first to be children ; and it is to make 
them better children that our great aim and endeav- 
ours should tend. 

If we seek to prepare a child for heaven alone, 
and not for earth also, we wrong an essential part of 
his nature. It is not merely for conversion to God, 
a single, insulated event, that we were placed in this 
world. Conversion is indeed needful for the sinner ; 
but to turn from our sins at some one moment of life 
is not the whole, nor the chief, purpose of our be- 
ing. No, man was made for the formation of char- 



EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 309 

acter, to reach, through trial and temptation, a state 
of holiness and perfection. Whatever plans of ed- 
ucation stop short of this great object are to be dis- 
countenanced, as inadequate to the demands of hu- 
man nature. Whatever, on the other hand, leads 
upward and onward, a life of progress, be it through 
childhood or maturity, through life or death, in heav- 
en or on earth, — every such course, and all such in- 
fluences, should be welcomed by the parent. The 
only true and living faith is that which 

" elevates the just 
Before and when they die ; 
And makes each soul a separate heaven, 
A court of Deity." 

The language just quoted is indeed poetry, but it 
is also truth. Why, but to join the two worlds, did 
Jesus Christ take little children in his arms, and say, 
" Of such is the kingdom of heaven " ? If we are 
to believe him, our work with the young is to retain 
their infantile purity, and to retrace those sacred 
lines which the world so soon and so sadly effaces 
from their hearts. We must labor, not to separate, 
but to keep together, what God hath joined in them, 
— childhood and youth, the young with the old man, 
time with eternity. 

There seems to be a prevalent misapprehension 
on this subject. I once heard an intelligent individ- 
ual and an exemplary Christian remark of a candi- 
date for the ministry who had died in the morning of 



310 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

his life, " What a pity that so much time and ex- 
pense have been bestowed on his education ! ' : As 
if intellectual instruction and moral culture could ever 
be wasted on an immortal being ! If we believe the 
soul lives on for ever, and starts in the future life 
where it ended its course here, why should we la- 
ment having given a son a liberal education, even 
though he was at once removed by death ? Nothing, 
nothing whatever, that is pure, and elevating, and ex- 
pansive in its influence, can be lost on the undying 
spirit. Everything which prepares one for honor- 
able success and true usefulness on earth is a part 
of that infinite training which stretches through eter- 
nity. 

Let me not be thought to say, that an education in- 
tended merely for this world includes all that is need- 
ful for human salvation. This is my view : — I 
would connect by indissoluble bonds the entire ex- 
perience of man and the whole circle of his duties. 
There should be no high w r all of which it could be 
said, on this side all is good, and on that side all is 
evil, while both, it is said in the same breath, must 
be recognized as parts of education. The true sys- 
tem of training embraces., on the contrary, broad prin- 
ciples, covering all periods of life, and every part of 
the character. 

Teach the child, first, to love his Father in heav- 
en. Teach him next, nay, if he feel habitually this 
holy affection, he will be self-taught, to " do all 



EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 311 

things to the glory of God." That disposition will 
sanctify whatever occupies his mind or his hands. 
It will make study and recreation, labor and rest, 
alike acceptable to Him whose laws extend over 
every hour of our lives, and every act, word, and 
thought. 

Instruct your child to reverence and obey his con- 
science, and let him make everything in which right 
and wrong are involved — however insignificant oth- 
ers may regard this or that particular act — a con- 
cern of conscience. Lead him to form all his opin- 
ions on the broadest ground he can take, and in 
conformity to everlasting truth. Do all you can to 
give him elevated and enlarged associations with his 
domestic relations. Connect as many ties as possi- 
ble with the world of spirits. Has he lost some 
dear relative or interesting companion ? Point him 
to the departed one as still living, as being now and 
having been always joined to him by spiritual bonds. 
Do not leave his imagination to dwell on the body, 
but direct it to the soul. Speak of the lost one as 
looking down upon him from his new home with an 
unquenchable love, and desiring nothing so much as 
that he may be pure and good enough to join him in 
his pleasant abode. 

To unite the two worlds closely, w r e should place 
our children under those holiest of teachers, the 
dead. How would they be redeemed from evil, 
how, indeed, kept for ever from its paths, could 



312 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT.. 

they be impressed with an abiding belief that the fa- 
ther, the mother, the brother or sister, they had lost, 
was in no important sense dead, but rather enjoying 
a truer life ! Death so associated, instead of being 
" the king of terrors," would be to them a messen- 
ger of love. The early called would seem to them 
intrusted with new privileges, elevated to the high 
office of watching round their path below, and wait' 
ing to accompany them at last up to their dear Fa- 
ther in heaven. 

But it is no light task to render these views famil- 
iar and operative in the minds of the young. If we 
would have all events and influences combine to this 
end, we must inculcate and reiterate in their hearing, 
and by our own conduct also, that truth which Jesus 
laid as the corner-stone of his religion, that " the 
kingdom of God is within "us. It must be imbed- 
ded in the child's heart, that his good or ill for every 
stage of his existence will depend on his inward con- 
dition. Nothing is more difficult than to make a 
child realize this ; he believes, and clings with deter- 
mination to the belief, that, if he can only gain all he 
desires of outward possessions, he shall want no 
more. All his troubles, he is sure, proceed from 
abroad. He will break his toy, charging that with 
being the cause of those sufferings which spring only 
from his own uncontrolled passions. 

Now, we can do little on the plan just proposed, 
until we have first eradicated these false ideas of the 



EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 313 

source of happiness. A child must be convinced, 
by some means, that, if he is happy, the secret of it 
lies in his own breast ; let him see distinctly that 
nothing whatever can satisfy an unhappy disposition. 
When he is peevish, impatient, dissatisfied with 
every person and every thing about him, turn his 
thoughts in to the fountain of his disquietude, make 
all his experience reveal himself to himself, and con- 
vince him, as you thus can, that to cultivate peace 
within is to bring heaven down to earth. 

I cannot forbear adverting once more to the im- 
portance of inspiring the young with a habit of self- 
culture and self-trust, from its bearings both on their 
temporal and spiritual good. Many children grow 
up leaning on their family connections. They think 
it enough for them that their father has wealth, or 
intellect, or office. This is to be their passport 
through life ; wherever it is known from what family 
they come, they will be sure of honor and success. 
They are proud of their name, perhaps puffed up by 
their ancestry. But how vain is every such depend- 
ence ! Under monarchical governments a family 
name and rank and titles secure favor and success ; 
but in this land they avail, at most, very little. 

Every boy should be taught that he must have a 
root in himself, that he must work with his own 
hands or his own brain, arid determine, under God, 
by his personal efforts, what he will be. In his spir- 
itual condition and destiny, your child must stand 



314 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

alone. He is a responsible being, to answer for him- 
self at the bar of Heaven. Your piety will not be 
transferred to his account ; he cannot pass, on the 
strength of your character, the fearful ordeals of the 
present and the future. Why, then, let him think to 
make a pillar of you in his secular affairs ? Better 
you were the poorest of the poor, so that he knew he 
could not depend on you for the least pecuniary sup- 
port, than that he trust in your wealth, and grow up 
feeble in mind and body, a mere shadow of yourself. 
Help him liberally, but only on condition that he will 
also help himself. Teach him that he must be a moral 
architect, build his own fortune, start where you did, 
work as you have, and be himself a master in busi- 
ness, qualified to be the independent head of a new 
and honored family. 

In approaching the conclusion of this volume, I 
will say a few words in reply to an objection to its 
views and plans which has occurred, undoubtedly, to 
many parents as they have read its several chapters. 
u How can we possibly find time to do so much 
personally for the education of our children as you 
would require ? We must provide for the outward 
wants of our family ; and to do this we must labor 
constantly in the workshop, on the soil, in the count- 
ing-room, or wherever our occupation calls us. W r e 
must have," says the mother, cc proper food and 
apparel for our children, and suitable furniture and 
order and cleanliness in all the apartments of our 



EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 315 

bouse. These things we must secure, and when we 
have done that, we find we have little time left to at- 
tend to the minds and morals and manners of our 
children." 

Alas ! here are the shoals and rocks on which we 
wreck our vessel. We invert the order of Prov- 
idence ; we place that last which God ranks first. 
According to his arrangement, home is to be a 
means, but never the end, of life. Its duties were 
intended, not to overlay and stifle the inner man, but 
to call forth its powers, to perfect it in virtue, to 
qualify it for heaven. It was not intended that we 
should sacrifice the spirit to the body ; both the out- 
ward and the inward have a rightful place ; the two 
worlds were to meet at the fireside. 

I do not believe that our duties ever come into an 
unavoidable conflict. We have time for all that is 
required of us. We can do everything necessary 
for the subsistence and comfort of our families, and 
still form in ourselves and our children the Christian 
character. Were this, however, untrue, did exigen- 
cies arise in which either the outward or the inward 
must suffer from want or neglect, no sane mind 
can doubt which should have the first place in our 
care. If cases do actually arise in which we must 
neglect either the body or the soul of a child, the 
gratification of his palate or the training of his mind, 
his clothing or his character, I think no conscien- 
tious parent will hesitate which to choose. He will 






316 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. » 

say within himself, " Plain bread and water from the 
spring shall be on our table, and the coarsest raiment 
in our wardrobe, if I can provide nothing better 
without being knowingly unfaithful to the moral and 
spiritual improvement of my children." 

Some things, indeed, in regard to our children, we 
may neglect with impunity. We are anxious to lay 
up property for their sakes ; and if we can do it 
without detriment to their characters, let it be done. 
But we can leave this undone, and, in the prov- 
idence of God, it may prove in the end better for 
them than the largest estate. It may impress on 
them the need of self-dependence, and compel them 
to work with their own hands, and thus form habits 
of industry, economy, and temperance. We desire, 
perhaps, to raise them in the social scale, and to 
bring them into the circle of the rich, the learned, 
and the distinguished. We have ambitious view T s in 
regard to their occupation and their elevation to 
places of honor and trust. But what though we fail 
in all these aspirations ? We have lost only what 
pertains to earth and to the perishable man. But, 
ah ! if we fail to provide for their immortal interests 
and their spiritual elevation, — if, either to indulge 
them or to spare ourselves labor, we leave their 
minds all barren of divine knowledge, and their 
hearts frivolous or worldly, — if we permit ease or 
pride or lust to canker their souls, — then, so far as 
they are concerned, we have sacrificed the gold for 



EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR EOTII WORLDS. 317 

the sake of the dross. We have not only prepared 
a bitter cup for our own lips, but have laid up a for- 
tune for them that will turn into ashes. 

I have thus far admitted that the right education 
of a child costs his parent more labor and hardship 
than it would to leave him to himself. But I will 
now say, — and observation and experience confirm 
the position, — that, taking the whole period of the 
child's pupilage into the account, it costs less labor 
and hardship to train him up in the right than in the 
wrong way. 

Obedience has been set forth prominently through- 
out this volume, as a pillar in the temple of educa- 
tion. But who has not seen that those children who 
obey their parents implicitly are managed with far 
more ease than those who constantly resist parental 
authority ? It requires, I admit, some decision and 
energy to establish one's authority firmly over a 
child ; it cannot be done with most children, except 
by persevering labor. But when it is done once, 
it is done for ever. Then blows are not needed, 
nor are many words, to secure uniform obedience 
and all the blessed results that flow from it. 

Take, on the other hand, a child who has never 
yielded to the command of his parent, as a com- 
mand, and what is more difficult than to educate 
him aright ? The mother will talk incessantly to her 
intractable little boy ; she will now coax him, and 
now pursue him with scoldings ; she will try to hire 



318 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

him by cakes and toys to do what she wishes ; she 
threatens to punish him ; she holds up the authority 
of the father in terror before him ; she tells him 
what trouble he gives her, and appeals alternately to 
his hopes and his fears, to his gratitude and his sense 
of respect. By every device and plan and effort 
she labors, until often she is exhausted and discour- 
aged, to induce him to a commendable deportment. 
And after all she fails ; he grows up disrespectful, 
selfish, indolent, the very reverse of what her heart 
desires. She permits her daughter, until she be- 
comes a young woman, to cling to her pillow in the 
morning, not having the energy to arouse her at the 
proper hour. By a little effort, comparatively, she 
might have made her an early riser. But now she is 
a slave to this child. She must be summoned again 
and again, every motive appealed to, method after 
method tried, to induce her to rise. And all with- 
out success ; "A little more sleep, a little more 
slumber," is the daily reply to her calls. The pa- 
tience of the mother is wearied out ; the whole fam- 
ily must wait for the over-indulged daughter, or the 
table stand hours for her convenience, and the do- 
mestic arrangements of the entire morning be dis- 
turbed by her slothfulness. 

Now all this labor and trouble would have been 
spared by securing in the infancy of her children a 
habit of obedience. That done, a word, a look 
even, would have usually sufficed to control them. 



EDUCATE JOINTLY FOR BOTH WORLDS. 319 

The first steps taken right, all the rest had been 
comparatively easy. For the sake, then, of econ- 
omy, to save time and save labor, we should do our 
work with a child faithfully. If we teach him all we 
think he ought to be taught, train him as our con- 
science dictates, require of him prompt obedience, 
and lead him to self-government from the very 
cradle, we shall spare ourselves untold labors and 
anxieties, and at the same time lay a good foundation 
for him in this w T orld and the world to come. 

Let us now settle well in our minds the great pur* 
pose of this life, — intellectual advancement and 
moral and religious progress. Never may we forget 
that, by the appointment of God, they are to be made 
one, inseparably and for ever. Life and death, — 
united by Him, let them not be disjoined by us in 
our efforts to educate the young. Christ calls to his 
arms the lambs which our Father hath given us. 
Why should we, by our remissness, forbid them to 
approach him ? What better can we do for them, 
either in a temporal or a spiritual regard, than to 
commit them to his charge ? As we would prepare 
them for a secular avocation, and should consider it 
a culpable negligence not to do this, so let us train 
them for their heavenly calling. God has done 
his part nobly in the nature he has given them ; 
he places a crown of glory on the brow of each of 
our children at its birth. But they need cherubims 
and a flaming sword turning every way to keep for 



320 THE CHRISTIAN PARENT. 

them the tree of life. Blessed are we if He commit 
this office to us and we fill it with fidelity. Happy- 
shall we be if, when they go forth from our charge, 
whether it be to the cares and toils of this eventful 
world, or, among the early called, go up to a home 
in unseen and spiritual mansions, we can give them 
up with the consciousness of having done, not what 
we desired, but what we could, to fit them for the 
future. And then, whether on that high course they 
precede or follow us, sustained by this inward testi- 
mony we can endure calmly the final parting ; — 

" If orphans they are left behind, 
God's guardian care we trust ; 
That care shall heal our bleeding hearts, 
If weeping o'er their dust." 



THE END. 



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